The “Let’s Wrap Up the Holidays Already” Sweepstakes

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1. We have nosy kids, so I usually leave shopping until 4p on Christmas Eve and hope for the best at 7-11. Whatever I manage to drag home gets wrapped after midnight in an alcohol-induced frenzy that ends in tears and the questionable sleeping habits of my mother-in-law.

2. I hate wrapping presents more than anything. I always do the thing where you cut too much and then you try to trim it after it’s taped and it looks like a rat chewed it so you try to fold it over and use more tape and then you run out of tape and cut yourself on the empty tape dispenser and just yell, “F*$K this, I’m going to the bar!” and your 3-year-old calmly shoves it all in a gift bag with tissue paper.

3. I like to think i’m a decent wrapper…not the wicky wicky kind either…paper, yes paper wrapper. lol But I too end up with too much and it have to trim it down so it’s a jaggedy and torn, but nothing a lil clear scotch tape can’t cover!

   also, when I was about 12, I unwrapped several of my gifts carefully, took them to school to show off, they got broke, and I had to try and rewrap them and put them back under the tree. My mom knew right away something was wrong. I got in trouble. lol

4. I suddenly have a very deep desire to fly to Barton Creek mall. I once accidentally wrapped my daughter’s gift for her temple preschool book exchange in Santa paper. Not a smooth move but in my defense I kick ass during Hanukkah and interfaith marriages are challenging.

5. This year has been the most challenging wrapping gifts! My 1 year old daughter is fascinated with all the shiny and glitter… I’ve caught her with tape on her butt, string around her neck and body, and even whole jungle bells in her mouth! Some days I feel like such a bad momma! Sheesh smh.

6. Worst wrapping was my uncle who thought it was funny to cover a box in duct tape so we could not open it, really it’s just mean to do to a child (can’t wait to do it to mine this year!)

7. I used to work for a rich dude who “kept company” with several young women. One Christmas I was tasked with getting gifts for the tier one lady and the 2 ladies right below her, bringing them back to the office, and putting tags on. All 3 gifts came from the same place. Two gifts were interchangeable but that top gift for lady #1 (already a demanding pain in my ass) was different and if she got one of the others it would be obvious. I paid attention in the store. I was sure I tagged them right at the office. I swore up and down to my supervisor that they were properly tagged.

   They weren’t.

   He got embarrassed in front of Lady #1.

   I was almost fired.

   He’s married to someone else now. It’s possible I did him a favor.

8. My husband is the most awesome-est gift wrapper ever. Seriously, it’s like he should have been a professional gift wrapper. He has taught me a few tips that have made my gift wrapping experience a breeze now.

9. I asked my husband to pick up some fluffy robes at Victoria Secret for our girls. While there, he picked up several things for me. They offered free giftwrap, so he asked they label each with the name. Mine were labeled, “Wife #1”, “Wife #2” and “Wife #3”. I asked if this was his way of telling me something….

10. All of them? Literally, all of them. I use about 19 pieces of tape, one end’s fold is about 8 times longer than the other one, it NEVER meets in the middle, or if it does, the pattern is SO off center. Then I try to put the bow together and either I cut my thumb off try to curl ribbon or I accidentally put the pre-taped bows off-center and by trying to move it, I rip the paper. So VOILA! Gift bags it is!

11. My dad always over-taped; we used to joke there was more tape than paper on gifts he wrapped. He saw it as a challenge and started adding more tape on purpose, so we decided to get him back about 10 years ago. We wrapped all of his Christmas gifts in duct tape, including one masterpiece of silver tape woven with red & green ribbon that took three of us to hold the pieces & one to cut. He love it & thus started a tradition of coming up with the most-difficult-to-open present for Dad!

12. This Christmas will be my first away from home, so when I went home for thanksgiving my mom gave me my early Christmas present, all individually wrapped and set in a big Christmas bag. I wanted to preserve the gifts until Christmas, but had the challenge of having to pack them in my suitcase without unwrapping them. What made it even more of a challenge was that my mom had wrapped the gifts inside the bag not with wrapping paper, but with tissue paper. Packing the gifts without breaking the tissue paper thus became a task as hard as fitting an egg through a bottle top without breaking the shell. Needless to say 3/4 of the gifts survived the packing and travel, but I did get two early presents, just because the tissue paper tore open on two of the gifts as I struggled to pack the presents. The two early gifts were a towel and a pajama set! I look forward to opening the surviving gifts this Christmas day to see what surprises remain!

13. Well, I’m impressed. A credit card company actually offering something that we want and need!

    Well played Captial One.

14. I worked at Cracker Barrel in high school. I would come home smelling like grease and potpourri, but I sure learned how to wrap. Having the supplies ready ahead of time helps, as does a table to stand up. And good boxes. While it seemed terrible at the time, looking back at it, I think it was a good experience. I can wrap like nobody’s business. 🙂

15. I absolutely hate wrapping presents. That’s why I use those cute bags with the tissue paper. It’s much easier!

16. My main problem is judging where to cut the paper to fit the item. I’m cheap, so I usually come up short & have to piece the paper together. But that just means I have lots of small pieces for stocking stuffer’s.
    My sister is the QUEEN of scotch tape. You need a knife to open her gifts!

