One of my biggest regrets as a mother and writer is that I didn’t start my blog until my kids were already well out of diapers. Quite honestly, it makes me truly sad to think of all the moments I could have captured with words and pictures and real, raw emotion if I’d only had the wherewithal to become a mommy blogger way back then.
First smiles, first steps, first words and, perhaps most cherished of all, my babies sleeping in my arms—those moments are but memories stored in my head and not in a digital scrapbook that I can lovingly share with my children when they’re old enough to appreciate the sweetness of those days. I sincerely wish I had done a better job of preserving their babyhoods.
That’s why I thought it might be really meaningful to my family if I tried to return to that glorious newborn baby time, just for one day. I know I can never recapture how special those moments were, but I do hope you’ll appreciate my attempt to write some posts like I imagine I would have way back then:
October 7, 2001
SAM IS THREE DAYS OLD!
Hi, everyone! I can’t believe I have a baby son! He’s soooooo cute, but I’m so fuc fucsh fuc
damn tired and………………j
K:
ei
ae;i
f jea;
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Whoops Sorry! Head hit keyboard and
AKSDJD”ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 🙂 🙂 🙂 //////////////////////
I’M AWAKE!
Here’s an adorable picture I took of Sam wearing his cutest little baby pajamas (I think he looks like me!):
October 14, 20000001
SAM IS TEN DAYS OLD!
Hi, everyone! Quick question: DO BABIES EVER SLEEP OR IS MINE A rosemary baby DEMON?!?!?! DO HIS EYES EVER SHUT!?!?
OMG, I can’t believe I said that about my baby!
I DIDN’T MEAN IT, SAM!
P.S. Sam is sooooo cute! I know everybody says their baby is the cutest baby, but MY BABY REALLY IS THE C UTEST BABY! way more so than that weird hairy baby down the street. Seriously, that furry little thing’s part dachshund. I think his dad’s either Rin Tin Tin or a talking possum.
Here’s a picture I just took of Sam sleeping in his crib!
OCT 17, 18?
SAM IS 16 DAYS OLD!
I wish everyone would Leave me alone. I’m NOTt sad. I just LOVE MY BABY SO MUCH!!! THAT’S WHY I’M CRYING AND SMELL LIKE EXPIRED DAIRY PRODUCTS AND HEMORRHOID CREAM AND WITCH HAZEL PADS! (Side note: My boobs are the size of Danny Devito’s head. I am having nightmares about TAXI. I am waking up screaming for Reverend Jim. If you are reading this and you a a doctor, please call me without hesitation.)
P.S. Neeed sleeeep
PPS Neeed more sleep
SLEEEEEPPPPPPPPP
OCTOBER OR NOVEMBER WHO THE FUCK KNOWS
SAM IS 20 DAYS OLD!
Hi, everyone! i’m really really really really really really exhausteed. Sam is right here on my lap and, oh great. He’s pooping again. That’s a SHOCKER. This kid goes through diapers like he’s a frickin Pampers stockholder. WHERE IS ALL THE POOP COMING FROM? IS HE IMPORTING IT FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY? Also, I think I might light the Diaper GEnie on fire tonight just to have something to distract me from what my stomach looks like after giving birth.
BUT SAM IS SO CUTE AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!
Check out this totally sweet picture of Sam with his Daddy!
ISN’T THAT SO CUTE!? I think I might frame it and …Oops, time to take Danny Devito out and do some nursing. Please leave a c omment & subscribe to my blog!
Maybe it’s better that those memories are just in my head after all.
______________________
Hahahaha.
I blogged when my girls were toddlers. I am sorta glad I wasn’t when my oldest was born. That would have been very bad.
by the way, that photo of him and his daddy…so uh priceless.
You forgot the part about throwing things at your husband and screaming at him like a banshee: “take the baby take the baby! No, you can’t go to the bathroom right now! Take. The. Damn. Baby!”
My mom-in-law was in town for my son’s first week of life, she took A LOT of pictures. Most of them seem to indicate I should be subject to some sort of A&E Intervention.
Keep the baby years in your memory; the teen years will add plenty of juicy blog content to share!
I don’t understand how moms with newborns have the time to blog. That would imply that their babies actually sleep at some point, and that those moms can actually put their babies down. I’m also impressed that moms of infants can form words and sentences that other people can comprehend; I’m pretty sure I only spoke gibberish for the entire first year of my son’s life. (But of course he was the best, sweetest, cutest, most lovable baby EVER!)
I didn’t blog while dealing with infant nightmares either. I’m with Tracy…women who do it? I have no idea how. I bow down to them.
I was a hot mess.
You did the right thing. No time should be spent blogging, it should be spent sleeping.
and that little baby? He looks just like daddy.
I did blog when mine was a newborn! Just propped that Boppy on my lap and typed while she “nursed”…
Oh why the quotes?
