Someone recently told me that a good way to make money on your blog is by courting advertisers via sneaked mentions of them in your posts. To a purist like myself, this is completely unbelievable. After all, I’m a writer with standards, not a shill for The Man. Not a stupid slogan monkey. All you have in this life is your integrity, and I fully intend to keep mine.
That’s why when I was surfing the net on my (truly amazing and futuristic) iPad™ from Apple© and came across a blog that mentioned a product no less than five times, I was appalled. Five freakin’ times? I tell you, I almost fell out of my Office Max® chair and choked on my curiously strong Altoid™ mint when I saw that. Thank God I had a bottle of refreshing Smartwater® to wash it down or I probably would have died. And then who would have unloaded my incredibly efficient Kenmore™ dishwasher? My friends from MerryMaids™? My oh-my-God-is-there-anything-it-can’t-do!? Roomba®? It was a scary, scary moment.
Of course, I’m all for making money on my blog—as evidenced by the $2.50 I brought in last year—but there is just no way I’d ever assault my readers with subtle product placement. And I mean that from the bottom of my Nike™ Mercurial Vapor Superfly III FG Men’s Soccer Cleats #4 to the top of my Miss Clairol Nice ‘n Easy Root Touch-Up© highlights! You will never, ever see unwanted advertising here, my friends. I swear that on the stack of well-priced, top quality bibles I just conveniently and easily purchased at ChristianBooks.com. (“Good God, Will You Look at These Low Prices?”)
Believe me, I know the reason all three of my readers keep coming back week after week is because I’m honest with them. I never pretend that I’m a global superstar like Def Jam recording artist Rihanna whose new album is available for immediate download on iTunes© starting Thursday. Nor do I ever act like I’m too big for my Banana Republic Spring Collection® britches. I’m simply myself in a very SimpleGreen All-Purpose Cleaner© kind of way. Yes, I’m both safe and effective on multi-surfaces and leave no lasting residue. And that’s the reason I can hold my head up high.
So to those of you who tell me I need to sell out or that I should build my brand, I say stuff it like a stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut™, you jackasses. Because I know who I am, I know where I’m going and I know just how I’m going to get there.
Thanks to Expedia.com, of course.