Today I need to say “thank you” to a couple of friends who sent me some truly wonderful things:
1. A DVD of Barry Manilow’s “Songs From the Seventies” show
2. A Steve Harvey mustache on a stick
Now, I know what you’re all thinking right now. “But Wendi, if you’re a big fan of Barry Manilow and Steve Harvey, how do you even have friends?” And yes, that is definitely a head scratcher. In fact, I should probably still be stuck inside a middle school locker in North Dakota taking comfort in my acid wash jeans and can of flat TAB.
But fortunately the universe has decided to smile on me and I do have a few friends. It’s like I always say in regards to friendship and IKEA kitchen merchandise: there’s a lid for every motherf*@&ing pot.
Speaking of pot, the Manilow magic was sent to me by Sandra who is the only person I’ll ever know with a nickname given to her by Snoop Dogg (Snoop Lion? Snoop Iguana? I’m totally out of the Snoop loop.) Anyway, Sandra/Shawty Shawtcake and I have been friends for a very long time, ever since we worked together at Warner Bros. during the 1930’s. She sent me the Manilow gift with a note saying, “Found this in a Hollywood thrift store! Hope you don’t already have it!”
Of course I was thrilled to get the package, but I admit that Shawty’s note was disturbing to both me and my husband Chris for totally different reasons. His concern was that people are under the impression that I have such a huge collection of Manilow memorabilia, a PBS Emmy Consideration mailer from 2007 might be a duplicate, and I was concerned that someone actually had the cold-hearted balls to unceremoniously drop Barry off at a second-hand shop. The nerve.
So obviously when I’m not watching Barry croon “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” on the DVD, I’m busy dusting it for prints so I can report the jackass offender to Amnesty International and get some Fanilow justice.
Which brings us to Steve Harvey’s mustache. Some of you may know Steve from his appearances on Oprah wearing his giant purple suit that has 100 buttons up the front, or from his hosting duties on “Family Feud,” but I like Steve because of his radio show. I’ve been listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show on I Heart Radio’s WDAS-FM for the past couple of years and love it.
WDAS-FM isn’t in Texas, it’s in Philadelphia, so if you ever want to know how the traffic is on the Betsy Ross Bridge or where you can resell all of your unused diabetes test strips in the state of Pennsylvania, hit me up. I may not know how the weather is outside my own window, but I know it’s partly cloudy in South Philly and you should be carrying an umbrella. Anyway, Steve’s show is very funny and it’s taught me great phrases like, “I gots to adjust mah wig” and “Damn, girl, I hongry” that I like to casually throw out during PTO meetings.
The caterpillar on a stick was sent to me by my friend Nancy Davis Kho who got it from the Steve Harvey booth at a conference. (Purple suits with 100 buttons up the front were apparently too expensive to give away as swag.) I love Nancy because she’s a super funny writer, she was the sucker who went to see Barry with me last winter in San Jose and because I can send her any kind of text ever and she just rolls with it. Like this one from last Friday night:
Good thing I wasn’t actually dying from my $.50 beauty mask or she’d feel like a total schmuck and then my grieving husband would feel compelled to donate my Manilow DVD and Steve Harvey mustache to—-Goodwill.
Ohhhhh. Now I get it.
____________________
In other wonderful news, remember Kacee Clanton who I went to see in the Janis Joplin show last month? She just got word that she’ll be doing the show on BROADWAY. I know, can you believe that? I’m thrilled for her and urge you all to see her in the show if you’ll be in NYC.
Also, I’ll be speaking at the Texas Conference for Women on November 19, 2013. I was super confused and flattered when they asked me and I’m excited to talk about forging your own path. And big news: I also get to introduce Delia Ephron! As in You’ve Got Mail and Love Loss and What I Wore Delia Ephron. I had her book “Teenage Romance: Or How to Die of Embarrassment” when I was 13 or 14 and it was a huge influence on me. So if you’re in Texas, buy your ticket to see speakers like Delia, Jenny Lawson, and some cook named Rachel Ray who’s doing the keynote.
Finally, even though I’m not still trapped in a middle school locker, I compared my husband’s 1983 locker to my son Sam’s 2013 locker on AlphaMom. Take a look!
I’ll be very disappointed if I learn you don’t have a life-size cardboard cutout of Manilow in your office.
Oh, you have plenty of friends, wonderful Wendi. Had you texted me asking about your urgent care, I’d have provided enough freaking out for the both of us.
Steve Harvey, just the thought of his wonderful grin knocks mah wig off.
xo
Holy shiitake, Wendi! You sure know how to pack a post full of exciting news. Congratulations on being one of the top dawgs at the Women’s Conference! I’m thrilled and jealous that you’ll be introducing Delia Ephron. I’m a wee bit older than you and the Ephron women have always been my heroes. If you’re not too frazzled, could you please ask her for her autograph for me? No biggie if you’re under pressure.
Um…I really need that DVD.
Of course you have friends! Lots of them! And they don’t talk about you behind your back! Ever!
I laughed hard enough to annoy my Siamese to the point that she got the eff off my arms, so, a win, I think, for both of us. I, unfortunately, left my mustache on a stick behind. Had I known you’d have loved one so much, I’d have brought it home with me. And good luck and have great fun at the conference!
Of course you have friends! Even though you don’t like group hugs. Even METAPHORICAL group hugs. Gah.
If only we could get Barry to wear the Steve Harvey ‘stache while wearing a dollar store face mask. If only.
The best part about that Steve Harvey mustache is I didn’t even have to fight the crowd at a booth to get one. It just magically appeared in a plastic bag on my bed at the Sheraton one afternoon. BlogHer works in mysterious ways. I hope when you wore it out on your anniversary your husband was impressed.
zOMG I had that book too! I loved it! Lucky you getting to meet her!
The Snoop loop! Get on it! (In it?)
Best phrase ever.
Speaking of Pot? Hmmm….whatever do you mean!! Wow, what great gifts from such great friends. We like you, we really, really like you!
Middle schools have lockers?
Since when?
Heck, when I got to high school I only had half a locker for the entire four years
Nancy Davis Kho rocks.
And Tab Cola is a beautiful drink for beautiful people.
It says so on TV. So, you know.
Truth.
p.s. But Nancy Davis Kho really does rock. Steady.