Many years ago, I worked as a copywriter at an Austin advertising agency. This was in my young and stupid days when I had a lot of time on my hands, so my favorite thing to do was wait until my co-workers were away from their desks, then I’d run over and send company-wide emails from their accounts. I know. I was a total delight to have in the office.
Usually the emails were something random like, “Has anyone seen my Destiny’s Child t-shirt? I left it in the break room yesterday and it has SUPER AMAZINGLY HUGE sentimental value!!!!” Sent from my 55-year-old boss Jim’s computer.
Or, “FYI: I’ll be wearing my red suit tomorrow, so please bring your children in and let them sit on my lap for pictures!! (But don’t tell my parole officer—-heeheee!)” Sent from Manuel, the creepy intern’s computer.
Or, “Sorry about what I just did to the 3rd floor restroom. Fucking beans.” Sent from Mary, the elderly human resource manager’s computer.
Did I mention that I was laid-off from this particular job?
Anyway, the best email I ever sent was from my friend Kelly’s computer. Our office parking lot was surrounded by a forest of bamboo plants, so one day when she went out to lunch, I rushed over to her computer and sent an email to the entire company that said, “URGENT. Does anyone know if eating mass quantities of bamboo is harmful to humans?! Please advise because I’m dizzy. Thanx, peeps!!”
Two things then happened. One, the president of the agency read the email and immediately called Kelly’s desk to check on her. When nobody answered, she had her assistant frantically start calling hospitals to see if they’d admitted poor, bamboo chewing Kelly. And then I had to suck it up and slink my way to the CEO’s office and admit that it was actually me behind the super hilarious bamboo email. Boy, was that a fun 15 minutes.
And the second thing that happened was that Kelly gave me the silent treatment for about three weeks. Although, to be fair, she was probably more upset that the company president thought she was actually stupid enough to hunker down in the parking lot and snack on bamboo shoots than about the email itself. Which is completely understandable because she doesn’t even like Chinese food.
After that I never did the rogue email thing again, but I was reminded of it today when I tweeted this:
Now, I thought it was really clear that I was joking around, but I guess it wasn’t. Because in the few hours since I sent that tweet, I’ve received quite a few DMs, emails and replies advising me to call Poison Control and/or a veterinarian ASAP. So not only am I not funny, but at least more than a couple of people think that it’s entirely possible I’d swallow tuna-flavored medicine from a bottle with huge paw print and whisker graphics on it.
Yay, me!
So, for the record and to clear up any and all embarrassment once and for all: Jim didn’t have a Destiny’s Child t-shirt, Manuel did not want children to sit on his lap, Mary did not clog the toilet, Kelly did not OD on bamboo and I most definitely didn’t accidentally inhale a cat pill today.
At least as far as I know.
My throat does feel a little hairy.
It would seem that your “humor” is probably just a little bit too subtle for most. (Everybody is SO uptight these days!)
I would love for you to send an e-mail from my computer to any of my in-laws. I bet they would never speak to me again after reading it, and for that, I would owe you. BIG. I trust Friskies are your snack of choice?
Oh Wendi! I think you’re funny, though if I had seen this tweet I would have said, “You’ll be fine.” 🙂
You are either a really good person to have around or, well, not. Either way, though, I’m really glad you didn’t hypothetically take cat antibiotics. Cheers to all you jokers out there. We need more of you!
I read that tweet, because I was going to reply about taking one of my dog’s epilepsy pills, which I had not really done.
After I read all the replies though I started to worry that possibly you had in fact taken your cat’s medicine, and then my joke about dog pills would seem insensitive and sort of mean.
Lesson learned though.
But the world needs people like you. I, for one, would have loved getting those emails. Maybe less so being the subject of them, but still…funny.
This is actually a really good thing to do, and a habit I’ve brought to two companies since I picked it up working at (speaking of) Twitter. It reminds people to lock their (&^$(&$^(#& console before wandering off, leaving who knows what proprietary information and privileged system access active available to anyone who wanders by.
Anytime someone leaves a console unlocked, I’d encourage everyone to use it to send an email to the companywide mailing list. Maybe next time they’ll pay attention to some basic security.
-robin
You are much more clever than I am. Whenever my sister leaves her Facebook account logged on, all I can ever think to write is “Hi, My name is Beth and I just pooped my pants! LOL!”
