Last Saturday, we decided to go to the Austin Cat Fancier Association’s downtown cat show. Mostly because my boys are obsessed with cats, but also because I adore any kind of convention or show that’s full of fanatics. Like the Burbank X-Files convention that we almost went to many years ago until we got scared off by all the Mulder wannabes who had “I WANT TO BELIEVE” tattooed on their necks. I still regret not going in and buying that awesome Scully wig, though. It would have really added some 90’s spice to my marriage.
Before we headed out to the cat-a-palooza, I sent a text to my friend Jennifer that said, “Cat show. Downtown. Join us.” Jennifer, being Jennifer, immediately texted back, “O.M.G. What time?! Do I need to iron my Purina shirt?!” I’ve said it before—everybody needs a Jennifer in their life. She’s definitely my one call from jail.
We arrived at the show and the first thing we saw was a small, older woman sitting behind a huge table covered in bat paraphernalia. I immediately thought I’d screwed up and taken us all to the Bat Fancier’s show instead, but then I realized that, this being Austin, there’s of course an alliance between the “bat enthusiasts” and the “cat enthusiasts.” Why wouldn’t there be? They both end in “-at” and may, at times, involve capes.
(By the way, even if you’re a very polite person like me, it’s really, really hard to walk into a cat show and not want to scream, “I SMELL POOO-SAY!”)
(I resisted.)
The show’s room had rows of tables where the owners set up their cat’s cages—some more elaborate than others, all containing litter boxes for the contestants just like on Toddlers and Tiaras. At one point, a “cat mommy” walked past us with huge, bleeding claw marks on her arms and drawled, “Silkyface got me. She’s being a total diva today.” Again, just like on Toddlers and Tiaras.
The judging areas were on one side of the room and each cat would wait patiently in its cage until their particular CATegory was called. (OK, I was just trying out a “cat word play” thing right there, but obviously, I need to stop.) During the competition, the cats sat in wire cages while the very serious judge would crouch to the ground and wave a sparkly toy at them to see who had the best reaction. Then she’d take out each cat and examine its body and teeth while they hissed and yowled. (Question: Am I the only person who thinks Donald Trump should do this in the Miss USA pageant? I know I would love to see Miss Alabama checked for fleas.)
Jennifer, who actually is a Cat Professional, walked around with me and the kids for about two hours, and repeatedly said, “May I touch your cat?” to the owners. My husband Chris did the same thing and now I think he might be engaged to a woman named Bitsy who not only raises Bengal cats, but also dresses like them. Honestly, with all her safari wear, it was awfully hard to see where the cat ended and Bitsy began.
Other ladies just went with simple embroidery:
(Less is more, Bitsy.)
The most interesting aspect of the cat show was probably the variety of exotic cats. No back-alley-born calico losers like Miss Dickens for these people. No way. They all had special breeds that required lots of time and lots of money. Like the woman I talked to who had no hair, missing teeth and shoes held together with gum drops, but was still “making payments” on an Abyssinian. Now, if I were her, I’d probably opt for “making payments” on a dental plan, but you know, different strokes.
Now, let’s meet the cats!
Here’s a little someone who took her Brazilian waxing just a bit too far:
And someone who would make me sleep with a machete under my pillow:
And here’s Mr. Freckles, a Scottish Fold. I now know way more than I ever wanted to know about Scottish Folds because his owner just loves to talk and talk and talk. Maybe that’s why her cat does this:
My biggest complaint about the show is probably the fact that they didn’t hang a sign by the restrooms that said, “PUBLIC LITTERBOXES.” I mean, come on. That’s just synergy.
But luckily, they did have shopping areas where you could buy anything from cat socks to cat earrings. After browsing a bit, Jennifer whispered to me, without any irony whatsoever, “Those ladies selling feline toothpaste were sure being gossipy and catty.” Oh, Jennifer. We were also both intrigued by the cat toy area, mostly because the feathers on a stick looked like something you could buy in one of those XXX stores off the freeway where I once saw my ex-boss’ car. I would have gotten a couple of the feather sticks to play with at bedtime, but they probably would have made me, I mean, my cat, sneeze too much.
Finally, it was time to go home for some long, hot showers and a few hundred doses of Benadryl and Sudafed. But not before I begged my husband to buy me this:
If you’re guessing he said “Oh, hell no,” you’d be right.
I really don’t like his cattitude.
YES!!
The cat post.
See how fast I jumped over. Yes.
The catitude. I say order it online.
YOU, only YOU, can pull this shirt off.
So much funny in here: Donald Trump, the lady with the gumdrop teeth (hilarious)
but the winner is:
By the way, even if you’re a very polite person like me, it’s really, really hard to walk into a cat show and not want to scream, “I SMELL POOO-SAY!”)
Like I said, this post: worth the wait.
Also: the only way I could go would be to not go. No shower afterward, no antihistamine, not enough inhalers in the world that would save me from the death that cats bring me.
Think I’ll be OK with Marinka’s book, if I read it with my H1N1 flu mask on.
Shoes held together with gum drops?!? Ack! I love it! Hilarious!
I was in the midst of all this (but, like Jennifer, in a professional capacity) last year in New York during Meet the Breeds, and oh, I do love me some cat people. So much tinsel!
And I’m pretty sure I’ve met Bitsy.
