This post and sweepstakes are sponsored by Capital One.
I hate wrapping presents. Hate it. Maybe because every year at Christmas, I wind up in an Insane Wrapping Marathon (IWM). Which is sort of like an Insane Clown Posse, but with more Scotch tape and homicidal thoughts and not as much red lipstick.
The reason for this IWM is that we always fly to my parents’ house for the holidays, so I have to ship the family’s presents there in advance. Then once we land, I spend hours in a bedroom with the door shut, frantically wrapping at least 2,000 packages as fast as I can while watching Tori Spelling discover the true meaning of Christmas on The Hallmark Channel. (Spoiler: The “true meaning” usually involves lightly falling snow, a toddler who lisps and Tori’s cleavage.)
Every year it’s the same—I usually get really tired by about package #1,400 and start taking short cuts where I do things like only wrap 3/4 of the package. Here’s one from last year:
FYI: That’s either a possum or a hitchhiker we picked up outside of the Nevada State Prison. I can’t remember, but it kept squirming.
This bad wrapping of mine is nothing new because it’s always been horrible. In fact, years ago when I worked at Macy’s, they put me in the Gift Wrap department because they desperately needed help. Two hours later, after numerous customer complaints, full refunds and a few packages covered in my blood stains because the supervisor wouldn’t give me safety scissors, they relocated me to the stockroom. Which meant that Larry The Weird Stockboy Who Spoke In A Scottish Accent But Was Born In Reno got to take my place and wow everyone with his ribbon curling expertise. What can I say—I’m better at unwrapping than wrapping.
Anyway, that’s why I’m really happy to be teaming up with Capital One’s Quicksilver Wrapping Truck this week in Austin, Texas. Capital One Quicksilver is offering free, unlimited holiday gift wrap to Austin residents, no matter the size of your gifts, no matter where you purchased them, and no matter how many you have. Just don’t be a smartass and bring in a live snake to wrap for your grandma. (And if you’re not in Austin, keep reading because I have something for you, too.)
Visit the Quicksilver Wrapping Truck on:
* Thursday, 12/12/13 at The Domain from 11am-5pm
* Friday 12/13/13 at Barton Creek Square from 11am-5pm
* Saturday 12/14/13 at The Arboretum at Great Hills from 11am-4pm.
And wait—there’s more! My good friend Lauren Bayne of M.I.L.K. and I will be on Good Day Austin on Fox7 this Thursday morning leading the anchors in a Gift Wrap Challenge. Lauren is insisting we wear Ugly Christmas Sweaters and leather chaps, but we haven’t nailed anything down yet. She also thinks we need to use “personas” on air, like The Snippy British Lady and Her Assistant Who Only Recites Prince Lyrics, but again, we’re not locked into anything. I’m sure you can see why I like her, though.
The two of us will also be at the Barton Creek Mall on Friday, 12/13 from 11am-1pm hosting a “Holiday Gift Wrap Showdown.” (Pew pew.) You can show off your amazing gift wrapping skills for a chance to win a $500 Simon Malls gift certificate. Yeah, that’s right: I’ll be at the mall. With a microphone. LIKE TIFFANY. Where my stonewashed miniskirt ats, babe, cause I think we’re alone now and quite possibly in danger of getting detained by Paul Blart Mall Cop if I keep paging “Mr. Manilow, report immediately to my lap.”
Now, THE SWEEPSTAKES. Leave your best/worst gift wrapping experience in the comments for a chance to win a $100 Simon Malls giftcard AND a “Holiday Survival Kit” that includes gift wrapping supplies, batteries, chocolate and other goodies to help make your holidays less stressful and more fun. Just like Tori Spelling’s. One entry per person, winner to be announced on Friday via my blog and tweets. And visit Lauren’s blog for another chance to enter. Good luck!
You can learn more about Quicksilver at capitalone.com or follow them on Twitter at @capitalone and we’ll be using the hashtag #KaChing.Why stop at free gift wrapping when you can earn unlimited 1.5% cash back on every purchase, every day? I have no idea! Rules and regulations and all the good legal stuff can be found by clicking here.