The Bleacher Creature

Obviously, all of those things make me very, very popular in the bleachers. So popular that maybe I’ll have to consider going to more games over the next few years. In fact, maybe I should even plan on going to games when I’m retired.

I really hope Rusty’s still playing then.


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32 comments on this post.
  1. Roxanne:

    This is my first year as a bleachers mom. My kid is playing T-ball. I’m really excited about yelling out TOUCHDOWN whenever someone hits the ball.

    And thanks for the warning. I was planning on spending the time on my phone or reading a book (not a sports fan here). Might have to wear a helmet, just in case.

  2. Laffin so Hard:

    At least Leo’s and Rusty’s folks are positive and happy while they make you deaf, and interfering with any chance of the kids being able to hear DIRECTIONS FROM THEIR COACHES.

    The ones that gravitate toward me tend to start out with “The ref/umpire is blind/stupid/’on their side’.

    To mix it up, they might add at eardrum bursting decibels that the mascot/cheerleaders/concession food are awful/hideous/stupid/induced diarrhea last time they attended.

    Then they start to get derogatory. They occasionally elevate it to threats against other parents, children, officials etc.

    I try to think about the poor kid that gets to live with them.

  3. Kathie:

    Props to you for even sitting in the bleachers! I was that mom who parked the car so I could see the game from the front seat.

  4. Kristen:

    I feel like I should come to Texas and sit in the bleachers with you. Think about all the gossip we could share about Rusty’s mom!

  5. Cait:

    I think I should give this whole Texas mom thing a whirl. I’m really good at gossip and talk to myself all the time! See you at the next game :) p.s. I might need to borrow a kid so I don’t get confused with Rusty’s crowd…

  6. Erin@MommyontheSpot:

    This post has given me a tad bit of anxiety considering that this will be me in a few short years. I think Leo’s mom would drive me to drink.

  7. Cass:

    Ohh, Wendi. You complete me.

  8. Orin:

    I’m the mom that sits there and wonders how all the loser kids got on our team.

    Cause my daughter is obviously the best player out there and the team is just holding her back.

    So basically I sit there in stunned silence.

  9. The Unvarnished Mom:

    I JUST finished putting my kids’ baseball/softball/soccer schedules in my Google calendar and am having major palpitations anticipating my own Bleacher Butt. I need to bookmark that badger drinking a Sprite video. I’ll swap you for the river otter playing with a poodle.

  10. Becky:

    It’s my 5th year as a Bleacher Creature. I also serve the role in the summer/fall (football) and winter (basketball). In the words of the 80s rock gods Loverboy — the best Canadian import ever — “Lovin’ Every Minute of It”.

    Just wait ’til it’s your turn to work the snack stand. Your appreciation of organized sports will plummet even further.

  11. Plano Mom:

    For gosh sakes and all that is holy, save your butt and go spend ten bucks on a bleacher seat. Your butt and your back will thank you, and if you plan ahead and buy your high school colors, you can use those puppies for the next 20 years.

    And booze in the thermos is the only way to get through the rest, including the ijits (idiots).

  12. Sarah:

    My daughter is in hockey and watching those games literally sucks the life out of me. I only pay attention when she is out on the ice. The other parents drive me crazy. WHY are they yelling like that? Most of them have never even been on skates but they are yelling out millisecond by millisecond directions to their kid who is probably thinking “Shut the hell up.”

  13. Nancy Davis Kho:

    Nothing, but nothing, made me happier when both girls dropped out of softball. I made all the appropriate “are you SURE?” noises but inside I was popping the Korbel and ripping open the pretzel bag.

    Then I realized bleacher sitting, which at least gave me a chance at a tan, would be replaced by Parking Lot Sitting as I wait for them to ever be released by their ballet instructor. Send me that badger/Sprite video, I’m so bored.

  14. The mama bird diaries:

    I am suddenly so happy I have 3 girls. God, I hope they don’t all play softball.

  15. Kate Hersch:

    Welcome to my world

  16. Judeene:

    “my husband said no more phone” and you actually listened to him? What is happening with you?

  17. Ann:

    A very much lot of time.

