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Is It Too Late To Write About My Cats?

December 16th, 2013

As 2013 draws to a close, I know you all have one big, burning question in your mind: “Hey, what’s up with Wendi’s cats?” And because I don’t want you entering the new year unfulfilled, I’m going to tell you! Oh, come on, I’ve resisted the cat stuff all year long. Indulge me.

Cat #1 Virgil is doing very well as long as he has food, so let’s talk about the other one. Lola. We adopted her from the shelter almost two years ago and she is, in a word, a f-in handful. She’s been stuck in or behind almost everything in our house at least once, including the refrigerator, the fireplace, the washing machine, the recycling bin, the dishwasher and various dresser drawers and boots. Here are Lola and Virgil playing “The Wizard of Oz”:

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“I haven’t been the same since that dresser fell on my sister.”

When she’s not exploring, Lola’s destroying. Paper, ribbon, shoes, shirts, fingers—it all gets chewed on. But on the plus side, she also uses her killer instinct to catch scorpions, millipedes, wasps and the other fun things that come inside your house when you live in Texas. Her body count is quite impressive. One day I thought she had a worm in her mouth, but quickly realized it was a gecko’s tail when I found the rest of the gecko’s body squirming on the bathroom floor. That was a fun morning. Here she is helping Sam with his math homework:

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She can be very sweet and snuggly, but we still have to keep her out of our bedroom at night. Here’s why: out of nowhere, she’ll take a running leap onto the headboard, accompanied by a high-pitched strangling noise, then trot back and forth on it like she’s a shooting gallery duck until she finally BOOM! cannonballs like Chris Farley onto one of our heads. We’re considering sleeping in football helmets now. But seriously—did the shelter show her Three Stooges movies during her formative weeks or something? I don’t understand where this shit comes from.

Lola’s other favorite thing to do is sit up high and watch what’s going on:

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Sometimes she lures Virgil up there, too, so they can compare whiskers and gossip about the slutty tabby who lives next door:

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“Girl, she’s had like, 20 babies with, like 5 different baby daddies. Um hmm.”

And sometimes she gets a little too daring for her own good, causing everyone in the house to collectively scream, “LOLA! GET DOWN!” while she looks at us like, “Excuse me, but Lola do what Lola want and Lola want to pose.”

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The latest Lola fun has to do with the tree frog Jack got for his birthday. Lola is obsessed with Mickey The Frog, as well as the container of crickets we have to feed to the frog, and she’s been trying whatever she can do to get into Jack’s room. Including, but not limited to, hiding in Jack’s laundry basket like a soiled shirt:

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And pretending to get drunk and pass out in the wine room:

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Seriously, Lola. That doesn’t even get me out of PTO meetings anymore. At least put on some booty shorts first so it looks realistic. Smear your lipstick a little. Yell, “Whas yo pwoblem, ossifer?!” Make me want to believe you if you really want to get your chompers on that tree frog. They don’t grow on…nope. You’re not going to make me say it, you tabby instigator. You’re not. I’m better than that.

All of that said, I think I’m now done with the feline stories for awhile. No more cats until next year, I promise. So from all of us, Lola, Virgil, Mickey the Frog and myself, we wish you a happy, prosperous and healthy 2014!

(But maybe cross your fingers for Mickey.)

Entry Filed under: Uncategorized

18 Comments

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  • 1. Stephanie  |  December 16th, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    Yay for cats! We just got to our new house, so it’s been nonstop merriment here. I haven’t seen my Siamese since yesterday.

  • 2. Lance  |  December 16th, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    we have 2 cats, as well. They do similar things. Mine also like to attack my lap when I’m trying to write sparkling snark on the internets. They don’t care.

  • 3. Marinka  |  December 16th, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    The Wizard of Oz photo is my favorite. And so is the wine room.

  • 4. hokgardner  |  December 16th, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    One day Elizabeth and I had this conversation.

    E: It would make me so happy if I could have a kitten.
    Me: That would be fun, but daddy is allergic to cats.
    E: Oh. How about when he dies. Can we get one then?

    Brandon now sleeps with one eye open.

  • 5. Laurie  |  December 16th, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    My little shelter kitty sounds like a close relative of Lola’s. I’ve seen her trying to figure out how to get up on the fridge.

    She also wants to play during the night. One glorious night, I guess I twitched my bum in my sleep because the next thing I knew, she was attacking it.

    Such a rude way to wake up.

  • 6. The mama bird diaries  |  December 16th, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    Why is one of your cats not named Manilow?

  • 7. Amy  |  December 16th, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    OH THANK GOD. I think if I asked my husband one more time “What do you think Wendi’s cats are up to?” he was going to KILL me.

  • 8. Maureen  |  December 16th, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    I love the picture with her walking the clock. I wonder if she was part of the Wallenda’s in another life?

  • 9. Nancy Davis Kho  |  December 16th, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Please write about your cats every day.

  • 10. Cait  |  December 16th, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    Have you seen Diary of a Sad Cat on youtube? You should have the boys make your own!

  • 11. Barb Best  |  December 16th, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    I realize this is a reflection upon my feline proclivity, but It is NEVER too late to write about your cats! Love it.

  • 12. Greta  |  December 16th, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    Lola and Virgil. What a pair. But really, she looks so soft and sweet. I don’t believe she does anything naughty.

  • 13. Gdot  |  December 17th, 2013 at 11:08 am

    First off. Love your cat.
    Second…I don’t want to start a fight between you and Marinka, but your book sounds more interesting. I mean , murder, sex , comedy and action . I’m LITERALLY on the edge of my seat.
    But mostly cause my cat decided she wanted the chair.

  • 14. Amy  |  December 18th, 2013 at 1:24 am

    I think it’s your cats that like to attack at night. I remember Lisa and I getting attacked by Dickens at night. We couldn’t sleep with our arms or legs out in fear that she would attack them.

  • 15. julie gardner  |  December 18th, 2013 at 10:43 am

    I tried getting “stuck” behind the refrigerator, the washing machine and the recycling bin.

    My family kept finding me, too.

    p.s. Thanks for a year of great posts. Really.

  • 16. Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes  |  January 3rd, 2014 at 4:52 am

    I think Virgil would along just fine with my holy terror, Atilla. Who, now that he is a ripe old 7 going on 8 likes nothing better then sleeping and eating.
    And catching the occasional rat…

  • 17. Stacy @bklynstacy  |  January 5th, 2014 at 7:52 pm

    Love. All. Of. This. And love that Lola’s sweet face!! xo

  • 18. melanie shaw  |  January 7th, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    the dresser photo is missing …..striped socks!


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