Two Suburban Wankers Enter a Bar
April 24th, 2012 by Wendi
Random Wendi
- The Reluctant Triathlete I'm a little distracted and scatterbrained today because I've been ...
- A Humble Plea for Your Support After a lot of deliberation, a lot of worry and ...
- Scared Straight One of my very favorite rules to live by is ...
Page 2 of 2 | Previous page
Posted in Uncategorized | 36 comments
Previous post: Long Story Shorts
Next post: Scared Straight
Nancy Davis Kho:
April 24th, 2012 at 11:51 am
Freakin’ Book Jacket Omelet ROCKS! I saw them open for Bob Schneider once.
Poor you. You’re still on the precipice where you think you have a shot at not being perceived as middle aged by people who share their bowel movements on FB and spend half their day shaping their facial hair tricks. It’s so much less stressful when you finally give in.
Stephanie:
April 24th, 2012 at 11:58 am
Oh, man! That was hilarious. Thank you for representin’ dented Honda Odysseys. Woot woot! (I obviously wouldn’t have lasted 10 minutes in there, either!)
anna:
April 24th, 2012 at 12:17 pm
this is why i never allow my minivan to leave our subdivision. which actually now that i write that, is even worse!
Leigh Ann:
April 24th, 2012 at 1:29 pm
I feel kinda the same way when I roll up in my Explorer. Like they’re all looking at me like, “gas guzzling soccer mom.” My kids don’t even play soccer. Yet. but what I hate more is when we’re downtown in a cool part of town, and we can’t think of anywhere cool to go, so we go to some dumb like Red Robin.
julie gardner:
April 24th, 2012 at 2:02 pm
Whenever Bill and I drink too much conflict free Chardonnay we fight.
I hate the irony of my forties.
p.s. Is it too late to rename my daughter Cochise? She’s twelve. Thanks.
Karen:
April 24th, 2012 at 2:11 pm
I feel quite certain that my mom clothes give me away before I even sit down. I can pretend they don’t know, but everyone knows. I think maybe my comfortable clogs give me away.
suburbancorrespondent:
April 24th, 2012 at 2:38 pm
When you take your oldest on a tour of his new college and you think, “Gosh, all those other parents look so middle-aged and out of it…” THAT is when it hits you: the enemy, it is us.
Peajaye:
April 24th, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Frankly, Wendi, I’m disappointed in you for not pretending your minivan was an ironic prop bus for your indie girl-band “The Meno Pauses” or something like that.
Rochelle:
April 24th, 2012 at 5:27 pm
oh lawd. Have you been spying on me? Still laughing…
Brenda:
April 24th, 2012 at 5:39 pm
Ah, but when Merlin, Cochise and their ilk are the 40-year-old wankers, they will know, at last, that you and your friend were the coolest patrons in that wine bar 20 years ago.
mindy ellzey:
April 24th, 2012 at 6:41 pm
Wendi. You are young enough to be my child. My oldest child is 40 And let me tell you what it’s like to be 60. FREEEEDOM!!
Libby:
April 24th, 2012 at 7:10 pm
I want to give you a hug. Mostly so I can share my Oil of Olay with you. It’s the new oldie greeting.
The Vampire Weekend. Love it.
AimeeKay:
April 25th, 2012 at 12:58 am
If any of them realized you are the awesome author of this blog they wouldn’t have let you drink you wine in peace.
Former Austinite:
April 25th, 2012 at 1:23 am
The first time I realized I was getting older was when I was addressed as “Ma’m. I turned to my husband and said “who does that punk ass kid think he’s calling Ma’m.” Followed by “Nevermind” as my husband was laughing.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes:
April 25th, 2012 at 5:28 am
Wait wayfarers are cool again? Crap, I can’t just keep up.
Stefani:
April 25th, 2012 at 6:03 am
Totally been here and had the old-enough-to-be-their-Mom realization. Only it happens with work colleagues, as well. Sucks. But are you watching Girls on HBO? That’ll make you really glad you’re not in your 20s anymore.
Susan in the Boonies:
April 25th, 2012 at 6:24 am
I’m so old, I remember when I USED to feel awkward being old enough to be a hipster’s mother. But now that I am one, I’m learning to accept being moved to the edge of the herd. Soon…when the wolves come…I’ll be thinned out….
