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Why My Husband’s Not Talking To Me

October 16th, 2011

Last week I noticed that our household was down to its last check, so I quickly went online to order new ones from my bank. The first choice you have to make in this process is whether or not you want plain checks or the checks with Tweety Bird or NASCAR pictures on them. I, of course, opted for the plain ones because the last thing I want to do is pay extra to entertain some poor accounts receivable schlub down at the electric company. I’m just not that nice.

After choosing the plain checks, the next design choice was whether or not you want to put a fun or inspirational saying on your checks. I’d never heard of this before, so I spent a few minutes clicking on some of the options and rolling my eyes at how stupid they were. I mean, what kind of nimrod puts a saying on their checks? Does everything need to be customized? Are we, as a society, that narcissistic? I couldn’t believe that anyone would actually do this.

Cut to yesterday when our new checks arrived and my husband immediately pulled them out of the box because he had to write one out to an auto body shop and another one out to the IRS.

About ten seconds after he started writing, his pen suddenly came to a dead halt. Because this is what he saw right above the signature line:

 

Yes, apparently when I was clicking on all of the stupid sayings, I actually selected one. And now “LIVIN’ LARGE AND TAKIN’ CHARGE” is on all of our personal checks. All 250 of our personal checks. Which, I guess, answers the question I asked earlier about what kind of nimrod puts a saying on their checks. Now everyone who gets a payment from us is going to wonder why we suddenly think we’re Hank Williams Jr.

But maybe the poor schlub down at the electric company will enjoy them. Because my husband—well, not so much.

Or at least that’s what I think he’d say if he were talking to me.

Entry Filed under: Uncategorized

84 Comments

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  • 1. Sarah  |  October 16th, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    HI-larious!

  • 2. Stephanie  |  October 16th, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    If that’s the one you picked, I’d LOVE to see the rest!

  • 3. Mirth  |  October 16th, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    I almost choked on my Chipotle, that is just AWESOME! Still giggling.

  • 4. Lisa Rae @ smacksy  |  October 16th, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    I love this. Love.

  • 5. Muffintopmommy  |  October 16th, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    Curious? Were you into the vino when you accidently Hank Williamsed your checking account???? Cuz you should see the awesome stuff I order on Ebay when I’m on the sauce…I should have a breathalyzer lock thingy on my keyboard…….

  • 6. Cheryl  |  October 16th, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    I was laughing and snorting so loud I disturbed my husband’s NASCAR viewing pleasure (my driver was losing badly so I wasn’t paying attention). Made him read it & his first response after a brief grin was, “What are they doing using checks to pay their bills?”

    Aarons, this is obviously payback by the bank for subtly dissing my sport of choice.

  • 7. Tug  |  October 16th, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    Now that’s funny stuff right thar. (said in my best, although awful, Larry the Cable Guy voice)

  • 8. Brittany  |  October 16th, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    So amazing. So freakin’ amazing.

  • 9. Sarah at Julia's Child  |  October 16th, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    OH NO! Tell him at least you didn’t accidentally choose a bible quote or something. You could have 250 checks with psalms on them.

  • 10. Tonya  |  October 16th, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    That is BEYOND awesome!!!
    Can you have them put anything on your checks? I want mine to say something simple and to the point like: “Fuck You.”

  • 11. Anna ~ Random Handprints  |  October 16th, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    I think it’s time for your husband to start online banking.

  • 12. Angie Uncovered  |  October 16th, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    It might be time to get him some thug clothes, a flashier vehicle with kicking sound system, a really blingy gold watch… oh and a grill (for the teeth)! If you’re going to use those checks you have to learn to embrace it! :)

  • 13. Kristen  |  October 16th, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    This was one of those that had me laughing so hard I couldn’t do anything but pass the laptop over to my husband and croak out through my guffaws, “READ!”

  • 14. Karen  |  October 16th, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
    Oh crap, there’s wine coming out my nose…

  • 15. Libby  |  October 16th, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    Do they charge extra for the “g” on the end of the words?

