“HEIDI MONTAG CLAIMS SHE WORKS OUT 14 HOURS A DAY!”
And Wendi claims she doesn’t f*&@ing give a shit.
Because guess what? After reading that particular Heidi Montag headline not once, but three times yesterday in various places, I’m done. I’m done with letting my head be filled with inane crap about people I wouldn’t even cross the street to slap in the face.
I’m done reading “Entertainment” headlines on major websites when the news is almost always about morons like Heidi, the Kardashians, Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston and Crystal Harris. All of whom make Paris Hilton look as deserving of attention as Mother Teresa.
I’m done being outraged over the Teen Mom phenomenon, which not only glorifies their situations by landing the girls on magazine covers, but exploits them in a way I find completely reprehensible. Divorce, rehab, suicide attempts—whatever keeps you in the news!
I’m done losing vital parts of my memory in order to make room for the knowledge that “celebs” like Gary Shirley had a cookout at his house last night. I’ve never even watched Teen Mom, yet that news popped up ten seconds after I turned on my computer the other day, so now I know it. I mean, WTF? This is what passes for a TV star now? At least I had Tom Selleck to watch when I was a kid.
I’m done following celeb magazines on Twitter so I no longer have to read nauseating sentences like, “Lauren Conrad is the Lucille Ball of reality TV!” I mean, really? Was there a lot of classic physical comedy on The Hills? Is Audrina Partridge our new Vivian Vance?
I’m done watching every single one of the Real Housewives shows. What used to be a guilty pleasure is now just an hour of periomenopausal women screaming at each other about their imagined slights while their huge fake boobs quiver wildly. And God knows I get enough of that at the Panera Bread down the block.
I’m done subscribing to USWeekly because it’s not worth $60 a year to find out what kind of lip gloss Rachel Bilson can’t live without.
I’m done going to the “New Releases” section of my library and only finding books by Jesse James, Gwyneth Paltrow, Dog the Bounty Hunter and some woman from Dancing with the Stars who I’m sure is an excellent writer when she’s not busy teaching Lil Bow Wow the Cha-Cha. Why are they even taking up shelf space when everybody’s too embarrassed to check them out?
But mostly, I’m done with TV shows that don’t use real writers, real stories, a plot, a script and trained actors. No more Parking Wars, Cupcake Wars, Bridezillas, My Strange Addiction, Hoarders, or dumbasses who either didn’t fucking know they were pregnant or can’t stop having kids. I’d rather rewatch The Mary Tyler Moore Show all summer long than be subjected to one more rose ceremony starring a Bachelorette and her nasty hair extensions.
Yes, I know I’m in my 40’s. I know I’m not the target market for most or any of this stuff and that I can choose what I want and don’t want to see. But seriously—the pseudo-celeb news has become so pervasive that it’s hard to escape. On the Huffington Post’s home page right now: “Bristol Palin Lost Virginity While Drunk.” On Fox News’ home page right now: “Hefner’s Rebound Bunny.” And what’s currently up at ABCNews’ website? “Heidi Montag’s Extreme Exercise Regime.” There she is in her peach bikini—right above the much less important stories on politics, terrorism and global warming. Well done, ABC. Well done.
Of course, I’m sure my boycotting of these things won’t affect the media in the slightest. I’m just one person and there are millions out there who are dying to find out about Kim Kardashian’s wedding shower or Mariah Carey’s diaper choices or JLo’s most recent sex tape scandal. That’s fine. But personally, I just can’t take any more of this constant, soul-killing noise, which means I’ll probably be stuck with PBS, NPR and the classic literature section of the library from now on. And can those outlets be a bit dry, a bit boring and totally unsexy compared to everything else that’s out there? Sure.
But that’s a reality I can live with.
Thank God for Netflix. Seriously. Great rant. Also “Great rant” is the dumbest sentence I’ve ever written.
well said. our popular culture is completely wretched and inexcusable. and the news world should be ashamed for propagating it.
as someone with a degree in journalism, I did my thesis on this very topic. Forty pages and I still feel like I didn’t accurately communicate anything.
I feel like joining your witty army of the often enraged and sometimes deranged.
(but can I still watch “Hoarders”? so ashamed.)
Amen and sing it sister.
But I refuse to give up My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and Summer Wipeout.
But the rest of that stuff – the magazines and “headlines” – I can do without.
How about some moderation? People followed by longform.org?
I prefer to spend my time reading comedy writers from Austin.
🙂
No seriously. I totally agree! One day, I was listening to the radio and I heard some inane pop song and decided I couldn’t take it anymore. So I flipped on NPR and that was that.
Honey, as a woman in your 40’s you ARE the target demographic. It’s pretty much women 18-40-something that they’re marketing to. And I totally get you. I watched so much of that stuff and finally got to the point where I realized it was excessive and pointless. How many hours was I wasting watching other people be dumb and following often-mean-spirited gossip?
