I don’t know why, but for the past few months, my husband Chris and I have taken great delight in calling our two boys by different names. Fortunately, the kids don’t seem to mind that we’re doing this. But maybe that’s just because we do it behind their backs.
“Where’d Tango and Cash go?” Chris will ask.
“Who? You mean Lenny and Squiggy? I think they’re at the neighbors,” I’ll answer.
“Well, can you let Dolce and Gabbana know that it’s time for dinner?” he’ll say.
“Sure!” I’ll yell as I’m heading out the door. “But remember, Jake and Elwood hate broccoli!”
After a few days of this rather moronic game, it quickly turned into an unspoken challenge between us where we tried to never use the same names twice.
“You already used Cheech and Chong yesterday,” Chris would say. “At the pool, remember?”
“Well, so what? You said Butch and Sundance about ten times at the park,” I’d say back. “Not to mention Statler and Waldorf five times at the post office. I mean, come on.”
“Fine,” he’d retort. “But at least I never tried using Bangers and Mash. What the hell? That doesn’t even make sense unless you’re in Europe.”
One week, we decided to up the ante and go exclusively with musical pairings.
“Are Hall and Oates asleep yet?” I’d wonder.
“Well, I just looked in on Simon and he’s asleep,” Chris would respond. “But Garfunkel’s having some issues with his sippy cup and I think he might pee in his pajamas later.”
Another week, we tried historical figures. Unfortunately, after the obvious “Lewis and Clark” and “Orville and Wilbur,” we realized our public school educations were failing us, so we had to switch to TV cops.
“Are Starsky and Hutch doing their homework?” I’d ask Chris.
“Yes, although Crockett’s having a little trouble with his math,” he’d answer. “And Tubbs is still going potty. He said he had a lot of apple juice in kindergarten this morning.”
But now it looks like our game has finally come to a merciful end. Not only have we run out of new things to call the boys, evidenced last week by my attempt to use “Cut and Paste” and “Smith and Wesson,” but lately we’ve been getting a little confused about our children’s real names.
“Hey,where’d Sam and Jack go?” Chris asked last night after dinner.
“Who?” I responded. “Sam and Jack…Sam and Jack…oh, wait! Are those the guys from that Scorcese movie? Because I think you used that last week.”
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If by some stretch of the imagination, that post left you wanting even more of my brilliance, I’m also found in two other places today. First, I’m handing out specious advice at The Mouthy Housewives. (Also, if you have a big problem, little problem, or sort of creepy problem, we’d love to hear about it. Especially if it involves your ongoing David Beckham fantasies. Send it to: ask@mouthyhousewives.com.)
And second, I’m recapping the wonderful, horrible Project Runway over at Reality Roadkill. It’s funny even if you don’t watch the show. Well, sort of. To me, anyway.
So go ahead. Click already. No big whoop.
All in good fun! At least you two know how to have a good time … at the expense of the kids. Ha! 😉
I call my little ones all kinds of silly names. Usually it’s nutcase or ulcer-maker, but I have concrete evidence that my kid’s are completely bonkers.
If you ask me, you are such good parents to refer to them using two individual names when one noun or pronoun will do. Also, none of your names need to be bleeped out. That is classy parenting right there. I feel inspired.
I love this.
Wynona and Naomi are playing as harmoniously as two little boys can right now.
Now I’m going to do this in my head all day.
xo
I only have one kid so far. When she and our Beagle get together, however, I refer to them as Thing 1 & Thing 2.
This is totally hilarious. Almost makes me want another kid. Almost, but not quite.
We briefly owned five baby kittens some years ago, and we named them Merrill, Lynch, Pierce, Fenner and Smith. Fine until the merger.
I love this.
And at our place, I’m pretty sure Bob believes his nickname is “Mama-Is-Begging-You.”
I want to know which kid is Garfunkel. And what he did to you to deserve that.
LOVE this game. Cracks me up about the historical figures. Makes we want to try this but with three kids, I’d be doomed.
Hysterical – all three posts. I want to start playing this game at my house now!
That sounds like a ton of fun! Your husband is way cool to play that game with you. Two rounds of that and my husband would be chasing me around the house with a shovel. That’s mostly because I would pwn him at it.
I do this too! Glad to know I’m not alone.
At least your 12 yr old isn’t calling you Ma Barker…apparently mine is all about the bank robbers from the 20’s and 30’s (THANKS JOHNNY DEPP, no seriously – thank you!) and has now started calling her brothers the Barker Boys…
You left out Simon and Schuster, on their more bookish days, Penn and Teller for the day that your grandmother’s vase “magically” got smashed into a million pieces, and Bo and Luke Hazzard for reasons too obvious to state here.
You, Peaches, and your husband, Herb, totally shake your groove thing.
I would have called them these names…
Briggs and Straton
Bartles and James
Bert and Ernie
Lucy and Ethel
Bo and Luke
THelma and Louise
Mork and Mindy
Bob and Tom
I could go on and on…..
That’s a very good game. I’m bad enough at remembering names, though – better not try it myself.