Because she NEVER let go of my nipple EVER…come to think of it not much has changed in eleven months, she’s asleep right now with my nipple in her mouth…
Rant over. Sorry. Need more sleep.
Yep, pretty much sums it up. Except my pictures were a little bit less blurry, but they featured more ceiling fans and piles of laundry.
Hahaha I don’t have kids yet, but I have to imagine that when/if I ever do, the first few… aw, who are we kidding, 20… the first 20 years will probably resemble this collection of posts. Actually I don’t have kids and my head is still just about as clear as those pictures.
Yes, do worry for the unborn babies.
I only hope that my (theoretical baby) will be as cute as little Sam!
Sam is just adorable in his 10-day-old photo. He had so much hair already. Whew! How cute is that?
And you wonder why Dad’s return to work so quickly. I did feel guilty when I came home and all my wife could say was, “I think I had a shower”. Then it was time for intervention. With the second one, I stayed home. After 5 years, still waiting on a relaxing shower!
Love your camera work!
Yeah, I was spending too much time clenching everything so that it WOULDN’T FALL APART and RUIN MY LIFE and AAAAAAHHHHH I HATE YOU ALL.
Wait.
Was that me?
I have not laughed so hard in so long! I began blogging when my second was born. And let’s just say there was a lot of weepy, confused posts.
Wendi, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.
I am crying right now I am laughing so hard. It is all so true. Love the part about lighting the diaper genie on fire to distract from your stomach. You are brilliant.
I think I need to retire…mine must all be flatline then.
Digital scrapbooks aren’t that great – I hope my kids never seen mine:)
Danny Devito head-sized boobs. Oy. If mine are like the head of Arnold Schwarzenegger, are we twins??
I think I just had a flashback to my kids’ baby years … damnit, now the PTSD is going to come back
Um, where’s the circumcision pictures? I know you’re Texan and all, but wasnt there some kind of snip snip shin dig?
Next? THE VLOG
I’ve never wanted to be a mother more in my whole life. Of course, all of my children will look like plastic ferns and sit obediently wherever I put them.
You know what I’d love for just a day? Boobs the size of Danny DeVito’s head. 🙂
I don’t have boobs, and was actually asked by my coworker when I was pregnant, “So, when are your boobs going to get bigger?”
Nice.
I’m a third child. When I asked my mother for my baby book, shortly before my first child was born, she just stared at me. “No.”
“Mom, c’mon, just give it to me.”
“I can’t.”
“Mom.”
“I’m ashamed.”
Yes, when I finally wrestled it from her hands I discovered that the only thing she’d written down was the name of the president who was in office when I was born (LBJ, if you care.)
Apparently, inability to document during the early childhood years is a proud maternal tradition. No apologies needed, as I soon discovered myself.
I also wish that when my kids were little I could’ve blogged. I could’ve had pics of the lego castles we built, or Robin Hood: Price of Theives that we watched so many times that my daughter decided to swing from her bunkbed to her dresser on her curtains…when I heard the crash….wasn’t her, was Maid Marian! Pics of when my kids were so tired but still didn’t want to sleep, so they lay in front of their bedroom door and I could only open the door 1/2″. so many memories I would’ve loved to capture on blog, but the teenage years…ahhhh, you have lots to blog about then. Even beyond the teenage years. (Sometimes it will make you act like you’ve just had kids when you’re staying up waiting for them and not getting sleep too.) Last thing….Never, Ever use the bathroom or take a shower when your kids aren’t home and you’re waiting for them to come home…..told me they’d be home around midnight, they’ve been pretty good about coming home when they say, so I decided to go stand under the hot water and warm my iced over bones for about 30 minutes and came back out to the computer to work on my blog and my book at the same time…midnight came, 1 a.m., 2 a.m., tried texting and calling the kids, nothing…looked outside, no truck of theirs sitting there…3 a.m. and I’m getting sleepy, hubby tells me to come to bed, but I can’t when I know the kids are 3 hours overdue…try texting and calling again, nothing. Around 4:45 a.m. I write a note and put it on their door, telling them that the next time they are so inconsiderate as to not call or come home on time, the door will be locked and so will the windows. As I’m slamming the tape on, I hear…”What’s going on?” I open the door, the kids are looking at me with squinty eyes now that I’ve blinded them with the light I had to turn on. Apparently, they had to park the truck at the beginning of the 1/2 mile to the house because it was so icy the truck wouldn’t make it, so they walked home. Ahh, the joys of parenthood!
Kitty was so cute, and I’m very much afraid her first year was something of a blur, except for the battle of wills with my mother at Kitty’s first birthday party. The details include devil’s food cake and a napkin. Kitty won, and Mom never forgave her — even 34 years later. Go Kitty!
I wish I had pictures. I really do . . .
