My friend Karen Bantuveris of VolunteerSpot asked me if I’d write about my “wonderful” experience being the Room Mom last year, so today I share with you some of my vast wisdom. I know, I’m such a giver.
THE TOP 7 SECRETS OF ROOM PARENTS
1. You’re A Hero
That’s right, a big hero. As soon as it’s announced that you’ve sucked it up and volunteered to be the Room Parent, you’ll be worshiped. That’s because now the other parents no longer have to feel guilty about not doing it themselves. Hooray for you! Of course, you should immediately take advantage of this good will and make them take you out for lunch and coffee and paraffin spa treatments. Because, just like your kid’s new school jacket and $50 backpack, your hero status will soon be lost.
2. You’ll Start the Year as a Benevolent Dictator
At first, you’ll be warm and friendly to everyone. You love the other parents! They’re awesome! You’ll happily invite them to a welcome coffee where you tell them how excited you are to work with the class and all the fun activities you have planned. You assume that if you’re super sweet and likable, the other parents will bend over backwards to help you as much as they possibly can. Hahaha! You are an idiot.
3. You’ll End the Year as an Insane Despot
Because sweet and likable get you nowhere in Room Parent Land, my friend. You’ll first realize this around October when nobody volunteers to help with the school carnival and you’re stuck sweeping up 100 pounds of confetti by yourself in a dark parking lot. Therefore, you’ll need to change tactics and no longer start your emails with a cute, “Hello, parents!” Nope. No way. Now your emails need to start with the much more effective, “LISTEN UP, LOSERS” and include a few thinly veiled threats. Yeah, that’s right. Show ’em who’s boss.
4. You’ll Be Judged No Matter What
If you skimp on the holiday party decorations, you’ll be called a slacker. If you overdo it on the holiday party decorations, you’ll be called a show-off. The phrase “can’t win for losing” is pretty much the room parent’s mantra. Therefore, just do whatever you want to do. Chocolate fountain? Great! No chocolate fountain? Great! As long as the kids and the teachers are happy, it doesn’t matter what the Judgey McJudgersons think. Even if they were kind of right about how you shouldn’t have given the kindergarteners bows and arrows on Track and Field Day.
5. You’ll Need Loan Shark Skills
As soon as you become the Room Parent, you may as well change your name to Jimmy NoNeck and start lifting weights because for the next nine months, you’re nothing but a good fella chasing the other parents down for money. A $20 contribution to the class fund doesn’t seem like much, but for some reason, nobody ever remembers to give it to you. Therefore, when it comes to paying for things, you have two choices: 1) foot the bill yourself or 2) learn how to bust kneecaps. Guess which one’s more fun?
6. You’ll Be the Teacher’s BFF
The biggest, and perhaps only, perk of being Room Parent is increased proximity to the teacher. Getting face time isn’t always easy, but most teachers will welcome you with open arms and happily chat about your child, the inner workings of the school and what they think about the principal’s love life if you’re hanging out in the classroom helping out. Then, years later, when your daughter needs a glowing recommendation to get into Harvard Med, you’ll know just who to call. Suddenly cutting 100 replicas of the Alamo out of Styrofoam won’t seem like such a time suck after all.
7. You Will Never Have to Volunteer Again
The good news is that once you’ve spent a year as Room Parent, you can pretty much coast for the rest of your kid’s school years. A simple, “What’s that? You need library volunteers? Well, if you’ll remember, I was Room Parent four years ago and I’m still not fully recovered. See how my hand still shakes? Good luck, sucker!” and you’ll get out of anything. You see, fair volunteer, the Room Parent is like a firefighter who almost died while rescuing 10 adorable kittens; nobody’s ever going to ask you to run into another burning building for the rest of your life because you’ve already gone above and beyond. And that makes it all worthwhile. Good luck!
Jack at last year’s Holiday Party. That (ahem) had a chocolate fountain.
_____________________________________________
If you’re still game to be a Room Parent, save time, stress {and cash} with VolunteerSpot.com. VolunteerSpot’s FREE online signup sheets make it easy to organize parents, collect money, and signup to help for just about anything: classroom helpers and parties, snack schedules, carnivals and book fairs, recess and library volunteers and more. And no more ‘Reply-All’ email chains.
Plus there’s a huge Sweepstakes on VolunteerSpot’s Facebook page: Win an iPad for YOU and a $500 for your fave School. Enter here!
I’m kind of thankful that we don’t have the room parent thing in Holland.
I can’t get the visual of a roving band of 5-year olds running around with bows & arrows out of my. Thank you for that. I’m pretty sure that’ll keep a smile on my face all day.
So glad we don’t have a room parent at our school… 🙂
OMG – Did you have one of those spy cameras on me in our classroom last year?
Sadly, as my 3rd grader has the same teacher as her sister did last year, I’m a total “sucka” and was already ASKED to be the room mom.
WTF was I thinking?