We do that too. Usually it’s Click and Clack, Dumb and Dumber, or on a really bad day, Numb and Nutz.
You can totally use Bangers and Mash. I gotcher back on that one.
Nice way to keep the parenting interesting. I especially like the tv cop show duos. Off to check you out on the other sites.
This would be difficult to do at my house since I have three kids. The first group that comes to mind would be the three is company crew…but I have two boys and a girl. That said, George is TOTALLY at Janet…
I’m impressed, but I don’t think I could play. There are days when I have enough trouble remembering the names my kids have already got. Then there are the days when “Sullen Boy” and “Whiny Girl” are all the monikers I really need.
I feel compelled to help the game go on. Comedy teams?
Rowan and Martin
Abbott and Costello
Martin and Lewis
George and Gracie
Awww…that is so sweet.
So I wonder if this is what my mom was trying to do when she would often call me by my brother’s name. Or the cat’s name…or one of her sister’s names. I mean seriously…she only had two children. What was her problem? I never do that.
Anyhow, Marge…er…Sam…er…Bobbi–darn it! Wendi, for the hilarious post!
I tend to refer to all three of the kids as “monkey butt.” It’s nice because it’s not gender specific and they’ve been hearing it for so long that it no longer seems odd to them. But I’m sure it seems odd to all the other people listening.
I just feel bad for my brother. He spent his entire childhood listening to my mom call him by her brother’s name. “I’m not Tom! I’m Ben!” And now he’s all grown up and lives with his fiancee, who presumably calls him by the right name. But almost every time I talk to him, I call him by my oldest son’s name. Maybe I ought to start calling everyone by random TV cops’ names. Then no one will know when I’ve simply forgotten who they are!
Bangers and Mash – heh.
oh, we should totally do the name game. Then I’ll get to use all those baby names I have left in my list. I’m skipping the historical character thing altogether though, and replacing it with pop starlets 🙂
Oh, you guys are too funny – and creative – for me. Half the time I call my kid by the dog’s name… or the other kids name… of their dad’s name… and then just end up with – “Whatever the heck your name is, go wash your hands for dinner.”
That is hilarious. Now I kinda want to play that game with my husband but he is a computer nerd and I am pretty sure all I am going to from him is Mac and PC.
I’m offering up the following for the next round:
Simon and Simon
Laurel and Hardy
Martin and Lewis (frack! someone beat me to the punch on that one)
Tom and Jerry
I just call my boys “offspring.” It gets right down to the basic meaning and they know that I’m talking to one or both of them. They also understand that I’m not entirely sane and prefer it that way.
Of course, we have twins. So it’s been:
Ike & Mike
Hither & Yon
Punch & Judy
Spock & Kirk
Personally – I love Statler & Waldorf
Thanks for a great laugh!
I love it! It would be really hard fro us to play, we have 5 kids and I don’t want to have to think that hard.
When I have kids, I can already imagine giving them multiple sets of nicknames. Nicknames that I give just in case I can’t remember what I originally named them. Names from their god mother who has a memory rivaled by a walnut. Vietnamese nicknames so their grandmother doesn’t butcher up their real names.
I have a hard time with my kids names too. I get them mixed up all the time. The bad thing being, one of them is named Daniel. So if I mix it up it comes out sounding like “Dan..spence…” My kids get a bit offended when I say damn before their name.
This applies to animals as well. We have horses and none of them is ever addressed by his or her actual name. We had Banner, who was known as the Little Brown Pony, Wild Beast, Squishy, Animal, and many others too numerous to mention (or even remember). We also have Skip’s Pacific Dancer (we call him Red-Pants), Mellow Miller (we call this one the Big Horse–aren’t we original?),and Ms MJ (also known as Moonboots).
Collectively they are all called Ponies, so if push comes to shove and I can’t remember which horse I’m referring to, I just say Pony and everyone is happy. This Old Timer’s disease is just debilitating…
UM?
Snap, Crackle and Pop?
I pretty sure we should change the birth certificates.
If my ovaries haven’t shriveled up and died before I decide to have children, I will most certainly play this game.
Currently, Bonnie and Clyde are watching TV. I’m gonna drive Husband crazy with this one;)
And you thought there was nothing fresh and exciting after you’ve been married a long time. There you go.
In honor of Labor Day weekend:
gin & tonic
scotch & soda
rum & coke
My husband and I also love to call our kids by other names; we have three: frick, frack and the other guy.
Iam literally, in love with your life.
Kiss
Startsky
Brooks and Dunn?
hey wendi, just so you know, Whisper has done it again:
http://www.facebook.com/happyitshere
two years on and your letter is still relevant. those buggers just do not learn.
I just call my boys “children of the corn.” They just thought I was weird until my older son found out it was a horror movie. Now he’s offended and says I’m giving him a complex. Hey, if the shoe fits…
We have B/G twins so we do this all the time.
Fred & Wilma, Lucy & Ricky, PB & J the list goes on and on.
So funny! We do this with people we know . . . . a couple that we’re friends with are the Ronald McDonald and the Hamburgler . . . fun!