Someone recently told me that a good way to make money on your blog is by courting advertisers via sneaked mentions of them in your posts. To a purist like myself, this is completely unbelievable. After all, I’m a writer with standards, not a shill for The Man. Not a stupid slogan monkey. All you have in this life is your integrity, and I fully intend to keep mine.
That’s why when I was surfing the net on my (truly amazing and futuristic) iPad™ from Apple© and came across a blog that mentioned a product no less than five times, I was appalled. Five freakin’ times? I tell you, I almost fell out of my Office Max® chair and choked on my curiously strong Altoid™ mint when I saw that. Thank God I had a bottle of refreshing Smartwater® to wash it down or I probably would have died. And then who would have unloaded my incredibly efficient Kenmore™ dishwasher? My friends from MerryMaids™? My oh-my-God-is-there-anything-it-can’t-do!? Roomba®? It was a scary, scary moment.
Of course, I’m all for making money on my blog—as evidenced by the $2.50 I brought in last year—but there is just no way I’d ever assault my readers with subtle product placement. And I mean that from the bottom of my Nike™ Mercurial Vapor Superfly III FG Men’s Soccer Cleats #4 to the top of my Miss Clairol Nice ‘n Easy Root Touch-Up© highlights! You will never, ever see unwanted advertising here, my friends. I swear that on the stack of well-priced, top quality bibles I just conveniently and easily purchased at ChristianBooks.com. (“Good God, Will You Look at These Low Prices?”)
Believe me, I know the reason all three of my readers keep coming back week after week is because I’m honest with them. I never pretend that I’m a global superstar like Def Jam recording artist Rihanna whose new album is available for immediate download on iTunes© starting Thursday. Nor do I ever act like I’m too big for my Banana Republic Spring Collection® britches. I’m simply myself in a very SimpleGreen All-Purpose Cleaner© kind of way. Yes, I’m both safe and effective on multi-surfaces and leave no lasting residue. And that’s the reason I can hold my head up high.
So to those of you who tell me I need to sell out or that I should build my brand, I say stuff it like a stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut™, you jackasses. Because I know who I am, I know where I’m going and I know just how I’m going to get there.
Thanks to Expedia.com, of course.
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Love it!
The laughing is making it hard for me to finish eating all these chocolate eggs!
Hooray! An anthem for bloggers everywhere.
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Ugh, I’m totally rolling my L’Oreal-enhanced eyelids while I take a sip from my Starbucks!
We all have our price. Sometimes it’s a Restaurant, sometimes it’s a Singer.
‘O Sole Mio.
But then, I am a cynic and curmudgeon.
Too funny.
I’ve given up on purity since Heroes (may it rest in peace) did the not-so-subtle placement of the Nissan Rogue. “Dad!? Really? I can have the ROGUE? Thank you, Dad! I love you!”
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Can’t recall ever laughing so hard over something online. Love how you started out sane … and then your story was your writing.
I also learned from you, that you can make analogies between people & things which I’ve not learned how to do …
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I can’t wait to make enough money from advertising to buy myself half a coffee. You’re so lucky!
I love pretty much everything you write, but this is a particular favorite.