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Yoga Poses I Inadvertently Invented During Today’s Class

by Wendi // September 8, 2009

The Wounded Fish

The Somewhat But Not Really I Mean Who Are Kidding Here? Downward Facing Dog

The At Times Unstable Warrior II

The Quivering Hamstring

The Extended Eye Roll

The Nose Whistler

The Forward Facing Wobby Meth Chimp

The Half-Drooling Pigeon

The Sinus Headache Salutation

The Snoring Jackass

_________________________



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Comments

  1. Judy Larsen says:
    September 8, 2009 at 6:36 am

    I’ve gotten really good at the swearing-like-a-sailor-stretch.

  2. SArah Lindahl says:
    September 8, 2009 at 7:05 am

    I like the quivering hamstring. I’m really good at that. The next day it turns into the son-of-a-bitch-I’m-sore!

  3. Sarah M says:
    September 8, 2009 at 7:20 am

    What about the OMG-one-more-lunge-and-I-am eating-mat move??
    Having newly discovered Yoga on the Wii Fit…I am SO THERE. I have decided mother nature did NOT design my body for this. About the only thing I can do without pain is the breathing ha ha.

  4. georgie says:
    September 8, 2009 at 7:31 am

    The extended eye roll…oh my oldest child has this perfected and she isnt even in a yoga class…

  5. DG at Diaryofamadbathroom says:
    September 8, 2009 at 7:34 am

    Kudos to you for even trying. I have just recently perfected the “See how far your ass can spread, couch squat”. I’m actually brilliant at it.

  6. Akilah Sakai says:
    September 8, 2009 at 8:15 am

    The Forward Facing Wobby Meth Chimp is one I think you should post a photo of.

    I’ve perfected the Bunny Hopping Into Jeans I Have No Business Terrorizing.

  7. Lisa Rae @ smacksy says:
    September 8, 2009 at 8:28 am

    Fine moves, all.
    I am working on The That Smell Did Not Come Out of Me Shoulder Shrug.

  8. Mwa says:
    September 8, 2009 at 9:10 am

    The Extended Eye Roll I excell at.

    Also the Sitting Like a Sack of Potatoes Because My Hip Just Dislocated.

  9. Hannah says:
    September 8, 2009 at 9:56 am

    “The Quivering Hamstring”
    LOL-I did this one last night after waiting WAY too long to start doing yoga again!

    I also did the “Are you freakin’ kidding me? Nuts to that! I’m going to sit on my ass and watch you turn yourself into a pretzel” pose.

  10. Fairly Odd Mother says:
    September 8, 2009 at 10:29 am

    At least you didn’t do the Farting Child Post. That one is totally embarrassing.

  11. Fairly Odd Mother says:
    September 8, 2009 at 10:29 am

    Wait! What’s more embarrassing is when you go to write Farting Child Pose and spell Post instead.

  12. lancelonie says:
    September 8, 2009 at 10:45 am

    My friend asked me to go with her to yoga a lot of times. She did tell me about that “leaving a cloud” moment. I find it funny and thought it’s not really happening. But it does, they say.

    I’m curious about “the snoring jackass”… 🙂

  13. Domestic Goddess (in training) says:
    September 8, 2009 at 12:47 pm

    I am a big fan of the “Butt cheek clenching, gas squencher” for all of those yoga classes after a heaping bowl of Fiber One.

  14. Candy says:
    September 8, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    But can you do Warrior 14 1/2? That’s the one where the warrior’s arms are so tired they sag down to her knees, and she isn’t allowed to be seen anywhere near the front lines. I’ve got that one DOWN.

  15. Red says:
    September 8, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    Yoga makes me feel incompetent.

  16. Marinka says:
    September 8, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    I am like the Madonna of the Extended Eye Roll. I am also awesome at the Drowning I May Have Pulled Something Dog and You’ll Be Hearing From My Lawyer Hamstring.

  17. Beth says:
    September 8, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    I got a visual with the Wounded Fish that may help me stay out of the freezer tonight.

  18. madmad says:
    September 8, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    I’m only good at that eye roll one…

  19. Jill says:
    September 8, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    I have mastered the Unstable Warrior. I can be your mentor if you want to move beyond the At Times Unstable Warrior to full blown All The Time Unstable.

