Two New Pencils and a Microphone

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39 comments on this post.
  1. Libby:

    Any time they “open the floor” at events like that I pray someone like you will talk so I don’t want to shove a pencil in my eye.

    Now I know why they don’t… I’m still not happy about it though.

  2. knittergran:

    Even though he knows you well, apparently, it’s a sweet story.

  3. Kizz:

    Smart kid. Just like his mom.

  4. hokgardner:

    I would have paid good money to see you stand up.

    And I would die if our school ever did something like that. I wouldn’t be able to bear listening to all the parents raving about how “special” their future JuVee hall resident is.

  5. Cheryl:

    So glad I decided to drop in today. Sumbitch, woman, that’s some good Texas bull.

  6. Ilana:

    It’s a good thing your child is a bunch of years older than mine otherwise I fear we’d be in fierce competition come election time. Didn’t you know? I’ve got a future president too.

  7. Elise:

    As a Jersey mom, I completely agree they would NEVER open mic at one of my kids’ school functions. NEVER. Or else. Seriously, do you watch the RHONJ??? Those crazies mean business and I don’t mean the legal kind. That’s why I hide away in my house all day talking to people who live nowhere near me. Isn’t that why God invented the Twitter?

    I think Texas must be a safer place to live than NJ. Must talk to the husband about that move…

  8. Suzy:

    I know times are bleak but seriously, a PENCIL?

    Is this a Depression Era school?
    Does a Bic pen cost $24.00?
    Is this thing on?

  9. Suzy:

    I am very high on Dental Vicodin so ignore me totally.

  10. Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac:

    Awards to the B average kids? This whole Every Kids a Winner thing is getting out of hand.

    Related…recently my 8yo asked me if I ever got a grade less than a B, and I told her about the D I got in “Math for Liberal Arts Majors” my freshman year of college. And how I gladly took that grade and ran. She cried for me. The poor child was traumatized.

    God help us if there aren’t enough pencil awards to go around for her generation!

  11. Alexandra:


    How could you resist????

  12. Stasha:

    You made Sam proud. What is with the pencils? Did they have a school logo on? Or made of gold?

  13. The Mommy Therapy:

    Sounds like he’s good in school, and pretty good at reading his mother. :)

  14. Jill:

    An open mic at the end? Thank gawd they didn’t have that way back when I was in school. My mother was QUEEN of the embarrassing speeches. She probably would have gone straight up there and talked about my period … or my large boobs.

    You’re a good mom!

  15. Alison@Mama Wants This:

    I hear office supplies are now being locked up in most places, so I count Sam lucky as the owner of 2 new pencils.

    You would have rocked the open mic session.

  16. Diane:

    Our school would never be brave enough to open the mic – too many chatty moms would love to have the floor. Hope you have a fantastic summer! Looking forward to Wendi’s wisdom for surviving with 4 kids and no camps. Maybe a punch card at Twin Liquors?

  17. Kristin:

    That is daring on the part of the school, and bravo for starting your “office supplies museum” early. We have (unsharpened) pencils for every occasion around here. I’m thinking about offering them as prizes at our block party. But then we’d have a long summer of ding-dong-ditch at our door.

  18. Becky:

    Way to go Sam! And I say that, more for knowing your mommy better than anyone else, and not for starting to develop your hoarding condition with all those pencil awards.

  19. Bejewell:

    Disappointed in you, Wendi. Very disappointed.

  20. the mama bird diaries:

    What is up with all the pencils? What am I supposed to do – spend a day sharpening them all and then hand them to my kids? Look girls – they come in no colors, no scent and well – just toss them in the trash.

  21. Steph:

    Didn’t think kids were embarrassed around their parents until they were older. I guess Sam is quite advanced. You should have taken the mike though:)

  22. annie:

    Are your children related to mine?

  23. Nancy Davis Kho:

    Just tell Sam you’re happy not to do the open mic in elementary school, because you’re saving up all your best material for open mic at COLLEGE GRADUATION. Because that wouldn’t scar him for life, or anything.

    BTW, yes, we do all think of you as a person who would grab the mic and belch just to get the laugh. Why else are we reading you?

  24. sandra:

    This was the BEST story ever!! Yea to Sammy for his awards!! I wish I could have been there to see him mouth DON’T MOMMY!! Classic!!

  25. Kelley:

    So funny! I am on my way to my son’s awards ceremony. HE BETTER GET A FRICKIN’ PENCIL!!

  26. Suniverse:

    I think it’s because they all know you’re the Fun Mom. Which is why Sam had ZERO INTEREST in you joining in line.

    Kids just think Fun Mom = Embarrassing Mom. They’re not that good at math.

  27. Tonya:

    Pencils? Can’t those be used as weapons? Is that really appropriate to a give a child? Even one as gifted and talented as your (or should I say especially one of yours?)
    I’m disappointed you didn’t beat box and rap.

  28. Former Austinite:

    This is a gem. Pencils? Seriously? I know that the schools have taken hits but couldn’t they have printed out something to give the kids? A small amount of paper is cheaper than pencils and you know they buy in bulk.

  29. Sue:

    Pencils as awards, because we’re hoping that someone-anyone-will show up with a pencil. Seriously, I am the only one who buys pencils. I’m the teacher.

  30. dusty earth mother:

    Elvis is dead?? The least you could have done was say “spoiler alert”. Man.

  31. Brittany:

    So hilarious, Wendi!

  32. Holly:


    Now there’s a thought, that the kids are the ones who know a mother best. Hmm….

  33. Invader_Stu:

    If you did do it I so would have wanted to see a youtube of that speech.

  34. Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him:

    That is classic. I love it. And I mostly love how your husband called exactly what I think you’d do at a real open mic night.

    Hey – I want you called in with Edwards for violating campaign finance law. WOMB FUNDRAISING IS AGAINST THE LAW. Unless you were wearing a belly band, and then you earned every penny.

  35. The Flying Chalupa:

    Effortlessly chic. I love it. Sounds like me.

    The obvious answer to the open mic conundrum is to go drunk next year, Wendi. And then just have at ‘em. I’ll fly in for it.

    No pencils. I’ll bring you a Sharpie. For the graffiti we’ll do afterwards.

  36. Ann:

    I went through a fuss to get the boys to the last few minutes of LTYM so they could see “what Mommy does.” As I went to approach them in the lobby, beaming with pride, I came upon to sullen boys each of whom greeted me with–well actually looked right past me and at the concessions with:

    “I. WANT. A. TREAT.”

  37. Anna:

    i hope you are working on a full song-and-dance number for the fourth grade awards ceremony!

  38. Sophie:

    That’s alright. Whatever they don’t want you doing in front of the school staff and students, you can do in the privacy of the internets.

  39. TracyB:

    Girl, you’ve still got it. I have missed your writing. Thanks!

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