I cleared a lot of my RSS reader list to get rid of the negative and the time-wasting, and I replaced my evening TV time with BBC’s Top Gear on Netflix and DVDs of Hogan’s Heroes (from the late 60’s).
Dammit, now you’ve got me ruminating. I’ve been meaning to write a post about this sort of thing for the last month or two and I might have to actually concentrate for a few minutes and write it, instead of looking at pictures of cats all day.
Oh my god, that sounded like you were living in my head. As a screenwriter, I already have a grievance against Reality TV (which isn’t reality at all and it’s frightening that people actually think that what they’re seeing is like a documentary, rather than a carefully manipulated and edited product — people are fucking stupid) for not only putting so many talented people out of work, but for targeting the lowest common denominator and putting out a cheap, insulting product.
That said — you are totally right about ALL OF IT. And the worst part is that this celeb news is such a mindfuck for younger people; it makes them think that acting like an idiot will reward you with glory, press coverage, and your own tv show. These shows reward moronic behavior and that’s created a really fucked up culture that’s even managing to reach kids under the age of 10. It’s more than depressing and annoying. I honestly believe it’s damaging.
I don’t care if I sound like a crusty old lady — our culture needs a bitchslap so we can stop embarrassing ourselves.
Well said, woman.
Can I get a witness!?!? I mean, hell to the yea! I am so with you on this crap. I use to read Perez Hilton and I’m ashamed to admit it was my first blog I read and commented on… sad, indeed.
Once you realize there is so much more to life than what everyone else is doing (including the silicon SAHM that live down the block and those bloggers who “write” about every move they make), you become much more enlightened. So that makes you the new Deepak Chopra in my book. Continue to enlighten, Swami.
A.F*ing.MEN!
I’ve been living for the year in Newport Beach wishing the year away to move to VA (3.5 weeks and counting!). Because my neighbors? Exactly like these celebs … Seriously – my very first day hanging out with them I learned all about cosmetic surgery – and that if you’re married more than 10 years that CA is a 50/50 state.
I couldn’t agree with you more (even though I totally found myself clicking on the Bristol Palin story, dammit). I’ve boycotted reality shows from the get go, and I feel great about it. I just can’t take it — the fake reality, the inane, overblown confrontations, the utter ridiculousness of it all. I have enough funny shows to watch and interesting fiction and news to read that I don’t feel like I’m missing a thing by tuning that shit out.
ohemgee…SO with you on this. All those quote “reality” shows do nothing but make people feel like they need more drama in their life. And nobody ever needs that.
Does this mean you’re NOT going to be on The Amazing Race?
re: summer books, may I recommend “His Excellency: George Washington” by Joseph J. Ellis? It has substance PLUS all those elements that got you hooked on those garbage-y shows to begin with: wigs, battles, romance, intrigue, social climbing, betrayal, gossip, etc…
You go, girl! Need some links to good time-consuming brain-wrenching websites?
It doesn’t change anything out in the world. It changes how you feel about the world a bit at least. I stopped buying magazines about three years ago. I stopped reading celeb crap online. I only follow a handful of celebs and they are very low on the celeb list.
It make my life seem better to not read that crap. I don’t watch it on TV either. No housewives, bachelor or any of it. I just decided to not care.
How about that stupid Amber Rose on Huffington Post every week? She is famous for boinking Kanye West, whose asshat is so big it should be in the Guinness book of world records (or something).
Thank goodness I found this gem through a tweet.
Will read some of your other posts now.
I’ve never watched any reality TV, read celeb magazines, been dragged into the rag mags, and network TV pretty much bites. It just never appealed to me AND I’ve felt like I’m a pariah for not understanding most of the references I see from adults on Twitter and FB, etc. Pop culture isn’t culture at all.
I stumbled onto blogging as an outlet and soon felt overwhelmed by POP and SCANDAL. Thankfully I stumbled across a group of folks who are literate, funny, honest, and down-to-earth.
You, sweet thang, are the salt of the earth. If you’d like a thrill, try reading some Lee Childs. Start at the beginning of his Jack Reacher series and hold on for the ride. The best part of reading is I can imagine the lead male characters naked all. day. long.
What took you so long?
Thank you! My sentiments exactly!
My sentiments exactly, only you said it so much better than I ever could.
I LOVE your blog. Thanks for making my day.
Love it! I stopped watching trash tv and buying magazines a couple of years ago – and I find I don’t miss it one bit. In fact, I’ve never heard of several of the people in your post, that’s how out of it I am! And I’m TOTALLY okay with that!
Really awesome post Wendi!
Thank you thank you thank you. These “reality” people are so not what I want to watch.
Thank goodness for Redbox. and the library
yes, this happened to me a couple of years ago – right about the time I turned 40, I think. The turning point for me was how toxic Perez Hilton’s web site had become. I was all, “I don’t care if he does break celeb stories; I can’t take this anymore.” I’ve never watched a bachelor or real housewives show. And you know what? I’ve totally got along JUST FINE without it.
I guess it is Masterpiece Theater for you. I’ll admit, my mother turned me onto it, and it is pretty good.
