After weeks of exhaustive searching, it looks like today we’ll finally be bringing home a new kitten. Hooray! This makes us all very happy, but it’s especially great news for Virgil who’s been searching for a Sister Wife for quite some time.
For the love of God, I need a better companion than the crazy blonde lady who keeps dressing me up in her old Spanx and calling me SuperCat.
Trust me when I say it hasn’t been easy finding the perfect new pet for our home. Sure, we still we have our two fish, but those splashing losers are basically just killing time on The Green Mile before their untimely deaths. Tick tock, fishies. Don’t wait too long to talk to an estate planner about that lovely fluorescent castle of yours.
And then, for some reason, nobody really seemed to want to cuddle up with the friendly little fellow I found on my plastic desk mat Saturday morning:
No, I don’t have sequined carpet. It’s probably just his evil poison beads.
Creepy, right? Luckily he was a baby and luckily he was already dead so I just had to zoom him up in the Dustbuster while I made this noise: “EEEEEEEEEEE.” Of course the ironic thing about it all is that my sorority nickname was El Baby Scorpion. (No, it wasn’t.)
Much less scary was this adorable round-up of the usual suspects we saw when we were at the Austin Animal Shelter yesterday. However, I’m pretty sure poor Virgil would have developed a complex if we brought home someone cuter than him. He’d be like Khloe Kardashian or whatever the name of the big one is.
I almost passed out from the cloud of intoxicating puppy breath.
So back to the kitten! It looks like later today we’ll be picking up a very sweet orange girl tabby who sort of looks like a furry Creamsicle with a tail. (But don’t be tempted to lick her ear. Jack found that out the hard way.) She’s 10 weeks old and was brought into the shelter as a stray, so hopefully she won’t have any gang tats and/or a bottle of Boones Farm in a paper bag under her paw. At any rate, the boys fell in love with her at first sight, and that’s saying a lot because they probably looked at approximately 12,504 kittens and one rather ill-tempered ferret during this entire kitten vetting process. Whew.
But now we need your help because we don’t yet have a name for our new kitty. The entire family has been trying to brainstorm all day long, but so far, we haven’t come up with anything good because we’re on summer vacation and our brains don’t seem to work very well. To wit:
Virgil’s Cat Wife
And my husband’s personal favorite: “Rodney.” Who the hell wants to name an adorable baby girl kitten “Rodney”? He’s just asking for his damn shoes to be pooped in is what he’s doing. Weirdo.
So here’s what I’d love you to do: Click on my Facebook Fanpage and leave a name suggestion. (Yes, I have a Facebook Fanpage. Don’t judge.) We don’t have a picture of her yet, but this is pretty much what she looks like (except she’s way cuter):
And just to show you all how much I appreciate the help, I’ll even randomly select someone who leaves a name for us and send them a super great prize that I haven’t yet figured out but it (probably) won’t be Pokemon cards and my old Spanx that Virgil refuses to wear.