This post is sponsored by the Austin Opera.
When you hear the word “opera,” what image pops into your head? A working girl who probably did super gross things for money on Hollywood Blvd, but we forgive her because La Traviata makes her cry?
A bunny in drag flirting with a bald man who has a speech impediment and loves his swohd and magwick hwelmet?
Well, for the next few days, I want you to think of me when you think of opera. Not because the director of the Austin Opera has finally decided to cast a woman whose singing voice sounds like Bob Dylan mixed with strep throat and a raging Darvocet addiction, but because they’re letting me take over their Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts to help promote their new production of Romeo and Juliet! (I know, I don’t get it, either. Maybe they don’t know about the whole Manilow thing, so just keep that whole steaming mess on the DL, okay?)
At any rate, I would love it if you’d follow me on their social channels this week as I discover more about the Austin Opera. I’ve already learned quite a few surprising things, like:
Not everybody who goes to the opera is 90 years old. In fact, you see people of all ages in the audience. Sad news if you have Anna Nicole Smith ambitions, but good news if women who look like the Dowager Countess make you pee in your pants a little. (Guilty.)
The Austin Opera is a great opportunity to experience one of the oldest and most beloved forms of live music. At an opera, you really gain a sense of performance, musical and composition history. Not like at a Pit Bull show where you really gain of sense of underage drinking, pot smoke and the medical complications that arise when people hump arena staircases.
The Austin Opera has amazing people watching. Rumor has it that there are even a few opera “superfans” who wear special costumes to the shows. Obviously it is now my mission to find those people and make them do a Charlie’s Angels pose with me.
The Austin Opera Babysits! For $20, opera-loving parents can enjoy the Austin Opera’s Sunday matinee performances while their children enjoy an afternoon of music, games, arts and fun led by Armstrong Community Music School teachers. (FYI: I’ll let you all know how they react when I leave a Moses basket full of my dog and two cats on their doorstep.)
There Are Subtitles During the Show. Good news for those of us who don’t speak French or Italian! Well, I actually did study four years of French, but then I forgot it all when I started drinking wine coolers and my language brain cells were killed off. Mange la merde, Bartles et Jaymes.
DRINKS DRINKS DRINKS OK, get this: At the opera, YOU CAN PRE-ORDER DRINKS FOR INTERMISSION. Sorry, didn’t mean to yell, but OMG. If you order a first round of drinks prior to curtain, they’ll ask if you’d like to place an order for intermission drinks. Then your drinks will be waiting for you during intermission next to a name tag and—IN AN ADULT WINE-SIPPY CUP. Sorry, didn’t mean to yell again, but it’s like drunk preschool! Throw in a few sticks of string cheese and some finger paints and I’m buying season tickets, jack.
A Blonde Weirdo Will Be Live Tweeting Saturday’s Show Yeah, guess which blonde weirdo. Rhymes with “Blendi.” Now, I’d like to tell you that my three hours of tweets on 1/24 will be sophisticated observations like, “Can you believe that amazing aria?” but I think we all know that after a few sippy cups of wine, they’ll be more like, “TAKE OFF DA TIGHTS, ROMEHODO!!!! Kthnxbai!” So, don’t miss that.
Join Me! If you’re looking for a new thing to do for fun, try the Austin Opera. Grab some friends, neighbors or anyone who looks like they have wine money to spare. Honestly, any notions you have of the opera being intimidating or stuffy should be put to rest by the fact that I’m now involved. So try it! Shows of Romeo & Juliet will be Saturday, January 24th at 7:30 pm, Thursday, January 29th at 7:30 pm and Sunday, February 1st at 3:00 pm. I’ll also be giving away a few tickets via social media, so look out for that. Hope to see you there!