Life without My Big Redneck Wedding? Say it ain’t so Wendi.
Of course, after reading a copy of InTouch while delayed at the airport yesterday, I wanted to scrub my eyes with bleach.
Rawr! I’m with you. Something happened to me a few months ago. It was like the bottom fell out of what used to be fun about trashy pop culture. Maybe I reached my limit? Or things are getting worse? I’ve stepped back and been very happy about it. Well, I did want the After the Rose thingy a while back. But by and large, it’s been creeping me out. I love the way you lay it down!
Also–I think I artificially extended (like so many horse hair extentions) my watching because it was fun to tear it about with witty folks on Twitter. Maybe we need MTM viewing parties or something to fill the laughing together part. #mrgrant
That was excellent. I totally agree with you 100%. At least I did until I ran across the part about Tom Selleck. Then I just thought Tooooooommmmmmmmm Seeeeeeellllleeeeckkkk….
My favorite quote about a reality person was when Jon Gosselin was quoted as saying “I’m a celebrity, that’s just my life from now on.”
DEAR GOD SOMEONE KILL HIM.
i have also had about enough celebrity culture now that i am on the cusp of 40 as well. but i still have a soft spot in my heart for rhony and rhonj, i don’t want to get extremist in my reality tv boycotting.
i remember quoting some celebrity thing to my mom a couple years back and she looked at me blankly and i asked, “don’t you ever watch the news?” and she replied, “i think we might have different news sources.”
I hear you sista! As someone who recently gave up cable and has spent any down time watching Cheers, I can tell you I’m much happier! And so are my neighbors since now I remember to wear pants when I go outside!
Also, 14 hours a day? Wouldn’t she die from that?
Great. Now I’m going to forget my pants…thanks, Wendi.
I love you when you’re on fire. But we still like Bieber right?
Yay! Thank you. Sometimes I worry that someone who is supposed to be writing popular novels for a living shouldn’t be as ignorant about this latest wave of reality celebs as I am. But filling my own head with crap does not lend itself to finishing novels. I gave away my television 2 years ago, and life is still pretty darned good.
xo. Much to which I say, “Hell yeah,” here. Now, excuse me, The Bachlorette is on in ten minutes. (We are discussing the trashification of our culture here, Wendi, not hypocrisy.)
“This is what passes for a TV star now? At least I had Tom Selleck to watch when I was a kid.” Oh yeah. I wholeheartedly agree.
It’s crazy — I don’t even have cable and I still know who some of these people are — that’s how saturated celebrity has become.
You got me all fired up over here! I so agree with you, but am not sure I can pull away from The First 48. Does this count? I am in complete agreement that classic literature should replace trashy magazines. You will appreciate that my SIX-YEAR-OLD loves touring historical homes with me. Loves it. He likes to play tour guide in our own house where he says the computer is 1,000 years old and the Star Wars figurines were used by a little boy in “1818 hundred years ago”. Well, maybe you don’t appreciate it, but…I thought you might. 🙂
I wish you were here right now.
I read these headlines to my sisters with my Forrest Gump voice.
“Stooopid is as stooopid does and so that’s why Heidi Montag exercised for 14 hrs, Jenny.”
“Jenny, did you hear what I said? ALso, Jenny… I’ve been drinkin’, Jenny…”
So true, Wendy, so true. No wonder kids these days (did I really just say that?) are so messed up! These “reality” stars are today’s kids’ idols instead of people who exemplify honor, values and normalcy. Bring back Father Knows Best, Happy Days, and oh yea, Magnum, P.I. 🙂
What you said!!!
You’re my new girl crush. Because of this post.
Word!
I haven’t had a TV since 1987… No, i don’t feel in the least deprived…
Is this PMS talking? Asking for a friend who is currently hating Rachel from Real World 2 who is ten years older than me and has six kids and her husband is a congressman and she still looks like she’s 20. I can’t even believe I’m still friends with said person.
Welcome to my world. Unless it is on Netflix and has subtitles, I am not interested.
It’s a very sad state of affairs. Even the southern tip of Africa is saturated with this sh!t. There is no escape!
Wendi, you said it all and you said it better than anyone else could! Good for you. You go, girl.
It’s funny that you mention demographics. Doesn’t anyone in “Reality Land” realize that women over 40 are the largest demographic in America, that we control most of the consumer spending (being moms and heads of households and such)???
So the clear and obvious choice is to sign off and avoid not only all such crap-generating babble, but to avoid buying products that sponsor such brain rotting excrement.
Reality TV? That’s a good one. And our culture has been drinking that Kool Aid for quite a few years now.
“I’m done with letting my head be filled with inane crap about people I wouldn’t even cross the street to slap in the face.”
Bril-liant line. Brillzy. That is quotable! But if I’m heard quoting it, will you SEE that quote attributed to you when I’m all written up in Peep and US? BC I’m all glitz and glam? Oh, and I prefer the lip gloss from Costco, natch.
Amen. Great rant. I completely agree.