Oh bless you for saying all the shit that was on my mind those early days. My problem is I started mine just before my oldest turned 14. There might be a lot of screaming and swearing. For both of us.
I remember those days all too well. Days when I would hold my newborn daughter who was screaming her head off and say, “Look, Daddy! Isn’t she cuuuuuuuuuuutteeeeeeee!!!!!” and the next minute was, “Just take her for ONE MINUTE dammit, ONE MINUTE, it’s all I ask, just let me get more than 20 feet away from her for ONE MINUTE! Oh, on second though, FIVE MINUTES!…!”
The few times I tried to leave her with him, I was always met at the door with, “What took you so long, she’s been screaming for hours! I put her in her crib!” Best thing he could have done, prolly, but with my weepy mommy nature I thought he was a monster.
The days when total strangers always said, “Enjoy these years, they go by all too fast!” and I wanted to clean their clock because for me they drrraaaaaaggggeeedddd by so slowly that I wanted to scream and open my shirt to show MY Double Devito heads in residence and scream, “LOOK AT ME!! I am a mutant from Total Recall with these two damn things sticking out of my chest! I haven’t had a decent nights sleep in months! I don’t know if I can find my way back home!”
But somehow, I managed to grit my teeth and say, “Oh, you are so right. I will!” I think it was training for when my 16-year-old would start saying things like, “After all, all you do is sit around all day while I am at school working hard…You don’t know what it’s like!” Ahem…Oh, you are so right…pass the bonbons.
When I have this third baby, I’m pretty sure this is exactly what my blog will look like.
Why is it that my husband got to sleep because he was “tired” and needed to “rest” while I did not get to sleep because I could “sleep when the baby slept”? Yes, 15 minutes at a time is very refreshing.
Oooh, looks like I just got a little bit of cranky on your blog.
You are the mutha of all mothers. I can’t believe how much exact detail you remember from 8 years ago.
All I can recall is puking on the operating room floor because of the anesthesia, sore nipples and pain when I laughed at anything for about three weeks due to the c-section. It’s never music to your soon-to-be-a-first-time-mother ears when the doctor says “some women just have big babies – you are gonna need a c-section rather than push those 10 pounds, 8.4 ounces out”.
I have no idea how I blogged with infant twins. Probably because I didn’t pay that much attention to them. But man, are they self sufficient now!
I need to get Zoe some pajamas like Sam’s.
DAMNIT, WENDI!
It took electro-shock therapy to get to the point that I could put the baby years behind me. You took all that well spent money and toseed it in one article. It takes five treatments just to get the spasms on the left side of my face to go away.
Okay, I did it at home with the car battery, but still. Can’t you put a warning label up or something?
Yes, I already know what a miserable waste of parenting I am for not being delighted with a newborn that slept 4 hours a day, in 20 minute increments and fed, pooped or howled the rest of the time. I can live with that.
Suck it up, Aarons. I had a litter (triplets).
LOL! Too funny!
So is lack of sleep and an overabundance of poop the reason why those featured on STFU post some of what they do on Facebook? 😉
I’m so envious that you have such gorgeous pics to put in your baby books.
Listen to Your Mother Austin. This is the perfect piece.
Loved this!
Ah, witch hazel. Good times. It is my personal opinion that mothers should not begin blogging until after the first three months. Although even when I started at ten months, my first posts were sooooo bitter and angry and sleep-deprived. And I was soooo over the cuteness.
Come to think of it, my posts are still fairly bitter.
Well done, Wendi. That photo of him sleeping is just precious.
Thank God Danny Devito is mostly bald or I would be going to bed with really horrible nightmares.
Hilarious. Makes me wonder why the new-mommy blogs I read aren’t quite that honest!
SO funny! Made me go back and see what I’d written in my baby blog. I had cheated and wrote about the early months during that sweet spot between 6 and 9 months when the twins were sleeping through the night, but had not yet acquired locomotion. Here’s an excerpt “By the time I got back to my room after my first NICU visit, I decided that Percoset was the far better pain management option, and I was terrified of having to get up out of bed the next time. The nurses told me that I was scheduled to have the catheter removed that morning. Because of all the excess fluid I’d been retaining over the previous months, I’d been filling the catheter bag every few hours. This meant that the volume of pee coming out of me was best measured in gallons. I figured with as long as it was taking me to gingerly maneuver myself into and out of bed and as much urine as I was passing, if they took the catheter out I’d never actually leave the bathroom”
This about sums up why my blog sucks the big one right now (read: for the last two years). Two kids under 3…what the crap was I thinking.
Be glad you didn’t blog…half of my posts just document how bad i suck lately…and will only function as material for my kids to show to their therapists someday.
I need a hug
i wish my boobs were the size of danny devitos head. mine were more like Star Jones and only slightly less self-absorbed.