My husband used to work in an office with a bunch of old farts that could barely figure out how to even access their email. He changed his boss’s screen saver to a picture of Bo and Luke Duke. The guy could never figure out how to get rid of it.
Well, I thought you actually took the pill but knew you’d be fine. Here’s why. I recently took my dog’s tick and flea preventive pill. I had put it inside a cube of cheese and then turned around and ate it. I was distracted. And hungry. I called my doctor who said I should expect to “slick up and have a shiny coat”. And I went all summer without a tick or flee.
Tone can be difficult to ascertain on the Interwebs… emoticons help, assuming people understand they are usually passive aggressive.
When my daughter ran short on prednisone, I gave her some of our dog’s. Same pharmacy, same looking tablet.
Now you should see her chase her tail!
Holy crap, that’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a LONG time. I bet you were missed in that office(though whether they’d admit it is a whole ‘nother thing)! And lay off the cat pills, would ya? Fluffy will never get over that UTI if you keep snarfing up her pills.
Well I was going to comment on how some people just do not have a sense of humor, of course you were joking! But then I read Mindy’s comment above and about choked on my coffee. Too funny!
Bamboo is so the new kale.
I would love to see an office “eff with everyone’s email account” duel between you and Chelsea Handler. That would be classic! I volunteer to be a judge.
My daughter has a friend that just doesn’t understand humor at all. I am used to people laughing at the things I say, but her reaction most of the time is OMG and looks of shock. My daughter then has to tell her that I was kidding. Everyone else seems to understand these are jokes. What is her problem?
omg we used to do that email thing at our old job–YEARS ago. Did I mention that ended badly too?
you are hysterical!
If I buy you a ticket to Baltimore, will you please come to my office and send rogue emails?
Yes I did want those kids on my lap.
Usually when you do something wrong on your computer it beeps at you. I once changed the office manager’s computer to scream M-Effing SOB (it actually said the whole phrase) instead of beep. She found out while our boss was having a conference with a new client 🙂
When I was in the first year of my career in advertising, I worked at a well-known, large agency. This was the mid-nineties, so e-mail was fairly new and this agency had the quickmail system, which had a number of features you don’t see today. One of those was the ability to remove people from a copy list and then still reply to everyone from the first mail.
Being young and stupid, I diverted a group of account executives from a large-distribution e-mail in order to make a crack about the sock and shoe choices of the director of account management (I know – brilliant). Unfortunately, another assistant AE responded to “all” and sent it back to the person in question. Three of us converged on her cube at once, screaming UNSEND! (another archaic feature of quickmail) but it was too late. We could see (thank you quickmail) that he had already read it.
To his credit, he never spoke of it. However, the horror has lived with me to this day.
I’d like to say it prevented me from ever committing an e-mail indiscretion again, but it is, sadly, not true. Even as I turn forty, I can’t change my personality…and making dumb mistakes appears to be part of me! You are not alone!
–>I wish we worked together.
The best thing I did on April Fool’s Day was put a note on the copy machine that it was now “Voice Activated” because I sat close enough to it to see if I would catch anyone.
I DID!
(I think it’s your turn in WWF.)
Deb
So – does this mean you already figured out the answer to your horse tranquilizer questions? Answer, just in case: half of one is plenty!
The ingesting your cat’s antibiotic is not as far fetched as you might think. I have a large dog with severe thunderstorm phobia. The Vet recommended Xanax (for dog). Turns out Xanax has NO appreciable effect on my dog. After giving up countless nights sleep with a terrified, climbing, panting dog; it finally occured to me that at least one of us was should get a good night’s sleep during a storm.
Yeah – Xanax – better than Benadryl!
I cannot stop laughing at this. That is all.
Damn! Why didn’t I think of that???
You’re a trip…. Rock on!
What people lack in sense of humour you make up for so the scales are balanced.
In my opinion.
I have to tell you, I would have taken that tweet seriously because rocket scientist that I am, I keep all my pills in the same kitchen cabinet, and a couple times when half asleep I’ve almost downed my dog’s meds instead of an aspirin.
I suppose I could just move the dogs’s meds to a different cabinet, but what fun would that be?