Alexandra:
April 25th, 2012 at 6:33 am
You still have hope, Wendi, and that will keep you young.
bwwaaapffft.
Sorry, couldn’t hold the coffee spitup much longer…
Becky:
April 25th, 2012 at 7:21 am
Rehabbed Pitbulls? Isn’t that a rap singer? Or should I just shut up and sip on my gluten-free-range latte?
Jill:
April 25th, 2012 at 7:24 am
Hilarious- and sadly, so true!!! Love it!
Krabies:
April 25th, 2012 at 7:57 am
I think I still have your Wham sunglasses and you are not getting them back!
Well-Versed Mom:
April 25th, 2012 at 7:58 am
The Honda Odysseys. Loved their last album. Or whatever you call it now. CD? download?
I’m reminded every day of my über-un-hipness by the people I work with: hipsters who could’ve been my kids if I’d gotten knocked up my junior year in high school. We also have a nice assortment of interns who could’ve been my offspring if I’d gotten pregnant in college.
*sigh*
Shannon:
April 25th, 2012 at 8:56 am
Apocalyptica…remember that band name. Cooler than cool…strictly heavy metal cello, out of Finland…sometimes topless. Get with the times woman!
dusty earth mother:
April 25th, 2012 at 11:46 am
My anti-aging serumed eyes are weeping at ‘Book Jacket Omelet’.
Leslie/Iris:
April 25th, 2012 at 4:01 pm
I hate those Wayfarers. They always remind me of the beach volleyball scene in Top Gun…and Kenny Loggins. Dammit. Pass the anti-age serum.
Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him:
April 25th, 2012 at 7:34 pm
I can’t even believe rehabilitated Pit Bulls take orders from owners named Merlin.
Plano Mom:
April 26th, 2012 at 9:49 am
Kia Rondo with a “Coexist” sticker on the bumper and a peace sign in the window. And magnetic clip on sunglasses.
But at least I have all the right radio stations blaring, only because I let my son control the presets.
LC Aggie Sith:
April 26th, 2012 at 10:12 am
Oh, hella no!
I have gone into hipster places and announced my 45 year old presence like the coming of freakin’…..
Hold on. I need to think of an enduring hipster here….
Oh yeah! LIKE FREAKIN’ ANDY WHARHOL!!!!
Totally works, because they know, and I know, that one day, it will be them doing it!!
rojopaul:
April 26th, 2012 at 11:58 am
This is hilarious from start to finish. But I REALLY lost it with talk of “Monica’s Estee Lauder anti-aging serumed eyes.” Oh.My.Goodness.
the mama bird diaries:
April 26th, 2012 at 7:06 pm
This is why i take my 1998 jeep cherokee when i drive to the city. Minivan must be left at home.
Marta:
April 27th, 2012 at 10:30 pm
I’d like to round up all the hipsters in my make believe minivan and drive them over to their mothers house to get a proper scrubdown/dressing. But I don’t have time for that, I’ve got a book jacket omelet concert to try to sneak into.
Linda:
April 29th, 2012 at 6:13 am
Okay, I was at this bar as well (I’m assuming the same from the photo!) when the “Sex in the City” crew arrived… hot, young, fancy bubbled drinks… I literally said “how are those 16-year-olds drinking?” Oh, wait, they’re not 16 and neither am I… sigh
tracy@sellabitmum:
April 29th, 2012 at 11:24 am
I’ve got nothing to say her. I’m just laughing so hard because holy hell can I relate. With the fruit loops tee wearer of course. Right.
Pish Posh:
April 29th, 2012 at 11:30 am
Oh you are much cooler than these hipster-dicks. You had me at dented Honda Odyssey. That is still making me laugh hard.
Suniverse:
April 30th, 2012 at 12:13 pm
See? I just assume all the hipsters are my age, and then I’m exponentially cooler than they are because of course I am.
I do have to say that I’m glad I spent my 20s drunk, so if I were as painfully idiotic as today’s hipsters, I don’t remember it.
liz:
May 8th, 2012 at 9:22 am
Just did a pitch in which we were told just before we walked in the door, “the client is looking for a hipster boutique agency.”
For the record, 50+ year old planners are not hipsters. Ok, I have black glasses, but they aren’t cool ray bans nor f*ck you cat eye.
I sucked in my menopausal pouchy stomach, rolled up the bottom of my jeans & dazzled them with my genius insight. Sigh…