Remember the 4th Grade School project that almost tore our family apart? Well, raise a glass, everyone because Sam managed to come through with flying colors. Here’s the end result:
Pretty impressive, no? If he doesn’t get an A+ on this sucker, I may have to be professionally medicated. But trust me, his presentation was in a whole other league than his classmate Madison G.’s, who basically slapped pink blinking lights and a picture of Pax on an old piece of cardboard and called it Angelina Jolie World. Then, when all the kids were in the gym dressed up like their biography subjects, Madison couldn’t even be bothered to wear an evening dress with a slit and stick her leg out to the side while adopting a baby from Laos. (cough) Slacker. (cough)
Unlike Sam who looked very chic in his Steve Jobs mock turtleneck:
I sat next to him until three people said, “Oh, look! It’s Steve Wozniak!
Wow, he’s gained weight.”
Anyway, I’m very proud of Sam for working so hard on this, and I told him I’d post two of his original comics on my blog as a reward. (Yes, in his mind, being on my blog is a good thing. Let’s not shatter a little kid’s dreams with the ugly truth.) Here’s what he made on makebeliefscomix.com:
Obviously I’m hoping he gets syndicated by age 11 so he can drop out of school and we don’t have to do any more of these fakakta school projects. Trust me, my constitution is far too delicate for next year’s “Let’s Meet Our World Neighbors!” challenge. I hear it made one mom dye her hair in a gas station bathroom and skip town with a lonely trucker just so she didn’t have to make a diorama of Finland’s biggest exports. Yikes.
But Sam’s not the only one into comics lately because I just saw a story I have in Parentwise:Austin about being Room Mom and this is the illustration accompanying it:
Illustration by Beth Rountree
Yep, that blonde hottie is supposed to be me. Now, I think it’s safe to say I look exactly like that, but believe it or not, I’ve never actually worn a swimsuit and wedge sandals to a grade school party. Mostly because I only wear my swimsuit in states where I’m not currently a legal resident, but also because the thought of having 100 other moms stare at me in my skirtini makes me go into anaphylactic shock. I mean, those chicks judge you if you’re wearing last season’s ballet flats. Can you imagine what they’d do if I waltzed in looking like a Hawaiian Tropic model after 20 years of hard livin’ in an Ozark double-wide? They’d drag me to the school cafeteria and pelt me with prison grade hamburger meat until the EMTs show up is what they’d do.
But I guess I can understand from where Beth drew her inspiration for the drawing because here’s me in last month’s Parents Magazine:
Of course I’m beyond thrilled to be in the magazine, but just to show you how professional I am, the only head shot I had to give the editors was that one, where I’m drunk on a cruise ship. Don’t believe me? Here’s one my sister Amy took two seconds later:
I think my husband had just told me he wouldn’t let me enter the Hairiest Chest Contest on the Lido Deck. Whatever. Those things are always rigged, anyway.
In fact, maybe I should make a presentation about that. I bet it’d get an A.