My mind is like a pinball machine lately, so in no particular order, here are just a few of the things banging around in there:
1. I Made A Video For Something!
Obviously I’m making good use my Film degree from 1990. Anyway, I thought the two point five seconds I put into conceptualizing, acting, and editing that tour de force was time well spent, but everyone else who saw it seems to disagree. Here are a few of the reviews:
My husband: That was just…weird. Like BAD weird. Not good weird. BAD weird.
My friend Kristi who is always 100% positive: Well, bless your heart! You made a video!
My son Sam: Nobody will know you’re my mom from that, right? I NEED A GUARANTEE, WOMAN.
Fine. Whatever. Those reviews are still better than the ones any Adam Sandler movie has ever received. Plus I think I look really thin under the socks.
2. Listen To Your Mother Austin 2013 Has Just Been Announced!
I’m super excited that Liz McGuire and I will be co-producing and directing our third Listen to Your Mother show, scheduled for the evening of May 9th, 2013. There will also be LTYM shows in 24 (24!) other cities this year. I’m so proud of Ann Imig for what she’s created and hope all of you will be able to see (or be in) a show near you.
3. I Hate Furbys!
Click on the little rat bastard to find out why.
4. I’m Rapidly Declining!
If you’ll recall, way back in 2011 I was thrilled to be named Parents Magazine’s Editors Choice Funniest Mom Blog. Then last week, I was mentioned as an “Undiscovered Blogger” on Babble.com. I don’t even know what to make of that, but I guess it means I’ve had a really, really bad year. Cats and Manilow can only take you so far, my friends. It’s true. Ask any hoarder.
But it’s definitely a sign that I’d better up my game. If I don’t, by 2013 I’ll probably be on a “Who the F–k Is This?” blog list and then I won’t even pull in my annual profit of $2.59 and free yogurt coupons that keep me afloat. I’ll be like MC Hammer after the fall.
5. I Almost But Not Really Learned How To Knit!
Remember my friend Chelsea who knits uteri and sends them to lawmakers? Well, after she gave me this little Backdoor Bambi potholder for my Christmas present—
I asked her to teach me how to knit because hello? You can be crafty and X-rated at the same time? Why doesn’t Martha Stewart know about that? But after about an hour of futility, the lesson ended with me yelling, “I CAN’T DO THIS BECAUSE I HAVE ROYAL HANDS AND NOT PEASANT HANDS LIKE YOURS” and Chelsea yelling back, “I’M DONE WITH YOU! LEARN HOW TO KNIT FROM YOUTUBE, MORON,” then a few light stabs to each others kidneys with knitting needles.
I had no idea crafts were so much fun.
6. I’m Flying To Barry!
Yes, that’s right, I’ve now taken the Fanilow sickness to a new level and tomorrow I’m flying to Oakland, CA so I can go to a Barry concert with my friend Nancy Davis Kho of Midlife Mixtape! Whoohoo! Barry! Here’s what my sister Amy just sent me for my birthday:
She thought it was hilarious, of course, and suggests I also wear the off-brand jeggings she bought me at a flea market to impress Barry. (And I totally would if they didn’t say “Joocy” across the ass.)
Anyway, I’m way more excited about this concert than Nancy who’s only going to see Barry so she can get a “funny chapter” for the music book she’s writing. But as God is my witness, I’ll convert her into a Fanilow. Oh, yes I will. Wait and see. Wait. And. See. But right now I have to go pack my suitcase and also buy some yellow feathers for my hair. I just hope my cat Lola doesn’t eat them.
Shit. I just mentioned cats and Manilow again, didn’t I?
There goes my $2.59.