Oh my goodness, this is so hilarious. You’ve given me some great ideas…to share with a co-worker who is ballsier than I. haha And I cracked up at Jennifer’s comment too. Just trying to imagine how that went over. Funny stuff!
I wouldn’t worry until you acutally start hacking up hairballs. If that happens, just take some of that hairball remedy stuff & you’ll be fine.
That’s hilarious!! I agree with Catherine. Some people just don’t have a sense of humor.
Oh My you and your posters are hilarious! We have a company policy about locking your screens when you leave your desk. I am the one who will send an email from your computer if you do not lock it … along with many others on my floor. Yep we are the IT floor … lol!
At a previous job, the IT guy and I were friends and practical jokers. He has done many things to me while at work. But he and I both have a sense of humor, so it was funny… but not near as funny as when a secretary at our corporate office tried to forward an email from her married boss who was trying to break off an affair with her to ALL instead of to her friend Alice. O_o
This is hilarious! I can’t even tell you how many “jokes” have backfired on me. At least you had the guts to man up and take responsibility. Once I’m found out, I usually just grab my car keys and high tail out of town.
Oh, cripes, that was Janet Evanovich-funny (I’m reading Sizzling Seventeen today, thus the reference)! Remind me not to leave my laptop open around you.
So funny! I can’t stop laughing!
(I didn’t see the tweet, but I would have known you were kidding).
Memo to Jim:
If you ever find that t-shirt (I know I know it’s not yours but if it were and you were officially done wearing it) I will totally buy it off you.
Sincerely,
Julie D.C. Gardner
p.s. Kelly Rowland is my Co-Pilot
Here are words I never thought I would write:
I wish I worked in an office.
But only so I could send emails like that. Because those are laugh out loud funny.
Just to be clear, you didn’t actually take the cat’s medicine? ;);)
I crack myself up.
You asshole, I’m in west Texas right now, having left my parents place in Arizona to come give you the heimlich.
I wish to god you had worked in my non-profit ad agency back in the day. Smokey the Bear was taking himself WAY too seriously. We could have used some Wendi humor.
And beware the righteousness of Twitter.
That being said, I would emergency tweet right after calling 911 just to be on the safe side. Someone’s bound to help.
This is BY FAR the funniest post I have read all night! Thanks for the laugh.
Twitter doobie-do-gooder patrol is so gonna get you Wendi! I can commiserate, I myself need a t-shirt, or tattoo across my forehead: CHILL THE FUCK OUT. IT’S A JOKE!
I don’t know what everyone else’s problem is. I totally got it. DUH, NOT-SARCASM-AFICIONADOS.
Thank god. I hope your urinary tract infection is cleared up now. From what I’ve heard through the grapevine, your family was getting pretty tired of you peeing on the carpet while they were out.
You are hysterical! But office environments are always tricky, I guess. I say go for it when you think it’s funny because sometimes it can really be great. Just yesterday I was in Target buying many, many cans of cat food (my darn cat has gingivitis!!!) and this little boy (about 7 or 8) was behind me in line. He looked at all the cans and said, “Wow, that’s a lot of cat food. Do you have a cat?” I couldn’t help myself and said, “Oh no, that’s what we eat for dinner.” My ten year old daughter was a little mortified but boy was I relieved when the kid’s mother cracked up and said, “Well played.” If I was your workmate I would have loved your emails.
Hey there, me again. I called you out on my blog today. Check it out.
You make me hate going on vacation b/c I miss posts like these.
Well, not HATE, but, anyway: don’t like missing these.
So wonderful.
I’ve taken my dog’s pills before, but that was on purpose. Mostly because the little prick gave me ringworm and I’d already spent so much on vet bills that I didn’t have enough left over to get antibiotics of my own. I was just standing there in the kitchen, scratching myself and cursing the dog, when I looked over at the canine pills and thought, “Why not?” I was ringworm-free in a few days and no one was the wiser. Until now. So you’re welcome.
this post had me laughing out loud like a crazy person.
you are super duper funny.
BTW – if I had seen that tweet I would NOT have sent you any advice, I would have just laughed and laughed and laughed. (I think that’s what you wanted, but why does it seem wrong now?)
LOL! Those are some creative emails! (I kinda wish I did the same thing in one or two temp jobs that I had years ago)