Rejected Names for Water Parks

June 26th, 2012

Used Band-Aid Island

Mellow Yellow Cove

Yeah-I’m-Sure-It’s-All-Water Park

Lone Flip-Flop Lagoon

Primordial Soup & Slides

Tank Top ‘n Tweety Bird Tattoo Town

Hairy Back Bayou

The Regurgitate Gondola

Side-Boob Bay

The Spumerang

Ringworm Reservoir

Cap’n Cholera’s Crazy Chlorine Cauldron

The Floating Turds of Fresno

Wild Water Wedgies

Chunk Splash Mountain

The Ass-Crackery

Stray Pubic Hair Hollow

The Abnormal Gene Pool

Tampon String Soakerz

Perverted Men Monsoon

Lazy Eyes ‘n Lazy Rivers

NoroVirus’ Ark

Hep-A Harbor

Diarrhea Falls

Obviously I’m suffering from a creative slump right now because not only did I write this post, but I had to ask for help. Thanks to my funny friends Marinka, Shari, Erin, Nancy, Tarja and Ann for going down in flames with me.



Entry Filed under: Uncategorized


Add your own

  • 1. Muffintopmommy  |  June 26th, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Who owns Hairy Back Bayou? I think I just snorted my Diet Coke into my cortex–thanks for that!

  • 2. Karen in San Diego  |  June 26th, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    And I was just thinking about taking the kid to one in Vegas, but now that you point out all of the potential hazards, maybe I’ll just be content with a floaty in the hotel pool. At least there the pool boy can bring me adult beverages without worry of alternate lifeforms invading my body . . .

  • 3. Kizz  |  June 26th, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Side-Boob Bay is especially inspired.

  • 4. Samina  |  June 26th, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    You’ve just cured me of every thinking about getting in our community pool again.

  • 5. Zee  |  June 26th, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Awww, come on!! Let’s get a group together and go!!

    I want to stop on the way and get a tweety-bird tattoo on my side boob first.

  • 6. Pauline  |  June 26th, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Used Band-Aid Island made me LOL, as did some of the other names. Have you seen John Pinette’s take on water parks? Hilarious!

  • 7. Ninja Mom  |  June 26th, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    Like my kids, I know I shouldn’t pick favorites, but . . .

    “Tank Top ‘n Tweety Bird Tattoo Town”

    Slap that tat on a side boob and you’ve got the water park from trashy hell.

  • 8. Mom of A and a  |  June 26th, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Hi, new reader here! Diarrhea Falls….ahahahhahaha!! Great stuff!

  • 9. Invader_Stu  |  June 26th, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    I think I’ve been to some of those places.

  • 10. The Flying Chalupa  |  June 26th, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Abnormal Gene Pool. HEH!
    This was so much fun.

  • 11. Stephanie  |  June 26th, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    Hairy Back Bayou and Side-Boob Bay really did it for me. Won’t be bringing my kids anytime soon. Thanks. :-P

  • 12. dusty earth mother  |  June 26th, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Primordial Soup’n'Slides made me guffaw. Thanks for including me, Wendi!

  • 13. deborah l quinn  |  June 27th, 2012 at 4:38 am

    oh the glory of these names. hairy back bayou is one for the ages.

  • 14. Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes  |  June 27th, 2012 at 5:36 am

    I’m printing this for when I need a really good laugh.

  • 15. Becky Rice  |  June 27th, 2012 at 6:39 am

    Abnormal Gene Pool probably describes both water parks and some family reunions. Just sayin’.

  • 16. Claire  |  June 27th, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Cellulite Slip n Slide

    Muffintop Mountain

    Sun Poison Falls and Food Poison Canyon

    Drowning Pool (inspiration: elementary school nearby added water retention pond. I’ve dubbed it the Drowning Pond.)

    CPR Training School

  • 17. Missy @ Wonder, Friend  |  June 27th, 2012 at 9:53 am

    I’m glad to hear you had help – I was in awe of this list. And worried about where you’ve been vacationing.

    Cannot pick a favorite, but Lazy Eyes ‘n Lazy Rivers aptly describes Schlitterbahn when I was a kid.

  • 18. rbc303  |  June 27th, 2012 at 9:53 am

    ugh, due to the content in this post it went to my SPAM, I almost missed out on this!!!

  • 19. Mary Trunk  |  June 27th, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    I haven’t been in a community pool since I tried to do laps and kept getting my fingers tangled in stray hairs I couldn’t see. Really grossed me out. These names are not only hilarious but perfect descriptions. Thanks!

  • 20. julie gardner  |  June 27th, 2012 at 3:14 pm


    Four season passes to Splash City imprinted with the last name Gardner.

    (New pack of Band-aids included.)

  • 21. Bejewell  |  June 27th, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    We were just at SchlitterYAWN, so the timing of this was perfect. I could relate to many of these and started to laugh out loud, but then I realized there was a stray back hair stuck in my teeth.

  • 22. shrink on the couch  |  June 28th, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    Yep, first clue there may be contamination issues – thousands of people swimming, slipping and sliding but the restrooms with only two stalls are largely empty.

    I think Hairy Back Bayou wins the prize. HOnorary mention goes to Ass Crackery. Hilarious list!

  • 23. Alexandra  |  July 2nd, 2012 at 9:46 am

    I think they should all be called “Stress Out Harbor” because there is not enough prozac or vodka to calm me down when I’m at these places.

    They are all certain death in the cards for me.

    I feel it in my bones every time I go, and every summer my hate for these parks never lessens.

    Stress Out Point. Rename them all.

  • 24. Suldog  |  July 2nd, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    “Side-Boob Bay”

    Genius. Also, unfortunately, true.

  • 25. Stasha  |  July 3rd, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Ringworm reservoir used to be our favorite hangout.

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