One of my closest, funniest friends in the world is someone you may all know, the lovely Marinka who writes at Motherhood In NYC. We met through our blogs, but have become really great friends in real life. She founded The Mouthy Housewives with me, along with Kelcey and Kristine, and not a day goes by that we don’t email each other about something. (Something that usually involves the phrase: “OMG, did you see this?”)
I love my relationship with Marinka, but unfortunately, she very frequently puts me on “Friendship Probation.” Which doesn’t have anything to do with the U.S. Justice system; it’s basically just her way of letting you know she’s pissed off about something you did. Chances are that at least 20 people reading this post have also been on her FP for one reason or another. Hey, we should form a support club! We can meet at Denny’s!
The two of us in happier times.
I’ve probably been ON Friendship Probation more than I’m off, for various reasons, including using the word “ute” instead of “uterus” when discussing lady business with her. And the time I told her I was becoming a coupon blogger and changing my name to The Krazee Koupon Krackpot. Although, in her defense, she was right to be upset. Those really aren’t good initials for a new business venture, no matter how many $10 off Domino’s Pizza coupons you have at your disposal.
Then yesterday, I was put on Friendship Probation again because I tweeted this:
I don’t know if she was upset because I told everybody her secret room rate or because she found out that I’ve also been telling people that whenever I stay with her, I have to cook her Hot Pockets three times a day and call her “Fancy Face” while I braid her hair. Who knows at this point? I just hope she doesn’t make me vacuum her entire apartment like I had to do the last time I stayed there.
Friendship Probation aside, last week things got even more contentious between us after some random person was a jerk to me for no reason. I told Marinka and some mutual friends that the rudeness was especially hurtful because I’m so used to being “universally adored.”Oh, yes, it’s true. I am VERY universally adored. (Except in South Dakota for reasons I’m not legally allowed to discuss.)
Anyway, I apparently forgot that “universally adored” is Marinka’s catchphrase because not 30 minutes later, this was emailed to me:
Yeah, that’s right. She actually sent me a PayPal invoice for $50 for using her catch phrase. I know, what the what? Of course I’ve decided that there’s no way I’m paying it. No freakin’ way, Marinka. Friends let friends use their catch phrases. Haven’t you been saying, “For the love of God” for FREE for the past five years? Huh? Not to mention my incredibly generous offer to let you print “Manilow’s Baby Mama” on t-shirts without my usual licensing fee. I mean, really, Marinka. REALLY.
So as of right now, I, Wendi Aarons, am putting Marinka No Last Name on Friendship Probation. Yeah, that’s right, Marinka. Are you listening to me? The shoe is on the other foot now, baby. You are officially on FP. And I’m not going to talk to you ever, ever again! EVVVVER.
(But be sure to email me later, okay? I totally have some good gossip for you. OMG.)