Used Band-Aid Island
Mellow Yellow Cove
Yeah-I’m-Sure-It’s-All-Water Park
Lone Flip-Flop Lagoon
Primordial Soup & Slides
Tank Top ‘n Tweety Bird Tattoo Town
Hairy Back Bayou
The Regurgitate Gondola
Side-Boob Bay
The Spumerang
Ringworm Reservoir
Cap’n Cholera’s Crazy Chlorine Cauldron
The Floating Turds of Fresno
Wild Water Wedgies
Chunk Splash Mountain
The Ass-Crackery
Stray Pubic Hair Hollow
The Abnormal Gene Pool
Tampon String Soakerz
Perverted Men Monsoon
Lazy Eyes ‘n Lazy Rivers
NoroVirus’ Ark
Hep-A Harbor
Diarrhea Falls
Obviously I’m suffering from a creative slump right now because not only did I write this post, but I had to ask for help. Thanks to my funny friends Marinka, Shari, Erin, Nancy, Tarja and Ann for going down in flames with me.
Who owns Hairy Back Bayou? I think I just snorted my Diet Coke into my cortex–thanks for that!
And I was just thinking about taking the kid to one in Vegas, but now that you point out all of the potential hazards, maybe I’ll just be content with a floaty in the hotel pool. At least there the pool boy can bring me adult beverages without worry of alternate lifeforms invading my body . . .
Side-Boob Bay is especially inspired.
You’ve just cured me of every thinking about getting in our community pool again.
Awww, come on!! Let’s get a group together and go!!
I want to stop on the way and get a tweety-bird tattoo on my side boob first.
Used Band-Aid Island made me LOL, as did some of the other names. Have you seen John Pinette’s take on water parks? Hilarious!
Like my kids, I know I shouldn’t pick favorites, but . . .
“Tank Top ‘n Tweety Bird Tattoo Town”
Slap that tat on a side boob and you’ve got the water park from trashy hell.
Hi, new reader here! Diarrhea Falls….ahahahhahaha!! Great stuff!
I think I’ve been to some of those places.
Abnormal Gene Pool. HEH!
This was so much fun.
Hairy Back Bayou and Side-Boob Bay really did it for me. Won’t be bringing my kids anytime soon. Thanks.
Primordial Soup’n’Slides made me guffaw. Thanks for including me, Wendi!
oh the glory of these names. hairy back bayou is one for the ages.
I’m printing this for when I need a really good laugh.
Abnormal Gene Pool probably describes both water parks and some family reunions. Just sayin’.
Cellulite Slip n Slide
Muffintop Mountain
Sun Poison Falls and Food Poison Canyon
Drowning Pool (inspiration: elementary school nearby added water retention pond. I’ve dubbed it the Drowning Pond.)
CPR Training School
I’m glad to hear you had help – I was in awe of this list. And worried about where you’ve been vacationing.
Cannot pick a favorite, but Lazy Eyes ‘n Lazy Rivers aptly describes Schlitterbahn when I was a kid.
ugh, due to the content in this post it went to my SPAM, I almost missed out on this!!!
I haven’t been in a community pool since I tried to do laps and kept getting my fingers tangled in stray hairs I couldn’t see. Really grossed me out. These names are not only hilarious but perfect descriptions. Thanks!
FOR SALE:
Four season passes to Splash City imprinted with the last name Gardner.
(New pack of Band-aids included.)
We were just at SchlitterYAWN, so the timing of this was perfect. I could relate to many of these and started to laugh out loud, but then I realized there was a stray back hair stuck in my teeth.
Yep, first clue there may be contamination issues – thousands of people swimming, slipping and sliding but the restrooms with only two stalls are largely empty.
I think Hairy Back Bayou wins the prize. HOnorary mention goes to Ass Crackery. Hilarious list!
I think they should all be called “Stress Out Harbor” because there is not enough prozac or vodka to calm me down when I’m at these places.
They are all certain death in the cards for me.
I feel it in my bones every time I go, and every summer my hate for these parks never lessens.
Stress Out Point. Rename them all.
“Side-Boob Bay”
Genius. Also, unfortunately, true.
Ringworm reservoir used to be our favorite hangout.