I’ve been everywhere, man
Crossed the desert’s bare, man.
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man.
Of travel I’ve had my share, man.
I’ve been everywhere, man.
That Shell station bathroom was disgusting, man.
On July 21st, the Aarons family truckster pulled out of Austin, Texas and—21 days, 6,000 miles and 30 gallons of crappy coffee later—we pulled back in and immediately went our four separate ways for the rest of the summer. I mean, did I mention 6,000 miles?
Presenting our family vacation, told via iPhone pictures, random words and my oh-so-desperate tweets that I sent during the few times I actually had cell reception:
Starting our drive out of Texas. Which, from the middle of Texas, only takes 8 quick hours. Wheeeee!
Husband found an All 80s Weekend radio station & is now whistling along to “Theme From Hill Street Blues.” Need blunt instrument.
Driving through the New Mexico Missile Testing range. But the kids don’t seem happy in the red & white bullseye shirts I just put them in.
White Sands, NM
Valley of the Fires, NM
World’s Largest—Pistachio? Alamogordo, NM
If my husband & I were on “The Amazing Race,” our team name would be “The Frequent Potty Stopper & The Eye Roller.” (I’m the Eye Roller.)
Tomorrow we’re going to the Grand Canyon! Or maybe the Venti Canyon! Hahahaha! Shit, I’m tired.
Grand Canyon, AZ
After the Grand Canyon:
We’re now in that lovely part of Arizona known as “The Plural Marriage and Abandoned Meth Lab” Scenic Drive. There will be no photos.
Las Vegas, NV
Since the kids are with us in Vegas, I’m not gambling. Not because they’re underage–but because the 8yo’s a total cooler.
I think they were getting married with a Deadwood theme. Either that or they were opening up a new cowboy saloon in Bally’s.
Next up, the drive from Vegas to Northern Nevada! In which you only see two things for 500 miles: sagebrush and legal prostitution trailers. Talk about your family fun!
Driving through rural NV, kids keep asking to go to the “cat houses” they see. Wrong kinda pussy, those are.
Here’s a lovely outdoor mall in Beatty, NV:
So many great things to buy, but who has the time to sort through all of those rusty bumpers and WWII ammunition? By the way, it was at about this point in our trip that my husband Chris decided to put Buster Poindexter’s song “Feelin’ Hot Hot Hot” on constant repeat so he could WHISTLE to it. Whistle. Seriously, I don’t know why I didn’t just jump and roll out of the car right then and there and take a job at The Painted Lady as their edible panties washer. I hear it pays surprisingly well.
But before too long, we arrived at our destination where I got to see two of my favorite things:
Lake Tahoe, NV
And my parents, who were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Here they are on their big day in their 50 year old Karmann Ghia:
I know, they’re so much cooler than me. Then later that day, after their big party, my dad opened the bottle of whiskey his friend Duane gave him on their wedding day in 1962 and made everyone in our family (over the age of 21) take a shot. My sisters and I really, really loved it:
Throat killing whiskey aside, I had so much fun being with my parents on their milestone day and it was a wonderful moment to share with them and my entire family.
And all of that—was only half the trip. Next up, New York City, The Mouthy Housewives and Area 51! Oh, lawdy.