OMG. I laughed out loud. Mainly because I totally get these cat people (especially since I just attended BlogPaws) and partially because I fear that deep down inside, had I never gotten married, I would be one of them.
How many posts have you ever written? I might have to go back and read every single one.
God, I love this.
And being an industry insider now, I wish I’d been there. Also, I’d like to unfold the Scottish Fold’s ears. Did you try to do that?
So glad you finally got to this. So sorry there are no pictures of Bitsy.
The black cat is totally my kind of cat – kind of evil looking.
hahaha…now i wonder what i’ve missed all these years trying to avoid rubbing shoulders with the masses
too funny
The Scottish Fold looks like my husband when he realizes I’ve found his dirty bike shorts on my clean bath towel again. Better fold up and make yourself small, buddy.
I say spring a Cattitude Negligee on your husband for your anniversary. He’ll be so conflicted he won’t know what to do.
SAVE THE SCOTTISH FOLD!
OMG. I love this post and have deep regrets that I could not join you.
BWAHhahaha. (Did I spell that correctly?) The Empress and I are in sync today because she quoted all my favorite lines except the feather tickler/ex-boss’ car one. Great job. PS: I used to go to Star Trek conventions. Unironically. But I was 15.
Being a Scottish native blessed with the cultural trait of verbosity, I am impressed by your perceptiveness.
That is a clear case of: owner talking, ear flaps closing.
Either that or his best poker face.
I’ve been waiting for this one. Oh how worth the wait it was…
Ah Bitsy. There’s always a Bitsy…in Texas. LOVE IT!
This gives me an idea for a competition they could put on in prison. I see Donald Trump in it, checking the inmates teeth. Right before he gets shanked, of course.
I get all the catitude I need at home.
LOVE the lady making payment on a cat that needed dental work. I live in a low rent neighborhood with people who have money for tattoos but not money for soap, shampoo, laundry detergent, dental work, etc.
Okay, yes, ha ha cat/dog/and holy hell yes bird people are freaks.
Hmmmm. . .
That said . . .
I could see . . .
Those floppy ears on that Scottish Fold make me want one *whiney voice*. To go with my Twizzler shoelaces (haven’t hit the rock bottom of gumdrops, yet).
Meow.
Too far?
I know this is not the point but there are bat enthusiasts?!
I like your cattitude Aarons.
That black cat is my cats twin… and yes I sleep with a machete under my pillow.
Two questions: Did you get a free, one-year subscription to ‘Cat Fancy’ with your paid admission? And, was the crew from “Animal Horders” there?
I’ve been waiting for this one since I saw your tweets about going. I show my horses and those people are crazy. I can’t even imagine the cat crowd. The fact that there was a bat person gives me far too much for the imagination.
This is the gift you get for surviving the summer from hell. Who needs rain when there are cats & bats and the people who love them?
We are a dog only family, as my husband has an allergy to cats. He thinks my you’re- allergic-to-pussy jokes aren’t very funny. He’s such a buzzkill.
Okay, my question is, did you WANT to go to this Wendi, or were you just looking for material for your blog? Because if it’s the former, I am a tad concerned.
P.S. Jennifer sounds like a cool cat. *groans*
Amazing. Mr. Freckles looks super pissy and I feel a certain kinship with him.
Whenever I hear about “cat people” I immediately think about my husband’s coworker. Though instead of putting all of her money into one expensive cat and cat show fees, she spreads it out to maintain SEVENTEEN cats. All of whom were living in her one bedroom apartment. That is – until she complained about a leaky faucet and made the super come up to check it out. Then – THEN – she was astounded to get an eviction notice. This coworker also drags a small suitcase to work with her every day. Chris and I speculate on what she keeps in the bag. My guess is either snacks or cats.
Oh how I hope your boys pick out the Brazilian waxed kitty when Miss Dickens, bless her heart, goes to the cat convention in the sky.
You had me at POO0-SAYY!!
Ah, yes. The people at the cat convention are an interesting bunch. My husband I went to one in Fort Worth. They get really upset if you touch their cat without asking. And yes, you will be turned down sometimes because Mr. or Ms. So-So is about to go before the judges. My in-laws went to a cat show and came home with a kitten that had won 1st place but because of her attitude she could no longer be “shown”. She still has the attitude. My husband would have the same reaction to that shirt.
I’m in pain. Just… in pain.
Although you wrote about cats I know you quilt! And I need some help! Hey quilters I need some solidarity. My favorite niece is a quilter extraordinaire and she also contributes heavily to breast cancer – one of her companies, “Save the Tatas”, gives over 100,000 per year to this important research. Please vote for her as she can even donate more money to this cause at http://pinkwell.org/ if you do, by winning the Ellen DeGeners Award. It is Breast Cancer awareness month and it’s something all of you should be paying attention to! Thanks for your help!
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I got stuck on “Last Saturday, we decided to go to the Austin Cat Fancier Association’s downtown cat show.”
I’m think of sending you a Cattitude Journal so you can keep track of your daily blessings that come from being a cat owner.
I once stayed in a hotel that hosted a Freaks and Geeks conference. It was the most spectacular event I’ve ever seen, though I think still lacking in pizazz against this one.
I think you should yell ‘smells like pooooo-say’ as you walk into the next PTA meeting.
(I love you and Jennifer together. You’re my Carrie Fisher/Penny Marshall.)
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