17. In 2010, I had procrastinated until December 23 to wrap all the gifts I had purchased. My back was aching and I had only gotten about half way through. Just then, our front door was slammed in and several cops in SWAT gear and huge guns came trampling through my living room all over my wrapping paper and supplies! I was in total shock as I had zero clue what was going on. Turns out there was a home invasion next door and the cops got the wrong house! They never once offered to repair our door or replace my gift wrapping supplies! Needless to say, it took me a few hours to get over the shock and finish all the wrapping!

18. So, I like to gift wrap…my uncle, not so much. Years ago, he brought me a gift that he had wrapped for his son and told me he would pay me to re-wrap the gift. I accepted the offer. HE WRAPPED HIS SON’S GIFT IN MOTHA EFFIN DUCT TAPE! DUCT. TAPE. Really?!?! Do you know how difficult it is to unwrap and rewrap something that has been touched by that semi-shiney silvery tape? I charged him $20 and introduced him to gift bags.

19. I’m the worst at wrapping. Now my kids are bigger, I have them wrap each other’s presents. It makes them feel involved and leaves me more time for eggnog.

20. I kind of like wrapping ( although I am only “okay” at it . My great grandmother use to work in the gift wrap department at Scarbouroughs in the mall and she taught me how when I was a child. So every year when I start wrapping, I think of her fondly. Of course before it is all over with I am like you, half way wrapping and all kinds of interesting “designs”

21. No wrapping story for ya, but FYI…the other day there was a pop-up store on the corner of S. Lamar and Barton Springs selling ugly Christmas sweaters. Boom!

22. One year I started wrapping presents an hour before it was time to unwrap them. It seem too silly but there is something about just ripping of the beautiful wrapping paper from your presents hoping for a great surprise.

23. I use gift bags almost exclusively because wrapping presents is so annoying.

    But the better story is my dad. He’s an expert at wrapping presents. Especially in boxes from different items, or completely wrapped in plastic grocery bags. Yeah, it’s easy to spot the ones from dad.

24. When I was a kid, my mother and aunt broke out the wine early one Christmas Eve and proceeded to sneak downstairs to wrap presents prior to attending a snowy Christmas Eve Candlelight service at a local Lutheran Church.

    While happy my mom and aunt were at church, the pastor officiating over the service, was relucatant to give them any more wine during communion. Especially after their first two trips through the line.

    With the uncanny memories that both women possess, it’s ironic that they often only remembered to wrap one side of the present. In the morning, the kids awoke and headed over to the tree to find that there wasn’t much suspense in wondering what much of the presents were.

25. I love wrapping presents. My family always leaves it until the last minute, so I spend the hours of 11pm-1:30am Christmas Eve wrapping gift from everyone (and trying to decipher the to/from notes. Lots of gifts are from With Love.)

    The hardest gift I’ve ever wrapped up was a goldfish. It was in a plastic bag. I’m terrified of fish. Things did not end well…

26. I wish I was in Austin, so I could enter that contest! I LOVE wrapping gifts.

    Here’s a quick “best”: I attended a baby shower this weekend, and I was the ONLY guest who didn’t use one of those awful pastel bags with a ducky on it. The mom-to-be told me that quite a few guests said they wished I was their friend, so they could get a pretty gift like mine.

    My gift was two tiered boxes, wrapped in black and white damask, tied with black fabric ribbon. It’s all about the fabric ribbon. Super classy, and the cats won’t eat it and die, like they would with plastic ribbon.

27. In college I worked at a sporting goods store in Customer Service and we offered gift wrapping. I LOVE to wrap presents, so I was in heaven. But then one day a guy brought me a bike helmet to wrap. And our bike helmets came in boxes, only one corner of the box was “en plein air – open to the elements. Was I supposed to pull the paper over the empty corner? Make a faux corner that would inevitably get crushed? I think I did a combination of both but all I remember was when I handed it to the guy, he gave a little chuckle. I never claimed to be a professional.

28. I want the kids to still believe so… I usually wrap a couple of gifts early for under the tree. Then end up staying up Christmas eve wrapping and “setting up” all the “Santa” gifts, till 3 in the morning. I have to use different, hidden paper too. The kids are too smart to use the same. It’s exhausting! Last year after going through all the trouble I made the mistake of sending my son to get something out of dad’s closet. What did he find? Santa’s special paper! Ugh! Well, I’m not staying up till 3 am this Christmas!

29. You had me at batteries. I have toys that need them also.

    Unfortunately, I have no wrapping stories. Perhaps you’d accept a rapping story?

    Once again, you make me wish I lived in Austin. I could serve as your assistant wrapping (or rapping) elf, wearing a pointy bra pair of shoes and singing Manilow’s greatest hits.

30. Worst gift wrap experience was when I was a kid, my aunt Karen would use half a roll of tape on each gift she wrapped making it impossible for a kid to open.

31. My best and worst is that my siamese cats like to “help” me wrap. They attack and/or lay on the paper with every fold! It makes it take so much longer, but it’s so entertaining at the same time.

