The Neuter Scooter
The Pussy Wagon
Dr. Bob’s Tail Chaser
House Calls for the Housebroken
Official City Dog Catcher
The Flea Flicker
Must Love Dogs and Agoraphobia! Vet Services
The WeinerDogWeinerMobileOfWeinerDogs
Andy’s Anal Gland Massage Kia
Spay ‘n Run
Raise your hand if you’ve figured out I have a bit of writer’s block happening! I don’t even know what to say about the above. It’s U-G-L-Y You Don’t Got No Alibi YOU UGLY bad. But in my defense, it’s the end of school, it’s humid and all I hear in my head right now is the buzz of bees and a little calypso music. Also, I hear a jackhammer, but I think that’s coming from my neighbor’s backyard where they’re either putting in a pool or another Walgreen’s. Hard to tell.
I do hope this malaise of mine will soon pass and I’ll be back to writing about important things like the woman who yelled at me at Spin class last week. She was on the bike behind me, so it felt like she was chasing me for the entire thirty minutes. Good motivation, yes, but it gave me flashbacks to that time when I was 10 and had to outpedal Large Barb, the town bully, on my Huffy. Fortunately she didn’t catch me or I wouldn’t be around to write things like “The Neuter Scooter” today. Anyway, please keep me in your thoughts, everyone.
In the meantime, I was very flattered to be asked to be a guest on the Austin American Statesman’s Shots podcast last week. Omar Gallaga (@omarg), big deal tech reporter, and Addie Broyles (@broylesa), big deal food writer, invited me to join them for a really fun discussion about waterparks (Did you know that “Schlitterbahn” means “I just swallowed someone’s Band-Aid” in German?) (Texas joke), how to handle summer home with the kids, and what we’re saying to scare people away from moving to Austin. If you want to take a quick peek, click here.
Or, if you just want to listen to it and not look at my streaks of grey and weird shoulders in that shirt—what the hell, am I getting broader?—click here. That’s probably your best bet.
I also have something fun over at AlphaMom that I co-wrote with my friend Kelcey Kintner. Here’s a sample and thank you for not unsubscribing:
I feel you. I mean, I wrote about my HAIR.
Yep, still love you.
Also, I think your writer’s block is actually more like a slightly clogged drain because you got some words out there.
So writer’s clog.
You’re welcome.
“Andy’s Anal Gland Massage Kia” is 100% genius.
I’m quite fond of Must Love Dogs and Agoraphobia! Vet Services, actually.
“friend Kelcey Kintner”
I know you have writers block so here’s some alternatives… “gorgeous friend kelcey kintner”, “most fabulous friend ever kelcey Kintner” or even “so blond she could live in Texas too Kelcey Kintner”
I hope it’s a walgreens!
I predict there WILL be a dog van called the Flea Flicker soon… Though my favorites were the Kia and Must Love Dogs & Agoraphobia!
I agree with Kelcey. I’ve heard Walgreens is awesome!
I haven’t been able to write anything at all, so The Pussy Wagon sounds downright genius.
(And then I got a visual of my grandparents taking their cat there. It’s been a good day.)
Now I have that song from “Wildcats” in my head. And I’m about to go over to Amazon and see if it’s available on Prime streaming, which will suck me into a black hole of remembering movies, looking to see if they’re on Prime streaming, and then going over to IMDB to read the “Trivia” and “Goofs” sections about them. So, basically, with 4 letters and 7 words, you just tanked my productivity for the rest of the day. Which would be a problem except that I didn’t want to do anything else today anyway. So maybe you’re not totally to blame. But that’s still how I’m probably going to spend my afternoon.