My mind is like a pinball machine lately, so in no particular order, here are just a few of the things banging around in there:
1. I Made A Video For Something!
Obviously I’m making good use my Film degree from 1990. Anyway, I thought the two point five seconds I put into conceptualizing, acting, and editing that tour de force was time well spent, but everyone else who saw it seems to disagree. Here are a few of the reviews:
My husband: That was just…weird. Like BAD weird. Not good weird. BAD weird.
My friend Kristi who is always 100% positive: Well, bless your heart! You made a video!
My son Sam: Nobody will know you’re my mom from that, right? I NEED A GUARANTEE, WOMAN.
Fine. Whatever. Those reviews are still better than the ones any Adam Sandler movie has ever received. Plus I think I look really thin under the socks.
2. Listen To Your Mother Austin 2013 Has Just Been Announced!
I’m super excited that Liz McGuire and I will be co-producing and directing our third Listen to Your Mother show, scheduled for the evening of May 9th, 2013. There will also be LTYM shows in 24 (24!) other cities this year. I’m so proud of Ann Imig for what she’s created and hope all of you will be able to see (or be in) a show near you.
More details can be found here.
3. I Hate Furbys!
Click on the little rat bastard to find out why.
4. I’m Rapidly Declining!
If you’ll recall, way back in 2011 I was thrilled to be named Parents Magazine’s Editors Choice Funniest Mom Blog. Then last week, I was mentioned as an “Undiscovered Blogger” on Babble.com. I don’t even know what to make of that, but I guess it means I’ve had a really, really bad year. Cats and Manilow can only take you so far, my friends. It’s true. Ask any hoarder.
But it’s definitely a sign that I’d better up my game. If I don’t, by 2013 I’ll probably be on a “Who the F–k Is This?” blog list and then I won’t even pull in my annual profit of $2.59 and free yogurt coupons that keep me afloat. I’ll be like MC Hammer after the fall.
5. I Almost But Not Really Learned How To Knit!
Remember my friend Chelsea who knits uteri and sends them to lawmakers? Well, after she gave me this little Backdoor Bambi potholder for my Christmas present—
I asked her to teach me how to knit because hello? You can be crafty and X-rated at the same time? Why doesn’t Martha Stewart know about that? But after about an hour of futility, the lesson ended with me yelling, “I CAN’T DO THIS BECAUSE I HAVE ROYAL HANDS AND NOT PEASANT HANDS LIKE YOURS” and Chelsea yelling back, “I’M DONE WITH YOU! LEARN HOW TO KNIT FROM YOUTUBE, MORON,” then a few light stabs to each others kidneys with knitting needles.
I had no idea crafts were so much fun.
6. I’m Flying To Barry!
Yes, that’s right, I’ve now taken the Fanilow sickness to a new level and tomorrow I’m flying to Oakland, CA so I can go to a Barry concert with my friend Nancy Davis Kho of Midlife Mixtape! Whoohoo! Barry! Here’s what my sister Amy just sent me for my birthday:
She thought it was hilarious, of course, and suggests I also wear the off-brand jeggings she bought me at a flea market to impress Barry. (And I totally would if they didn’t say “Joocy” across the ass.)
Anyway, I’m way more excited about this concert than Nancy who’s only going to see Barry so she can get a “funny chapter” for the music book she’s writing. But as God is my witness, I’ll convert her into a Fanilow. Oh, yes I will. Wait and see. Wait. And. See. But right now I have to go pack my suitcase and also buy some yellow feathers for my hair. I just hope my cat Lola doesn’t eat them.
Shit. I just mentioned cats and Manilow again, didn’t I?
There goes my $2.59.
Wendi, I confess I love Barry Manilow, too. Athough Copa is not my fave song of his. And Mandy is. So common of me, isn’t it?
Don’t feel bad about being undiscovered on Babble after being discovered on McSweeney’s, etc, etc, etc. I have not even been undiscovered, and I feel sure I should have been by now!
Favorite line: “…and then I won’t even pull in my annual profit of $2.59 and free yogurt coupons that keep me afloat.”
And the potholder is making me laugh!
Any time you want a knitting lesson come on over. I’ve never knit anything x-rated, though.
I had an entire piano music book of Manilow songs that I played over and over when I was a teenager. When I wasn’t watching Loveboat on Saturday nights, that is…
I’m convinced you need to put down the knitting needles.
Not the direction you want 2013 to go in.
I’m with you, I”ve got to do something too. At least you have the guts to bury yourself in socks and roll around like Ann Margret’s porknbeans scene.
I’m just a chickenshit who’s letting life pass her by.
Enjoy Manilow! Go Manilow or go home.
Also, laughed out loud, If you had hearing dulled like mine, you’d be busting out at what “We have s..x in our house. Lots and lots of f’in s…x in our house” sounds like to those with dimmed hearing. (the high frequency vowel sounds are the first to go)
Undiscovered under the socks. They didn’t look UNDER THE SOCKS. And, yes, they’re very slimming. I also believe the only opinion of what’s actually funny is MINE, so, in my eyes, YOU WIN. And there was no need for that horrifying Furby picture. Really. None.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR BLOG?
To all of Wendi’s readers: please know that she has already asked me to hold her hair while she ululates during “I Made It Through the Rain.” Which is why I’m planning to dress in a blanket of socks so no one will know who I am.
And Wendi? For my “funny chapter,” don’t forget there’s competition from my night of Viking Pagan Death metal with my friend who wore a church camp sweatshirt.
Have so much fun, Fanilow!
Socksy.
I hope you have a kick ass time. I’m actually kind of jealous. I’m all for hanging out with people who 1)know all the lyrics to Copacabana and 2)have no problem singing them in public. Can’t wait for the blog post.
The lists! The damn lists! Damn the lists! But you’d better figure out how to maintain that $2.59 somehow and fast. Wait! The video’ll do it. It’ll be viral aaaaaaaaaaaaaaany minute now.
What? Are we still waiting? The internet is so fickle. THERE ARE SOCKS, PEOPLE!
X-rated crafting? Now I know what people really mean when they say “Will you share your hot glue gun?”.
I love Barry. He sings a song with my name in it. How could I not? Have fun!
Before you start panicking about your MC Hammer status, remember how AWESOME he looked just a few weeks ago on stage with the Gangnam Style dude. There’s hope for you yet!
I don’t know whether to pin this to my “Craft Whores” board, my Christmas board, my knitting board, or my “WTF, Babble?” board.
Any chance you and Chelsea will start marketing her x-rated crafts? I’d love to give a set of Backdoor Bambi potholders and a uterus as a Christmas gifts!
That’s something you don’t hear every day…
While I love your video, the best thing about it is that it’s followed by a link to a video of a bunch of women falling off of stripper poles.
You’re right, socks are slimming, especially mismatched white ones.
As I was watching your video I was like “wow, she’s skinny.” (the “wow” ’cause I guess prior to this I’d thought you weren’t skinny?) —
So it didn’t take you to point it out to me — you look good!
The Manilow and the cats is exactly why we keep coming back. I mean, and the sock videos. Totally the sock videos.
[…] was inspired by a few of my blogger peeps – Sips of Jen and Tonic, A Spoonful of Suga, and Wendi Aarons. I wanted to practice for when I go to Jamaica. I figure I won’t be doing much writing on the […]
Oh come on. It’s not so bad over here on the “Who the F-k is This?” list. We get all the good coupons.