32. Note to self: Do not wrap underwear or socks in a pristine Apple product box.

33. The gift was wrapped beautifully, with a tag bearing my name on a red ribbon. I looked forward to opening this gift from my then mother-in-law, as she and I had an excellent relationship and she was very sweet. With anticipation, my fingers pulled open the package gently, saving the paper in a way that would have made my grandmother proud. What could it be? The shape of the box was an elongated cube, which might be anything.

    And there it was: a chia pet. A CHIA PET. From my sweet mother-in-law. I smiled, opening my mouth to laugh; and then I looked at her face. She wasn’t laughing. She was looking at me as if to say, “Don’t you like it?” She was dead serious. And when I opened the next gift, a clock from Wal-Mart, I realized that maybe gift-giving wasn’t her forte. I still love her anyway.

34. When my parents divorced, dinner at Dad’s was a choice between Cocoa Puffs and Fruity Pebbles. So I took matters – and “Diet for a Small Planet” – in my 15-year-old hands and proceeded to whip up [decimate] some truly scrumptious [inedible] culinary delights [utter shite]. A few weeks into my efforts, Santa brought new cookbooks, spices, pans AND, wrapped in Christmas paper…raw, congealing chicken breasts. Under the tree. In puddles of their own blood. Yes, I cooked them. And we ate them. Diarrhea for the win?

35. Nothing better than challenging my teenage niece and nephew. They are at the age where they prefer cash so of course I make them work for it. One year I wrapped three different size boxes all covered in duct tape, scotch tape, painters tape, masking tape, pretty much every type of tape I could find. Then the outside was beautifully wrapped with shiny paper and a bow.

36. Hmmmm….I can’t really come up with anything noteworthy on wrapping gifts, but excited to have the chance to win! My mom worked at Dillard’s gift wrapping, so perhaps it’s in the genes for me 🙂 Although the environmentalist in me always feels guilty using too much paper and all that (is that too Debbie Downer? Because I will gladly accept prize paper!)

37. My parents always gave us clues about the presents by what famous people they were purportedly from, like a new set of violin strings “from Isaac Stern” or a kitchen gadget “from Julia Childs”.

38. My grandfather was a happy go lucky guy, loved by all so this was really out of character; a stepbrother of mine received a gift at Christmas wrapped beautifully from our papaw but when he opened it, it contained the single sock he had left behind on a visit the previous summer. We were all so surprised we didn’t even take papaw to task for it!

39. Between gift bags and patterned paper that could hide a multitude of sins, I had gift wrapping knocked. Until I was asked to wrap gift baskets. It was for a charity golf event and sounded easy enough: Grab a basket, throw in some excelsior, add golf balls, t-shirt, hat and a beer coozie. Wrap the whole thing in cellophane and voila, gift basket. Between charity, simplicity and free beer, I wrapped. And when the last basket was done, I reached for the coozied beer I had been drinking, and it was gone. You guessed it, I’d gift wrapped half a can of Bud.

40. At age 16, my friend and I went to the local department store to look for a part-time job. My friend spoke to the HR person first and got a job working at their free gift-wrap counter. I got nothing but a lousy case of low self-esteem. Every year, as I wrap my kids’ presents, I think, “If only I had spoken to the hiring manager first, I’d be professionally trained to do this.” And I resent my friend all over again.

41. My favorite gift wrapping story is about a gift I received from my sister. It was the lumpiest, weirdest looking thing I’d ever seen. When I got the paper off, it was a bent-up wire coat hanger on top of a record album (remember those?)

42. Wendi ma sista gonna pump them gifts
    full of vim an wit an pleny spliffs
    She an her sistas gonna fill the mall
    So get youself down and hava ball!

43. I worked, briefly, at a fancy department store in Sarasota that was frequented by all the rich retirees. One woman brought in her extremely spoiled granddaughter 30 minutes before closing. The girl tried on every outfit in the place, left the ones she didn’t like on the floor of the dressing room, and then insisted that the ones she wanted be fully gift wrapped because they were Christmas presents, even though she knew what they were. The manager came around 15 minutes after closing to find out why I hand’t checked my cash drawer in and found me covered in bits of ribbon and tape and crying.

44. Growing up my parents didn’t wrap any gifts. They took them all out of the boxes and set up little stations for us. I had one, my brother had one and my sister had one. I don’t know if it is because of this but I love wrapping presents and opening, the thrill of not knowing what the package contains. Of course,this year I am running way behind on my wrapping!

45. I wrapped presents at a mall when I was in high school. It was mostly men who needed stuff wrapped. I was so inept. I like to picture all those middle-aged wives opening their packages, believing their husbands must have wrapped the presents because they were so shoddily done. “You tried hard, Bill.”

46. I once resorted to band-aids to secure the wrapping paper when all the tape, including duct and electrical, had run out. I did, at least, cut off the little padded center part and use the sticky part folded in on itself so it wasn’t visible on the outside.

47. I officially SUCK at wrapping gifts. When we have to bring a gift somewhere, I make my husband wrap it because if I do it it looks like a drunken toddler did it.

48. Our puppy had joined my young son, in unwrapping gifts before I could knew it, so there were no before pictures….

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