  • 16. tracy@sellabitmum  |  October 16th, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    What’s a check?

    Also – I think you need to personalize his credit card as a Holiday present.

  • 17. Laffin So Hard  |  October 16th, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    Enjoy the silence.

    It will be broken when he discovers that one of those new checks went straight to new wardrobe emblazoned with the same slogan.

    Damn, you will will be lookin’ fine when they arrive!

  • 18. Dena Taylor  |  October 16th, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    Priceless.

  • 19. PilbaraPink  |  October 16th, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    See, in Australia we use internet banking and miss out on all the fun stuff … actually I wonder if you can add a message when you make a payment online. Bill paying could be a whole lot more fun the Wendy Aarons way ;-)

  • 20. Wendy  |  October 17th, 2011 at 1:13 am

    Hilarious! This is one of those times you will look back and laugh, if your husband ever does start speaking to you again.

  • 21. Ri  |  October 17th, 2011 at 1:43 am

    Heh, in South Africa there’s so much cheque fraud you can only use cheques by special arrangement :)

  • 22. Elisa  |  October 17th, 2011 at 1:45 am

    hahaha – that could totally happen to me! Thank goodness noody uses checks in Switzerland :-)

  • 23. Lovelyn  |  October 17th, 2011 at 4:26 am

    That’s fantastic. I’m going to get that put on all my checks.

  • 24. Marinka  |  October 17th, 2011 at 4:59 am

    Please send me a check immediately. Just sign it, I’ll fill in the other stuff later.

  • 25. Becky Rice  |  October 17th, 2011 at 5:23 am

    At least you didn’t pick Living Large; Got No Credit Cards Left to Charge

  • 26. hokgardner  |  October 17th, 2011 at 6:12 am

    Oh dear dog. I just cleared out my sinuses by snorting out hot coffee.

  • 27. The Other Wendi  |  October 17th, 2011 at 6:31 am

    Brilliant choice lady.

  • 28. JP in IL  |  October 17th, 2011 at 6:35 am

    You are so funny!!

    At least you didn’t select “Thanks for last night!”.

  • 29. Kate Coveny Hood  |  October 17th, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Ugh. And with all of the online banking we do now, it will take years to get through all of those checks…

  • 30. Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac  |  October 17th, 2011 at 6:53 am

    Hahahaha! I can’t wait for you to paint that on the back of your RV!

  • 31. Cyn  |  October 17th, 2011 at 7:02 am

    Wendi-
    Forwarding to my husband who not only runs checking accounts for a large bank but also loves Hank Williams Jr.
    Cheers,
    Cyn

  • 32. Wendi  |  October 17th, 2011 at 7:04 am

    I just wrote a check to the PTO. If they didn’t think I weird before, now they will.

  • 33. Diane  |  October 17th, 2011 at 7:14 am

    Even bankers need to have their fun too. Who even writes checks anymore? Can’t remember the last time.

  • 34. spleeness  |  October 17th, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Hahahaha! Freaking hilarious.

  • 35. Bethany  |  October 17th, 2011 at 8:13 am

    OMG – this is SO something I would do! This was hilarrrrrrious.

  • 36. Jaclyn  |  October 17th, 2011 at 8:23 am

    It would be awesome if they let you make up your own sayings… I’d go with something like “I guess my kids aren’t going to eat this week- I hope you’re happy” or maybe “now how will I afford all the hookers and blow?”. Yes. I should write inspirational sayings for checks. I just found my new calling in life.

  • 37. Tammy  |  October 17th, 2011 at 8:40 am

    I’m just glad that I had put my Sprite onto the desk before I read what your signature line was. Still laughing about it. Reminds me of the time a guy in FL got a personalized license plate that read NONE on it…no one could figure out why. When he was finally asked, he said on the form he didn’t want any of those suggestions, and just wanted a plain old license plate, so he wrote NONE on it…they gave him NONE all right!

