How much do you want to reveal? If your answer is “less than a married politician when asked what he was doing behind the bushes in the park at midnight,” a one-piece suit is what you need. But if you’re instead the type of person who regularly posts pictures of her toenails on Instagram, get yourself a rockin’ bikini, baby! Who cares if it feels weird to show off your bare stomach? As any Real Housewife can tell you, there’s no such thing as overexposure. Even if it means the losers down at the municipal pool now know you have a Whitesnake tattoo on your coccyx.
Step 3: Don’t Shop Online
While it may be tempting to have a new swimsuit sent right to your door, you must resist the lure of online shopping. You see, recent medical studies have shown that the abject humiliation and self-loathing one feels while standing under the harsh fluorescent lights of a public dressing room is crucial to a woman’s health. Because it is this same humiliation and self-loathing that keeps you safe from harm at the beach. Does an unconfident woman ever jump into the deep end or body surf or swim too far out? No, she does not. She hides her thighs with a beach towel and weeps under the lifeguard stand.