How to Feel Better and Lose Your Will to Live

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33 comments on this post.
  1. Sherry Carr-Smith:

    Between websites with medical advice and all the shows on TLC and Discovery, there are many and varied ways to completely freak yourself out. I’m glad you came out on the other side. And didn’t die from malaria.

  2. Susan in the Boonies:

    Been googling, have we?

  3. Tonya:

    You’d think after the 4th time in the pokey for poisoning my neighbor’s annoying dog, ramming my car through the local councilman’s office, and showing up to my mommy and me group with a fifth of Jack and telling them where they can all stick it, I’d learn that Web MD is probably not correct in their diagnosis of my symptoms as Sleeping Sickness.

  4. Catherine:

    I went to WebMD last week and entered my symptoms. They were headache and smashing headache. The internets told me I was dying. And then it told me I had a headache.

    Never again internets. Never again.

  5. Cheryl:

    Is there room for me on your pity pot (where it never ever rains) for me? The internet just told me that medication I’m taking to ensure good bone growth has actually given me a brain tumor.

  6. Alexandra:

    Giggling so HARD in the dark quiet here.

    It’s 11:30 and everyone is sleeping BUT oh sweet lord how I love this:

    “So call your mother-in-law and finally tell her that she has the looks and personality of a young Ike Turner.”

    Teeheehee, Thank you, Wendi Aarons.

  7. the mama bird diaries:

    How do you know what my mother-in-law looks like? It’s like you’re psychic.

  8. Nicole:

    WebMD diagnosed rabies…seems a logical conclusion. Thank you Wendi, most excellent post.

  9. Ri:

    In Africa we have sangomas (witch doctors). They can cure anything from HIV/AIDS to broken relationships.

    Want that old flame back, even though it’s been 30 years? Dr [insert name here] uses mirror under water to find him and make him come back to you, leaving behind his loving wife and children!

    Dr [insert name here] will also lengthen & strengthen your male parts and make your female parts tight like it was never pricked!

    Best of all is there’s one on every street corner!

    (And they all seem to use the same guy to print their pamphlets, so no matter what the good doctor’s name, the colours, typography, typeset and list of miracles will always be the same, although pictures may vary )

  10. Ri:


  11. Becky Rice:

    Hmmm….feeding my family to feral pigs. Can I pick which family members?

  12. Invader_Stu:

    I made the mistake of doing the same when I was not feeling so well a while back. According to what I found I should be dead and/or blind now. I just checked my pulse and everything seems to be fine so far.

  13. Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes:

    According to WebMD my husband is pregnant

  14. The Mommy Therapy:

    I am so relieved to finally understand what that co-pay is for! This completely alleviates any resentment I feel about forking it over. As always Wendi, your insight is life changing.

  15. Tara:

    Could I get Juraj’s contact info?

  16. Becky (Princess Mikkimoto):

    You missed a step: Ask Twitter. Twitter knows best. Because of Twitter I once thought I had a thyroid problem and ask my doctor to test me because I really had a thyroid problem.
    I didn’t.

  17. annie:

    oh boy! this is stellar advice. And if you ARE diagnosed with something scary by a real doctor, don’t google treatments for it!! You’ll likely find the best treatment is leaching…or suicide.

  18. Tammy:

    Love it. Web MD is the best! Pregnancy, too bad he’s a male…coronary artery disease, yep, just the flu… shortness of breath caused by heart attack, nope just coming up 150 yards the back side of the mountain and your lungs on fire because you don’t excercize that excessively like you should….like I said, Web MC is the best!

  19. Nancy Davis Kho:

    Was there a live feed from last week’s PTA meeting? I’d like to see the replay.

  20. Angie Uncovered:

    My ex (still friends) called me over the weekend to google some antibiotics he’d been given. I said, you should know you probably have an STD. This for for treating syphilis, chlamydia, and a range of other STDs. Is there something you wanted to tell me?” (As I googled STD symptoms and incubation times)

    He said, “Oh no, they just brought me a box full of bottles of it for my men.”

  21. Amy:

    Web MD is always good for a laugh and I recommend it for friends. My sore throat was most definitely the Black Plague as you’ve seen in all of the papers, right? And that non-itchy rash that my son has must be toxic shock syndrom because of his excessive use of tampons. I don’t know how many times it has alerted me to call an ambulance because, in reality, I had pulled a muscle or something. And my doctor enjoyed it when I told her that I had saved her the diagnostic process, that I had Black Plague, and simply needed to be treated. Apparently, for those of you wondering, since it was a bacterial sort of plague, 10 days of augmentin took care of it. Who knew?!

  22. dusty earth mother:

    Totally forwarding this to my friend who always checks her symptoms on the Internet. And who is a PSYCHOTIC animal 99% of the time. Hmmmm, connection?

  23. Sophie:

    Oh my gawd, I’m dying.

  24. sandra:

    Who needs health insurance when one has the internet AND Wendi!!

  25. The Flying Chalupa:

    I’ve been worried about my swollen Chumbawumbas for a long time. This post has NOT helped.
    Thanks, Wendi.

  26. Ann:

    Sage advice as always.

  27. domesticait:

    a few weeks ago I googled my shakiness, nausea, headaches and found out, SURPRISE. PREGNANT.

    i was convinced. my fiance was not. i begged him to go to the dollar store (only business in town) to buy a pregnancy test because WHAT WOULD THE TOWN THINK OF ME IF I BOUGHT ONE and told him I HAD GOOGLED IT.

    turns out it was just a strong cup of coffee.

  28. Wendy:

    I told my EX mother-in-law that she resembled a young Ike Turner WWAAAYYYYY before the internet told me I was dying.

    Now that I know I’ll be ok, I can skip step 5 and don’t have to make ammends with her. WOO HOO!

  29. What We’re Reading This Week: September 21st — It Builds Character:

    [...] Showing Of Crazy, Stupid Love: I Am SorryMoms Who Drink and Swear: More And Less Of MeWendi Aarons: How To Feel Better And Lose Your Will To LiveAnd Then Kate: I’m Thinking There’s Got To Be Some Kind Of Taxi Service For This Sort of [...]

  30. Kristen:

    Cannot. Stop. Laughing. Or crying, now that I’ve looked up “sensitive chichen itzas.” I’m a goner.

  31. Sue:

    According to WebMD I’ve been dead for 2 weeks.

  32. Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him:

    I have nothing to respond with that could match the hilarity of this one. I am so pissed I’m late to the party with this. I’m going to tweet it anyway.

  33. Kate:

    Honestly, if we get right down to it, it’s the Devil Danglers who should get the blame. A few hundred years ago, it was all CONQUERING and DISEASE SPREADING and HEY-HO, INDIGENOUS PEOPLES! I mean, I’m not _positive_ I can blame men for mosquito bites, but I’m willing to go out on a limb and try.

    (There. I just gave WebMD its next home-page slideshow topic. Really, I should not be giving this stuff up for free.)

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