  • 38. Ann  |  October 17th, 2011 at 9:08 am

    I’m suffering something way worse than penis envy right now.

  • 39. the mama bird diaries  |  October 17th, 2011 at 9:44 am

    that should be required on any and all checks.

  • 40. Alexandra  |  October 17th, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Oh my gosh.

    You make me laugh and spit and guffaw and fart in between like an idiot.

    So dang funny.

  • 41. Nancy Davis Kho  |  October 17th, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Yeah. That’s a good one. Tell him that the more checks he lets you write to Nordstroms, the faster the pain will stop.

  • 42. Paula @ thewilyweez  |  October 17th, 2011 at 10:13 am

    That is awesome! Your husband is most likely jealous that he didn’t think of that first. My husband stopped speaking to me Friday night over me wearing a children’s fireman hat and some hillbilly teeth through the airport.

  • 43. Amy  |  October 17th, 2011 at 10:39 am

    I’m getting that on my new checks on PURPOSE, yo. Awesome.

  • 44. Catherine  |  October 17th, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

    Hahahahahaha.

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

    Too damn funny.

  • 45. The Mommy Therapy  |  October 17th, 2011 at 11:22 am

    I love it!

    I recently had to reorder our checks and I have no clue how I did it, but I ordered the all pink, breast cancer ones that look so over the top girly my husband requires me to do all check writing.

    Maybe there is someone at the banks jacking with the check ordering to amuse all of us?

  • 46. Stacy Q  |  October 17th, 2011 at 11:38 am

    BWAAAHAHAHAAHA!
    And I have been kicking myself because I forgot to order duplicates LIKE I ALWAYS DO. I ended up giving up, I shredded the single copies and ordered the duplicates.
    By the way checks are MUCH cheaper from Costco than from your bank. And there is no option for pithy sayings.

  • 47. Kir  |  October 17th, 2011 at 11:40 am

    OMG, I definately spit water all over this keyboard….and now my husband isn’t going to take to me since he is just got me a brandy new one. Sheesh.

    that is freaking hilarious…

  • 48. Mandy  |  October 17th, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Aw man, too bad you didn’t go with “I’m the room mom, bitches!”

  • 49. Laurie  |  October 17th, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    Hilarious. I love them. However, write checks as often as possible in stores so clerks will see them because there is no schlub at the electric company seeing it. Most of your check payments go whizzing through a machine that reads and processes them automatically at some payment processing center. If you really want the processor to see them, write your checks with a metallic gel pen. It confounds the machinary and the check will have to be manually processed. Those do deserve to be read.

  • 50. Stefani  |  October 17th, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    At least this is not a bumper sticker on your truck. You’ve lived here too long when that happens.

    Hilarious post, my friend.

  • 51. Kyle  |  October 17th, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    That’s awesome – and horrible! I didn’t even know you could put sayings like that on your check. I think you picked a good one. :)

    I guess it’s time to start paying bills online…

  • 52. Rainyday  |  October 17th, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Thanks for the giggle – I needed that!

  • 53. Andi  |  October 17th, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    OMG, I just fell off my chair! Hilarious!

  • 54. Laura @ Casa del Hansen  |  October 17th, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    That is amazingly awesome. :o)

  • 55. The Flying Chalupa  |  October 17th, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    You are so Texas, Wendi. Way to let the clowns who are taking your money know who’s boss.

    I can’t believe you didn’t put “Hook ‘Em.”

  • 56. Joanne  |  October 17th, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    OMG! I still can’t breathe from laughing so hard. My husband has got to read this one!

  • 57. Lady goo goo gaga  |  October 17th, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Omg, I love it!!! You cannot make this stuff up!!!

  • 58. Annie  |  October 17th, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    OMG! Laughing so hard when I read this. Soo funny!

  • 59. Sophie  |  October 18th, 2011 at 1:49 am

    It’s totally not your fault. I’d sue them.

