Wendi Aarons is not a serious candidate.
Wendi Aarons has a troubled past.
Wendi Aarons was born in North Dakota, which might not even be in the United States.
Wendi Aarons has a history of fiscal irresponsibility, mostly at outlet malls and the discontinued Rice-A-Roni shelf at the 99 Cent store.
Wendi Aarons tells everyone she’s a Marxist because she thinks that means pro-mullet.
Wendi Aarons’ only foreign policy experience is the one time she made out with a Canadian in a Toyota after eating Taco Bell.
Wendi Aarons looks like Female Fabio if she doesn’t brush her hair.
Wendi Aarons supports a woman’s right to choose, except the women at her nail salon, who OMFG, cannot choose a nail polish to save their stupid lives and stand in front of the color wall for two fucking hours making the “Hmmm” noise while Wendi has to cool her jets with an old copy of In Touch magazine that Wendi suspects is actually written by highly evolved squirrels who are clearly obsessed with The Big Kardashian and Twilight.
Wendi Aarons is easily irritated.
Wendi Aarons spent 15 years of her life thinking the “ball room” at IKEA is where they hold formal Swedish dances for the workers.
Wendi Aarons is funding her campaign with Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons and Box Tops.
Wendi Aarons plans to balance the federal budget using the Weight Watchers point system.
Wendi Aarons was recently reprimanded by the assistant manager of Cinemark Theaters for throwing popcorn at the screen during the Glenn Beck movie preview.
Wendi Aarons then had the gall to ask for a free refill.
Wendi Aarons showed her true colors by calling the new PTO President “Pol Pot with an off-brand boob job.”
Wendi Aarons’ subsequent apology to PTO Pol Pot was clearly not sincere considering it included the line, “Sorry you got your humungo granny pannies in a wad, babe.”
Wendi Aarons still doesn’t understand why she was put on trash can patrol at the PTO school carnival.
Wendi Aarons regularly gets wine and water confused.
Wendi Aarons is so not good for our country.
Wendi SO has my vote.
But I bet you do a mean, “I can’t believe it’s not butter!”
Send your address. I have a lot of box tops saved up.
I am most definitely voting for Wendi Aarons 2012, just not for president of the PTO. Sounds like that might not be a good idea.
What exactly is the “ball room” at IKEA?
The room with all of the balls that kids jump and pee in.
Frankly Wendi, you’re not much worse than some of this year’s candidates. I’d bet a few of them don’t even know who Pol Pot was.
–>Wendi Aarons’ speeches would always start with the same phrase,
“Long story, short….”
And. . . you have my vote. Good luck with the WW points. I think funding children’s educational programs is 0 points.
Despite the negative political campaigns, WENDI has my vote!
Love loves when you talk about yourself in the third person. And the use of OMFG. Rock on, Wendi Aarons.
Glenn Beck has a movie? Will someone please shoot him and put him out of my misery?
Was going to come up with something pithy to say. But I got distracted by dry skin on my toe. So, what Ali said .
I love this! Hahaha I just got a mullet by accident, but I don’t look as good as Richard Marx. Sending this link to all my friends…
Thanks for the laff.
Simply awesome. You have my vote. But you forgot to mention Barry – will he be veep?
I think you might be on to something with using the weight watchers point system to balance the federal budget system. Even worse than the nail polish wall lingerers are the —adjective–s who take all the bottles of red so they can think about which one would be perfect while they wait. Even the duplicates!
Just try and stop me from voting for Wendi!
Finally, a write-in candidate I can fully support.
Oh Wendi, if only I could vote for your!
Aarons/Palin 2016!
Wendi Aarons is my hero. My hero I tell you.
Nice try, but all these reasons are why I WILL vote for Wendi Aarons.
She is so very good for my country.
(made me laugh, out loud, and relate. oh, maybe too much with the fiscally irresponsible…)
You had me at throwing popcorn at Glenn Beck. Have always dreamed of throwing something at him.
Where do I send my 12 Box Tops?
You got my vote
I now know who I’m voting for!
You could also be a Sally Foster Gift Wrap groupie and fund your campaign with gift wrap, candies, and overpriced calendars. You could also sell cookie dough for some serious coin.
Great post!
wendi has my vote!
I can’t believe you want to live in a country where women do not have the right to leisurely pick out their nail color. I don’t understand women like you.
I don’t even know what “North Dakota” means, but I’d vote for you- simply because you hate clementines as much as I do.
Finally, a candidate who’s serious about full disclosure. You’ve got my vote for whatever you’re running for or from.
I’d vote for you. Except I’m Canadian, but maybe you could change nationalities and come replace Stephen Harper.
You still got my vote! You had me with your campaign funding and balance budget strategies.
wendy you can count on my vote
Balancing the budget with the Weight Watchers point system is beyond genius. President Aarons. I like it.
I’m team Wendi!
PTO Pol Pot. So bad. So hilarious.