Everyone knows that mornings can be tough for women. After all, we females have to deal with kids, pets, and husbands. With wardrobes, exercise and coffee. With cellphones and newspapers. And all of that while owning ovaries. Honestly, it’s a wonder most of us don’t just crawl under the covers with a bottle of Benadryl and go back to sleep for a few hours! This modern world is no joke!
That’s why I was so fascinated by an article called “The Morning Routines of 12 Women Leaders”. In it, 12 “extraordinary” women detail how they start each day. And, after reading a few gems like these (in no particular order), it’s apparent why they’re so successful and I am not. I don’t even know who the hell designed my sweatpants!
“4:45 Wake up and have a bowl of quinoa cereal. I do an hour or so of 3rd or 4th series ashtanga yoga.”
“6am My little ladies wake up and I make their breakfast—green milk (almond milk with coconut water, banana and steamed baby spinach) and either whole wheat French toast or pancakes”
“7:05 I apply sunscreen to my daughter, Phoebe and send her on her way.”
“6:45 Peruse hard copy of newspapers (WSJ, NYT, FT, NY Post)”
“6:43 Alarm goes off. No snooze. Pull on John Eshaya sweatpants and clogs.”
“8am Drive to office to begin my work day. Second call in car. Make my organic earl grey tea with almond milk.”
“6:50 Make coffee (fair trade); microwave Zen Bakery muffin (vegan) First breakfast.”
So very impressive and inspiring to we ordinary schlub women who don’t own hard copies of newspapers and who have no idea how to milk an almond. In fact, this article even propelled me to stop drinking my GMO-laden convenience store iced tea, put down my (unfair trade) Jimmy Dean sausage wrapped in a pancake, and ask a few of my loser friends what their morning routines are like. My hope is that maybe with this list, we’ll realize what we’re doing wrong in life and maybe, just maybe, we’ll starting eating (vegan) muffins, too.
6:40am Wake up, alone, in my eight-year-old son’s bed after moving from my bed at 3:15am due to overcrowding from husband, boy, and dog. Massage creases left in face by Star Wars themed pillow sham.
6:45am Let dog out.
6:50am Endure the longest 33 seconds in the world, waiting for the Keurig to fill up my personalized Legoland mug.
6:50am Let dog in.
6:55am Drink coffee. Check TMZ, Gawker, and Facebook on iPhone for important overnight world news while in line for my turn in our home’s only bathroom.
7:15am Park son in front of SpongeBob Squarepants with breakfast son has made himself of canned peaches and cocktail onions.
7:20am Let dog out.
7:25am Run through backyard in pajamas, picking up a week’s worth of dog poo with a Von’s bag before arrival of gardener.
7:40am Let dog in.
7:55am Pull into school drop off, just after last bell, avoiding eye contact with other parents while hiding behind cataract-surgery-sized sunglasses.
8:15am Return to bed.
8:20am Let dog out.
I have 5 kids. Stop asking me dumb questions, Wendi.
5:00am Awaken to my toddler-alarm set to the marimba-screaming tone. Take a meditative moment of bad dream re-enactment with the Kindergartener. Enjoy a 30-minute marathon of feeding and dressing two lifeless mannequins before tossing them from a moving vehicle in front of buildings labeled “school.” Carpe diem!
6:37 Yell at husband to turn his alarm off. Him: That’s yours again.
7:10 Braid oldest’s hair.
7:30 Pretend it’s Easter and instead of eggs, we search for socks and shoes.