  • 60. Rikki  |  October 18th, 2011 at 11:24 am

    Don’t obsess about it.

    Anyone can screw up. Of course, screwing up 250 times with one stroke is a kind of impressive feat…

  • 61. HerMelness Speaks  |  October 18th, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    Let’s hope the IRS don’t reach the conclusion you are living large as a lady of the night and charging for it. Just saying.

  • 62. Mellowdee  |  October 18th, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    Hahaha! Of all the sayings… Oh man, that cracks! me! up!

  • 63. Courtney  |  October 19th, 2011 at 8:20 am

    This is pretty awesome! I would embrace it and live large and take charge!

  • 64. Kizz  |  October 19th, 2011 at 11:11 am

    Best slip ever.

  • 65. Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him  |  October 19th, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    Writing checks at all is pride swallowing in today’s digital age so I say you write that with as much bravado as you can muster.

    Refill them with “Breakin’ Necks and Cashin’ Checks….”

  • 66. WebSavvyMom  |  October 19th, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    –>I guess it could be worse and it could have ready, “Suckas, we ain’t got no money.”

  • 67. Luna  |  October 19th, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    Haha. If that were on my cheques, it’d be irony.

    I only write them for the condo fees and my kid’s school, so that’d be extra funny.

  • 68. Megan (Best of Fates)  |  October 20th, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Okay, I can’t stop laughing. That’s SUCH a hilarious check – of all the sayings, I can’t believe you accidentally chose that one!

  • 69. dusty earth mother  |  October 20th, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    Oh, I’m in pain! I cannot stop laughing, my husband is looking at me like I’m psycho. Too too perfect.

  • 70. Suniverse  |  October 20th, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    I think that’s going on all my correspondence from now on.

  • 71. Suebob  |  October 21st, 2011 at 8:18 am

    Why can I see myself doing thing? Funny!

  • 72. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah  |  October 21st, 2011 at 8:52 am

    THAT IS AWESOME.

  • 73. ellemck1  |  October 22nd, 2011 at 11:49 am

    I need to check and see if my company offers pithy-saying checks. I need some!

  • 74. Karen Sugarpants  |  October 22nd, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    Hahahaha… that is all kinds of awesome!

  • 75. Saturday Six #80&hellip  |  October 22nd, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    [...] witty writer and her posts always make me laugh. You have to read her post this week titled: “Why my husband’s not talking to me,” it is [...]

  • 76. Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]  |  October 22nd, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    At least it wasn’t “Live. Laugh. Love.”

  • 77. jen  |  October 23rd, 2011 at 4:47 am

    here from Misadventures with Andi. This is so funny, especially since the IRS was getting the check.

  • 78. Ascapecodturns  |  October 23rd, 2011 at 6:01 am

    SO FUNNY!!!! Thinking of this is going to have me cracking up all day :)

  • 79. Leigh Ann  |  October 23rd, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    OMG that is CLASSIC. Well done. By accident.

  • 80. Ilana  |  October 24th, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Now I am super excited to order checks. Is there a “create your own saying” option? If so, I’m using: Living Large Just Like Wendi Aarons.

  • 81. Saturday Six #96&hellip  |  February 25th, 2012 at 11:21 am

    [...] and Wendi Aarons delivers it in spades. Last October Wendi wrote a hilarious post called “why my husband is not talking to me” and this past week was part two of the saga which once again had me in tears. If you need [...]

  • 82. Lady Jennie  |  February 27th, 2012 at 10:12 am

    I followed this post from Andi’s Saturday Six and I am beet red from laughing. Thank you for giving me such a lift. :-)

  • 83. The Grouchy Mom  |  March 1st, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I’m cracking up! Out of all the phrases you could have accidentally picked!

  • 84. Saturday Six #80 - Misadv&hellip  |  April 3rd, 2013 at 9:47 am

    [...] witty writer and her posts always make me laugh. You have to read her post this week titled: “Why my husband’s not talking to me,” it is [...]


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