Picking out a Halloween costume can be tough, especially for modern day, socially conscious women and womyn like us. How many times have you found yourself standing in the Super Halloween Emporium looking at row after row of $40 costumes made out of thin tissue paper and toxic North Korean glue thinking, “Gee, I’d really like to look like a cheap male fantasy, but isn’t there a way I can also promote Female Empowerment?” Well, my friend, hang on to your rhinestone encrusted broomstick, because now the answer is YES!
Yes, ladies, this year you can look both SEXY and SMART on All Hallow’s Eve! Stand up for women’s rights while sportin’ more boobage than an underage Reno, Nevada pole-dancer with daddy issues! This Halloween, look like you’re turnin’ Tricks while you’re actually Treatin’ womankind!
PRESENTING THE HALLO-WOMEEN COSTUME COLLECTION!
Choose from:
Smokin’ Hot Nuclear Physicist
Sexy Ass Social Worker
Leggy Criminal Rights Attorney
The U.S. Secretary of Skank
Bangin’ Body Brenda, the PBS Documentarian
The CEO of Cleavage, Inc.
Dirty Guurll Governor
Trashy Tina the Fulbright Scholar
Horny Human Rights Activist
Barbara Walters
Vicky Vajayjay, PhD
The Brazilian Waxed Welfare Administrator
Slutty Neurologist*
*vibrating stethoscope included
So don’t wait! Get your costume today! And show everyone that women can not only be sexy, but smart, professional and accomplished, too.
Ooooh, scary!
Hahahahahaha!!!!!
Barbara Walters is my favorite!
Barbara Walters? I’d have to shop & that’s just wrong (me shopping).
I actually saw one for a sexy football player. Really? We can’t even be sporty without sporting the sex?
*sigh*
I’m so dressing as the Secretary of Skank. I just have to find my Hilary wig and pantsuit.
In a similar vein, there’s always this:
http://www.spirithalloween.com/product/de-ph-darling-m-l1/
As a Ph D student, that blew my mind in so many ways.
Wendi, are you letting your hair grow or are those extensions?
How did you know what I was planning to wear this year?
Hmmm. Vicky Vajayjay, PHD, the Brazilian Waxed Welfare Administrator seems like a fit for me. I already own a blue chambray shirt and a pair of kakhi Daisy Duke cut offs, not that any of this matters. At age 76 it’s easier to tuck “the girls” into the waistband along with the shirt, and when wearing the kakhi cutoffs as hip huggers, the Vajayjay business is down somewhere in the vicinity of my knees thereby becoming the World’s Longest Bremuda shorts, but all the while the crotch is still flashing the V for Victory like some kind of hormonal Winston Churchill. Actually, the resemblance is remarkable what with the jowly look I seem to have acquired over the past few years. I won’t even have to trim my nose hairs! I always wondered about him anyway. But I’m also considering going Tricking and Treating as Pa-tri-ci-a (pronunciation is everything in the Latin world) Poonaynay, Private Personal Administrator to the President of Meh-i-co. The only costume required for her is an old pair of pasties, a multi-colored sequined G-String that falls through the cracks like a worn out thong, and an I-Pad. I just hate making these kinds of decisions. My grandkids Halloween party is rapidly approaching and I promised I’d be there with bells or something on, and I know they’re looking forward to seeing me in costume, and I truly want to send a message as a Progressive Woman of Today if I can figure out what that means. I’m OLD, remember? Please help me, Wendi!
Horny Human Rights Activist sounds like my kind of thing!
I’m all about the Smokin’ Hot Nuclear Physicist. Thanks for the suggestion, because I was originally going as Ariel (my kids’ idea). Who we all know is a hu-man-hungry ditz with an unflattering (on me, at least) clamshell bra.
My wife and I are going out a Leslie Stahl and Alan Greenspan. That’s a couple to emulate love!
Where’s the Latina Rocket Scientist??
Nancy Grace. I just decided. See how inspiring you are?
I was going to be a witch, fully clothed, but now that I read this list out loud to my husband there is no way he’s going to stop making comments about your significantly more entertaining opions.
Maybe I’ll just go back to my orignial idea of being Lindsay Lohan, also a fantastic representation of empowerment of women. Right?
I almost snorted I laughed so hard at the toxic NOrth Korean glue line!
When did Halloween become an excuse to dress up like a themed stripper? I will be supporting women’s rights by wearing by Halloween T-shirt . . .again. Also, I’m lazy in the costume department.
my toddler son is going as a cat. unfortunately, there only seems to be “girl” cat costumes, so he will be a pink and sparkly cat.
we are making it a mother-son themed costume, and i am going as a crazy cat lady.
oops, make that a SEXY crazy cat lady.
thanks for the inspiration!
Stop giving away all the best costume ideas!
What I’m particularly impressed with is how many choices we have to dress our toddlers like pole dancers all year round. I’m really thankful we don’t have to wait for Halloween to buy our daughters sequined string bikinis in the 12-18 month size. Problem I find is that toddlers are just too fat to look really good in those in clothes, you know? They just don’t look _sexy_ enough with those tummies.
But I looked pretty smoking hot this year in my Vicky Vajayjay, PhD costume and I’m sure my daughter will too in 30 years when she loses that belly fat. Thanks for the inspiration!
The U.S. Secretary of Skank would be tempting, but I’d have to go with Barbara Walters.
Once again, faced with such fascinating choices, I am going to be a Cougar witch in Talbot’s slacks and twin-set giving the chocolate I won’t eat to the kiddies and using my cane on importunate teens.
Then I’ll give the boy-toy HIS treat.
I have it on good authority (http://drgrumpyinthehouse.blogspot.com/2011/03/secrets-of-jedi-masters.html) that the Slutty Neurologist should have a vibrating reflex hammer, not a stethoscope. Or maybe both. Just sayin’
Me, I thought of going as Kathy Bates in saran wrap, but even I couldn’t justify the expense of the amount of plastic wrap it would take to cover my poppin’ fresh dough.
Barbara freakin’ Walters. Now that IS scary.
Your lists are awesome, Wendi.
Tonight, I think I’m going to go for the Trashy PREGNANT Fulbright Scholar, whaddya think?
I’m a Horny Human Rights Activist.
I activate the rights of humans to be horny.
I was disappointed to see that the Certified Pubic Accountant costume didn’t make your collection. Perhaps next year?