Possessed Cats
Possessed Dogs
Possessed Dogs Who Look Like Possessed Cats But Only Because They Weigh Five Pounds and Ride Around in Lady Purses All Day Like Brokeass Chumps But Despite That Shameful Existence They Really Are Dogs. (Who Are Possessed.)
Possessed Doctors
Possessed Lawyers
Possessed Fast Food Workers (Eyes Already Red, So Save $ on Special FX)
Possessed Oscar Host James Franco (See above)
Possessed Teachers
Possessed Coaches
Possessed PTA Presidents in Lululemon Work-Out Clothes Who Will Be Snubbed On Facebook By Possessed PTA Presidents In Tennis Skirts And Then A Huge Slap Fight/Lunge Battle Will Ensue In A Possessed Florida Pilates Studio (Note: Will Need NC-17 Rating Due To Very Graphic Imagery But OMG HOW FREAKING AWESOME)
Possessed Sisters-In-Law
Possessed Fathers-In-Law
Possessed Mothers-In-Law (May Not Be Believable. Hahahaha! Who Are We Kidding? This Mofo Casts Itself.)
Possessed Squirrels
Sorry, Hollywood, but no parent alive is scared by a possessed kid.
Let’s hear it—what do you guys suggest for the next horror movie? Leave it in comments & I’ll even write the movie poster tagline for you.
Possessed vaccuum cleaners. I made mine cry the other day, I think. I’m on my hundred-teenth vaccuum, and am wondering when it’ll turn on me. Revenge for the pet hair, and two daughters who only use it occasionally to suck up the rubble in their rooms.
Movie poster tagline: “This Halloween, Evil Sucks.”
The Lululemon PTA president one is AWESOME. But my possessed coffee maker has the power to ruin my life.
Movie poster tagline: “The Devil’s Brewing Something Hot.”
Possessed toddlers screaming for a pacifier. Heads spinning.
Possessed gynecologists.
And for the fellas: Possessed proctologists.
Let’s mix some genres. How about a man who is possessed with a demon that falls in love with the man’s neighbor. The demon then tries to woo the neighbor through controlling the man he possesses.
Kardashians
I second that: possessed Kardashians may be the scariest of all.
Possessed cafeteria ladies!
Possessed Politicians.
possessed dirty diapers.
K, Wendi, but warning you, it has been a bitchin’ week…
My list of the PO-ZZZESED!!!
Co-worker.
Boss.
Librarian.
Surgeon. (I am trying to decide if the pre-cursor of brain or plastic is scarier…)
Vandal(s).
Harpist. (Yes, I know it isn’t scary to any one else, but please refer to the previously stated bitchin’ week. I know what I speak of).
Volunteer steering committee.
Fire.
Water.
Calories.
Bees. (insert hornets or wasps, if you so desire.)
Catsup. Don’t ask.
And MY personal favorite…
Internet connection. (Even though I know it is EVIL, I keep going back for more.)
Possessed Plumbing
Possessed Computers
Possessed Geckos
Possessed Mommy-Bloggers.
“In cyberspace, no one can hear you scream.”
Possessed lawn mowers
You had me Lululemon. Ahhh, my Lululemons.
Possessed Lululemons though? THAT is in NOBODY’S best interest.
PTA Presidents that are possessed: hilarious!!
Possessed toilets.
Go to town, girl.
Hollister employees
Possessed Legos that kill by embedding themselves in a person’s foot and then working their way upward.
Possessed shopping carts.
First of all, love the possessed Legos! Many of them over the years. Mine is possessed computer who seem to magically delete the 27 pages you just wrote into your new book and hit save and “whoosh” it’s gone!
Oh, I’m loving the PTA president one – and then I saw the MIL one.
Possessed ovens. I’m not kidding. Mine tries to light itself – the eery click-click-click in the darkness. Spooky.
Possessed phones that ring a minimum of 4 times a day because a political pollster or stumper is trying to reach the occupant. Reoccurs every 4 years, so the potential for sequels is unlimited.
“Hello, It’s Hell Calling. Collect.”
“Eternal Damnation Doesn’t Need Preheating.”
“You Can’t Save Your Pages, But You Can Maybe Save Your Soul.”
“And You Thought The Germs on the Handle Were Scary.”
“This Halloween, The Demon Is Hiding In Your Carpet.”
“They’re Thin, They’re Snotty and They’re the New Face of Hell. Plus, Stinky.”
“The Ty-D-Bol Man Is Back and Boy, Is He Pissed.”
(No tagline, just a comment that everyone at my gym wears Lululemon except me. Go Champion from Target!)
“Blades of Fury: Coming This Fall.”
Possessed Geckos: “And You Thought Gordon Was the Worst Gecko Ever Invented.”
“Wi-Fi? More like DIE-Fi.”
“Pampers Just Got Even More Nasty.”
This might be too true to life.
“Lunch Is Served With A Side of Horror.”
You mean they’re not currently possessed?
I think you just described my subdivision.
“Warning: This Pap Smear May Be Abnormal.”
That’s just an HEB checkout line, isn’t it?
I read this late last night and totally did not get it because I actually thought you wrote ‘processed’ instead of ‘possessed'(yeah midnight sans reading glasses)… so I could not figure out why a horror movie about processed things would be scary, and just assumed you had a bad experience with Velveeta.
Shopping at the mall four 3 kids, with NO sales. That’s scary!!!!
For*
Possessed pencils. They always vanish.
Possessed possessions.
I know I’m late to the party here, but aren’t the Kardashians already possessed?