    You need a bladder full of Chardonnay. Besides the one in you already have in your body, that is.

  18. anymommy:

    Oh please can I come and sit by you in the bleachers. I’ll share my peanuts. And my phone.

  19. Headspot:

    To Kathie who parked the car so she could see the game from the front seat – right on, sista! All Spring and Fall Soccer practices in I attended for 10 years in Noirtheast Ohio were viewed from the comfort of my heated or air conditioned car! Love my kids, but I paid and drove, so I DESERVED to be comfortable, right?
    I’ll have to check with my therapist…
    And yeah, I made it to the sidelines for the games!

  20. Mommakiss:

    I say you bring some good head phones to drown out the screamer of Leo. Those parents annoy the bejesus out of me.

  21. Cyn:

    Ok, Wendi, listen up. I’ve got this one figured out. Assuming you got a new iPhone after you dropped yours in the loo, just listen to the comedy channel on Pandora. Hours of fun, my friend, and you can just tell your hubby you’re listening to a little background music while you watch the game. The headphones keep anyone from trying to talk to you and the occasional random chuckle keeps those nearby on their guard.

  22. Jenn:

    I grew up in a small town in Texas, meaning you had to participate in football one way or another or you were likely to be shot (maybe a slight exaggeration, but not by a lot). I was a pee-wee cheerleader for one year (jumping up and down while yelling is not nearly as fun as it looks). My mom was HATED by all the other cheer moms because she would bring books to the games and basically pretend she wasn’t there because she couldn’t give a damn about football. I didn’t know she was doing this when I was little, but now find it hilarious.

  23. tracy@sellabitmum:

    Am the only one who just thinks of that awesome grade school ‘book’ joke when anyone mentions the word bleachers?

    You know the famous book “Under the Bleachers” by Seymour Butts.

    Closely related to “Yellow River” by I.P Freely

    Okay. Just me.

  24. WebSavvyMom:

    –>I love the EAVESDROPPING on other people’s conversations.

    Here is a post dedicated to just a few “gems” I heard a few years ago.


  25. rojopaul:

    Oh, come on, Wendi, this time next year, you will be writing about being the Team Mom. You know you will. :-)

  26. The Flying Chalupa:

    Every Texan has one of those soft, cushiony butt-warmer bench seats COME ONE WENDI.

    And I would totally gossip with you.

    While we buy my toddler beer.

  27. julie gardner:

    Top 5 days of my life in no particular order:

    1. My birth (duh)

    2. My wedding (had to say it)

    3. My son’s birth

    4. My daughter’s birth

    5. The day my son stopped playing little league after seven years.

    The good news is that sometime in the future, you’ll have a GREAT day that won’t involve undue stress on anyone’s vagina. Probably.

  28. Cheryl:

    I have this to say about that: I wake up every single morning and thank gawd I don’t live in Texas. Or anywhere close to the Mason-Dixon line. (And yes, I know Texas isn’t in the south.)

    You do have a way of making it sound like it could be fun to visit. Especially when they’re teeing up the ball.

  29. Liz:

    My husband coached for 13 years. That is a lotta years in the stand. For roughly a third of that time, my son pitched. The pressure of his pitching nearly gave me an ulcer. Listening to the endless patter from the parents in the stands drove me to drink. Two happy things happened for me, I discovered the joy of mojitos in a thermos and my son decided that he loved catching so much more than pitching. Baseball became a confluence of sunny days, delicious drink, and a rousing chant of “hey batter batter, swing!”

  30. Lisa Mallette:

    With softball and tball in full “swing” in our house, This just made my day. Actually makes me look forward to sitting in the bleachers and bring the experience to a whole other level. This year, note to self, bring foam cushion to sit on to minimize numb cheeks.

  31. Lisa Mallette:

    With softball and tball in full “swing” in our house, This just made my day. Actually makes me look forward to sitting in the bleachers and bring the experience to a whole other level. This year, note to self, bring foam cushion to sit on to minimize numb cheeks.

  32. Pish Posh:

    You’d be popular with me! I’d help you throw peanuts at Republicans and toddlers, no problem.

    Atta girl! Run to the end zone!

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