  20. jessica says:
    September 8, 2009 at 7:21 pm

    Frowning and cursing under my breath pose is my favorite

  21. Andrea says:
    September 8, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    I really excel at the “Watching my mother do yoga with Rodney Yee and laugh my ass off while adding sound effects” pose really well. I think my dog has also conquered the “Since you are laying on the floor near my eye level, why don’t I lick your face and fart as I pass you by” pose.

  22. Andrea says:
    September 8, 2009 at 9:21 pm

    Oh and I did try yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.

  23. MommaB says:
    September 9, 2009 at 6:36 am

    This is good stuff! I do yoga too, so I immediately identify with all of YOUR positions! I pulled my hamstring nearly 7 months ago and it still flares up from time to time, so the quivering hamstring really rings true!

  24. Jen says:
    September 9, 2009 at 6:38 am

    I have done all of those and have since stopped going to yoga. I always end up straining something.

  25. bwt says:
    September 9, 2009 at 9:37 am

    Love Aunt Flo! Something is in the air… just saw this today too:
    http://periodfairy.com/

  26. MommyGeekology says:
    September 9, 2009 at 10:22 am

    Um, where are the pictures?

    My favorite is The Forward Facing Wobby Meth Chimp…. lol

  27. Emily Ward says:
    September 9, 2009 at 11:03 am

    I personally have perfected the “I AM breathing” middle finger extension.

  28. the mama bird diaries says:
    September 9, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    Oh I’ve been doing the The Forward Facing Wobby Meth Chimp for years. I just didn’t know what it was called.

  29. Shauna says:
    September 10, 2009 at 4:39 am

    I believe I have been in every one of these positions before, but have fully mastered the Extended Eye Roll. NO I CAN NOT PUT MY FEET OVER MY HEAD. Are you trying to kill me Yoga Teacher? Or are you just showing off?

  30. Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings says:
    September 10, 2009 at 11:45 am

    My move would be: “Fat Girls Shouldn’t Do Yoga. Period.” Move. 🙂

  31. gray matter matters says:
    September 10, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    Why do you think they end every yoga class with The Corpse Pose…and I wish I could say I was kidding!

  32. ann says:
    September 10, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    Wobby meth chimp, my favorite.

  33. ms picket to you says:
    September 10, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    Long Lean From Fart

  34. Zoe Right says:
    September 10, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    I like to do the F**k me, Fat people shouldn’t do Yoga.

  35. Citizen Stu says:
    September 12, 2009 at 9:56 am

    I’m good at the holding-the-stubbed-toe-hop

  36. Elizabeth says:
    September 13, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    That’s pretty much me–the only pose I can halfway do on a good, no great, day is child’s pose. Oh, and shavasana–I can sleep!

  37. Elizabutt says:
    September 13, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    I’m pretty keen on Tree Being Actively Lost To Deforestation pose.

    My teacher uses alot of Sanskrit, which can sound suspiciously accurate like “Ardha Uttanasana” which definitely has something to do with being grossed out by big butts sticking out all over the room.

  38. Amy says:
    September 15, 2009 at 12:53 pm

    On my yoga DVDs, Aunt Flo and all of the poses aren’t supposed to mix. Aunt Flo is good for so many things- getting out of PE (if that’s an issue), telling hubby to forget it, and putting off yoga for another day. Doing yoga while menstruating can cause the uterus to fall out, you know.

  39. Angelica says:
    September 16, 2009 at 2:52 am

    Giggled the entire time. I think that my roommates and I are going to try a few of those poses.

  40. DM says:
    September 18, 2009 at 1:26 am

    Well, I am not going to be trying yoga any time soon. I think I would be doing the “Oh my God, I cannot breathe, just go on without me” pose.

  41. Lottie Lou says:
    September 18, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    My coworker and I want to open a drunken yoga bar.

  42. Chelsea says:
    October 15, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    OK, I just had to leave the room because Brett (who is currently on a conference call with someone in China… go figure) is shooting me dirty looks. Apparently is is hard to hear his half-way-around-the-world coworker with a wicked accent over my chortles and guffaws.

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