1. It insists upon watching Judge Judy every afternoon at 4 p.m.
2. It writes angry letters to the government, but forgets to attach a stamp.
3. It yells, “Is this wacka wacka wacka Pit Bull noise what they’re calling music now? BARF” at the car radio.
4. It can’t remember why it walked into the room, but tries to pretend it remembers why it walked into the room so nobody whispers about it and makes it retake that bullshit driver’s test again.
5. It says things like, “Culottes are back? I hated those fat moron pants the first time around.”
6. It doesn’t understand a single thing on the cover of US Weekly magazine, and wonders if “Kimye” is something it ate last night at it’s early bird dinner.
7. It leaves pamphlets about Botox around the house, but swears it doesn’t know how they got there and no, it’s not trying to tell you something, jeez louise, so defensive, but—wouldn’t it be nice to not have long haul truck eye bags for once?
8. It sits in the driveway listening to a fascinating NPR story about the craft of Irish doghouses.
9. It starts wearing a plaid news boy cap and those sunglasses that go over its regular glasses, which are not to be confused with it’s other sunglasses that are on the top of it’s head, or it’s other other glasses that hang around it’s neck for reading because jesus, the type on menus is so damn small these days and you know what? It’s totally going to write a letter about that.
10. It pretends it can’t hear what you just said about it, but surprise! It’s hearing is excellent and maybe you’re the wanker who had too many white wine spritzers after mall walking this morning. Jerk.
My hair has developed a preference for random naps, comfortable sandals, and using a coupon at the Sizzler.
My husband’s hair, on the other hand, is contemplating a sports car.
My hair just doesn’t do anything I tell it to, so I can’t tell if it’s elderly or a toddler.
Your hair is not aging you, it is laying at wait. Be careful, be very careful.
Ha! My hair is the only thing keeping me young. I put it up in a really tight ponytail. It’s a facelift for the financially challenged.
My hair has become so dang crabby it won’t even say hello to Roger, the cashier at PigglyWiggly who spent 10 years working with Mother Theresa.
(Hilarious, Wendi, absolutely hilarious)
Mine spends a lot of time in the bathroom waiting for the miracle to happen.
why do you think I keep cutting mine? It’s the only way it will SHUT UP 😉
LOL
I loved this.
My hair is pretending not to sneak glances out the kitchen window at the shirtless college boy running sprints up and down the street. God he looks young. Sigh.
A young guy on the arm of your hair can make it feel twenty years younger- Just sayin’.
Ha! I adore this post! I admit keeping the “boy toy” around, that’s a good five years my junior, he’s definitely kept my hair bouncy…and always brings the wine too! #fanofJBFhair
Haha, so funny! I love the Judge Judy one, too. This definitely shed some light on my otherwise boring day. Awesome post!