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Rejected Names for Mattress Stores

by Wendi // September 13, 2010

Benny’s Bed Bugz

Pillow Tops 4 Muffin Tops

CSI: Mattressland

Mattresses By Mussolini

Cheap Used Queens

Apnea City

Sleeps With The Fishes

The Mattress Mambo

Burning Beds and Beyond

Sleepers Creepers

Dorm Room Direct

The Night Stalker

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Comments

  1. Marinka says:
    September 13, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    I’m not sure that I’ll be able to stop laughing about Burning Beds and Beyond! Also, my entire body itches now.

  2. Issa says:
    September 13, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    CSI: Mattressland..hehehehe. Oh I’m never sleeping again. But this was dam funny.

  3. still in therapy says:
    September 13, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    My mother? Would buy mattresses at garage sales when I was a kid. Some were better than others…I will be grossed out for awhile.

  4. the mama bird diaries says:
    September 13, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    Pillow Tops 4 Muffin Tops? How do you think of this stuff. Hilarious.

  5. A Mom on Spin says:
    September 13, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    How about “Sleeping Cooties”????

  6. Cindy S says:
    September 13, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    You are one crazy bee-yatch. I love you.

  7. Lisa Rae @smacksy says:
    September 13, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    Cheap Used Queens made my night.
    As usual.

  8. Jill says:
    September 13, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    I’m actually in the market for a mattress … and now I’m all wiggy. Hilarious.

  9. By Word of Mouth says:
    September 13, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    Was going to go to bed, but now think I may just stay here!

  10. Megan says:
    September 13, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    very clever – you’re hilarious!

  11. Sophie@Fabrications says:
    September 14, 2010 at 5:05 am

    I like Pillow Tops 4 Muffin Tops.
    Are you going into mattress retail now?

  12. Diane says:
    September 14, 2010 at 5:39 am

    You made my muffin tops jiggle with the belly laugh over those. Great way to start the day! Thanks!

  13. Cassie says:
    September 14, 2010 at 6:03 am

    Does “Cheap Used Queens” come with a Cher wig and 9 inch platforms?

  14. The Flying Chalupa says:
    September 14, 2010 at 9:40 am

    Sounds like you slept on some GREAT mattresses in NYC! Also, I swear I’ve seen stores by those names when I lived in Queens.

  15. Heather, Queen of Shake Shake says:
    September 14, 2010 at 9:57 am

    I’d actually shop some of those stores, if they existed. Not sure what that says about me.

  16. WA says:
    September 14, 2010 at 10:03 am

    Marinka tells me the red bites on my legs are “NYC Luv Bites.”

  17. Candy says:
    September 14, 2010 at 11:27 am

    Freddie Krueger-ville?

    But really, Cheap Used Queens is about the funniest thing I have ever seen.

  18. KLZ says:
    September 14, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Oh good, Lay Down Sally hasn’t been taken.

  19. ann's rants says:
    September 14, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Night Rider:

    Take the Hasselhoff out of mattress shopping!

    (GROANER FOUL)

  20. Patty says:
    September 14, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    Ah, The Night Stalker. Who could forget?

    How about Sleepin’ Smackdown?

  21. Julie says:
    September 14, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    MWF seeks pillow top 4 muffin top for occasional nights of slumber and select nights of frolic. Bed bugs need not apply.

  22. Cheryl says:
    September 14, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    L&O: LA’s Padded Cell

  23. Fragrant Liar says:
    September 14, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    I’d think about buying something from Cheap Used Queens, but probably a definite sale for Cheap Used Twins. As long as they’re both deeply padded with testosterone.

  24. Karen in San Diego says:
    September 14, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    A morning radio show here in San Diego (DSC) gets sponsorship from a mattress store, and they regularly tell listeners to trade in their old “triscuit top” and “splattertastic” beds for new ones. Ewwwwww! Enough to make you never want to sleep on a hotel bed again!

  25. Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him says:
    September 14, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    I’ve possibly seen half of these in Queens in the cheap mattress district. Along with Alladin’s Magic Matttres.

  26. Becky says:
    September 15, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    For the amount we paid for our new mattress and box spring set, I had to check the receipt twice to make sure it didn’t say “Slumberdog Millionaire Store”, “Sleep Ain’t Cheap Chateaux”, or “Benny’s Not-so-Bargain & Gently Pre-Owned Luxury Mattress Emporium”

  27. Pauline says:
    September 16, 2010 at 11:38 am

    “Cheap Used Queens”

    LOL!

  28. qtberryhead says:
    September 16, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    With names like that I’d at least go into the store…maybe not to buy.

  29. anymommy says:
    September 16, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    I’m a little frightened by your mind. Awesome.

  30. Tonya says:
    September 16, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    I’m pretty sure I slept on Sleepers Creepers all through undergrad. His name was Michael.

  31. Invader_Stu says:
    September 17, 2010 at 11:36 am

    How about:

    Death Beds
    Our beds are so good that you’ll never wake up

  32. Kate Coveny Hood says:
    September 18, 2010 at 10:39 am

    I think Cheap Used Queens was my favorite.

  33. sandra says:
    September 21, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Cheap Used Queens. Hmmmm…in LA that could mean so many things!!! Love these.

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