Bustin’ kneecaps does sound kind of fun . . .
I am so glad they don’t require room parent here.
This post came exactly five days too late.
Signed,
The Newest Sucka
I had it all wrong! I was *starting* as the Insane Despot and ending as “We think she may have a drinking problem…”
Eh, no matter; they haven’t asked me back.
And a chocolate fountain? REALLY?cough…sycophant…cough
I dread the days of having to avoid being a room parent. I can’t say no. Maybe I should get it over with early while expectations are low and parents are riding the my-kid’s-finally-going-to-school high. Or I can be a room parent (nanny) for you. I’ll bring wine, baked goods and an iPod full of Manilow.
I’m all about #7. It’s like serving on jury duty– you’re not called again for years. It helps if you wear a “I was Room Mom in 2010!” button every day, of course.
I am very disappointed in you, Wendy. I thought the body of this post would read simply: Run. Run away.
There are schools that don’t have room parents?! This is the equivalent of me discovering (much too late) that Santa Claus is real.
One of those things I adore about Belgium is the fact that we have no such thing as ‘room parent’.
Due to your persuasive powers, I am going to beg and plead with my kid’s school to let me be the room parent this year. They asked, I ignored, and now I regret it.
keeping this one with me as I am bound to be a class parent this year. It’s like I can’t help myself.
I’m in Year 4 of being a Girl Scout Troop Leader. I know. Yes, you may bow before me.
Hilarious, Wendi.
I submit my Room Parent application every year, but have yet to be selected. I’m guessing that when they ask for “supporting documentation”, submitting my RAP sheet was a
goodbad idea.Ducks and covers behind the chocolate fountain.
My oldest child is now 27, and I am living proof that EVERYTHING you stated is fact. Both my boys had the most incredible teacher ever and I was happy to help her and yes, I happily sucked up to her whenever needed.
And the money thing…so true but 27 years ago the required amount was a lot less. Maybe every room parent should open up a PayPal account in the hopes that people can’t say, “Oops! I don’t have cash or the checkbook on me.” Cheap bastards!
And as far as sucka’s go – not only was I the room parent back then, but I was also the Halloween Carnival Chairperson for the entire school so NEVER got to watch my kids play those cheesy carnival games, I was too busy telling everyone where to go!
And of course, loved and (sadly) related to this post!
Thank you for the wise words of wisdom. I have recently become the first president of the new booster club for one of my children’s athletic teams. Yeah…I think if I live I could regret this. lol.
Also thank you for making me laugh. I really needed it today and I’m guaranteed to smile. Keep up the awesome work.
I don’t think my daughter’s class has a room parent yet. I am weighed down with guilt. Should I do it? While reading 2-5, I thought absolutely not! Then I got to 6-7, and I started to wonder what it would be like to on the “inside.”
I think my experience as a junior high teacher may have be the best training for this position. Going to see the teacher today at a school function. May inquire.
But keep 2-5 in mind.
Seriously conflicted.
So you signed up again this year, right?
(Also, our large elementary school is using Volunteer Spot exclusively and it’s fantastic! Great time-saver.)
I have never been room mom…in fact, I am every room mom’s worst nightmare: I am one of those slacker moms that spends a lot of time trying to avoid the eye of the room mom. It’s not that I don’t love my kids, I do. I just have a horrible habit of forgetting to do what I’m supposed to do either at all or until the last minute, leaving me scrambling to bring bake sale items, having any cash on me at all (what can I say, my kids take it ALL) and my kids have a habit of forgetting to tell me they need whatever it is they need until the morning that they need it. I hate having to sell fundraising items (what? you don’t want to be 10 rolls of wrapping paper priced twice what you’d pay at Target? But look at the QUALITY! This wrapping paper is MUCH thicker, making it harder for the recipient to tear it off your gift, wad it up, and throw it away than that OTHER wrapping paper. OBVIOUSLY, you NEED this stuff! No? Eh…you’re right, you’re right…this shit is going in the garbage anyway. And yeah, the chocolate is overpriced and who needs another holiday decoration made in China but priced like Tiffany’s made it instead. Forget it!) So while I totally appreciate the room mom (who else could pull this stuff together at the last minute by bullying people like ME to get up at 6 a.m. to visit the 24-hour Meijer nearby to get whatever), my attitude has always been, “See ya! Wouldn’t wanna be ya!”
Mmhm.
And never again.
I tried it when my HS boy was in the 4th grade. I ended up resigning by January.
No matter what I did, it was never what someone wanted.
Ridiculous.
They all complain, yet no one will do it.
Figure that one out.
This was so funny and the comments were a hoot! It’s interesting to me that many moms at our school WANT to be room mom. Have at it, I say. Thanks for the laugh.
You are awesome! This made me laugh right in the middle of struggling with conflicts in our PTA, where I happen to be the president, btw not a fun job at all. Thanks for being you and keeping it funny!