Wendi Aarons is completely unqualified to hold any job that requires leaving the house and wearing big people clothes.
Wendi Aarons has received campaign contributions from known PTO bake sale embezzlers.
Wendi Aarons thinks the word “deficit” is pronounced “dee-fish-uht.”
Wendi Aarons is not a witch, but comes pretty close to acting like one at least once a month.
Wendi Aarons lied about winning the Purple Heart in WWII and probably didn’t actually kill Hitler with her “mad Tae Bo skillz.”
Wendi Aarons plans on naming Charlie Sheen the “Ambassador of Bad Ass” if elected.
Wendi Aarons wears red suits and glasses because she thinks they make her look smart, but they really just make her look like she’s a wanker with a Talbot’s charge card.
Wendi Aarons thinks the Dept. of Education should be abolished and replaced by the Dept. of “Street Smarts.”
Wendi Aarons thinks the Dept. of Justice should be also be abolished and replaced by the Dept. of Walker, Texas Ranger.
Wendi Aarons thinks she thinks a little too often about Chuck Norris.
Wendi Aarons is so fiscally irresponsible that she once paid a male stripper 10 bucks to put his clothes back on.
Wendi Aarons refuses to post her birth certificate on the internet because then everyone will know she hasn’t actually been 23-years-old for the past 20 years.
Wendi Aarons is such a secret Muslim that she herself doesn’t even know she’s a secret Muslim, so don’t tell her she’s a secret Muslim because it’s a secret.
Wendi Aarons is a card carrying member of known radical group The Barry Manilow International Fan Club (BMIFC) and should therefore be considered a threat to our national security.
Wendi Aarons knows where Osama Bin Laden’s hiding, but won’t tell anyone until the FBI makes Chilis start offering free drink refills again.
Wendi Aarons isn’t even sure what office she’s running for, exactly, but she really hopes it comes with free Wi-Fi, a Foosball table and a wine budget.
Wendi Aarons’ only campaign promise is that she’ll get mani/pedis once a week on the taxpayer’s dime.
For the love of God, people, DO NOT vote for Wendi Aarons.
This has been a paid political ad by the Committee to Not Elect Wendi Aarons.
(And here’s why you shouldn’t have voted for me in 2008. You didn’t, did you?)
I’m so voting for you.
Life is short. There’s a spot open here locally for Sheriff of the whole dang county. Your my write-in vote for that office this year. Don’t know the wanker who’s been in office for the past 60 years but I think he needs to retire. Besides, BMIFC in my backyard! Wowzer!
I’m totally voting for you and I’m not even in your district. All politicians are the same, they just lie about it up front. You however, have been completely honest and therefore we need to elect you to something.
I’m confused. The title is reasons why I should not vote for Wendi Aarons but all this did was made me want to vote for her. I did not even know until reading this that she was in the running but she has my vote now.
Dear Wendi, I will always vote for someone who believes in the Dept of Walker, Texas Ranger. Sorry hon.
I am confused, does this mean Chuck Norris, dressed as Walker, Texas Ranger will be doing your mani/pedi, managing your free Wifi and pouring wine?
Again, yet another slight to the belly button waisted pant wearing comb-over reverse mullet crowd. tsk tsk tsk…
PS: your Crossing Guard gave me a flyer and told me how to write in your name.
I’m a little sadden by the fact you didn’t include your campaign theme song with video included.
Wendi Aarons definitely inhaled.
(With a Talbots Charge Card…brilliant).
I think your Maori crossing guard should be your campaign manager.
Hold the phone. No free refills at Chili’s? You just won my vote.
Thank you for blogging this instead of calling with a recorded message.
I am writing you in for Governor of Illinois. My guess is you’ll win. Can’t wait for you to move here!
I’m so voting for you, I wish to also lick some envelopes, or something. Where do I sign up?
I’m totally voting for you anyway, because I am a contrarian. Also because I love you madly. You are always entertaining.
I would follow you into any restaurant and back.
Re: 2008 post…G-Phi-B! Me, too! Now I HAVE to vote for you, don’t I? Isn’t that in the super-secret sorority code?
I’m not voting for you because you eat at Chili’s…totally gross!
What is this travesty of justice involving Chili’s getting rid of free drink refills?
Talbot’s wankers should be eliminated.
Enjoy all of the random traffic this post is going to generate for referencing Muslims, Charlie Sheen and bin laden. 🙂
Anyone who has “mad tae-bo skillz” has got my vote.
If you had said Chico’s charge card , I would have been all in. Sigh. We’ll see you on the post-election party circuit tonight. I’ll be the one not carrying a man-sized hammer – er – I mean gavel.
And yet you’re still the most qualified candidate. You’ve got my absentee ballot 😀
I vote for funny every time so this time you are the winner!
best one yet!
I’m sorry but those are actually ALL the qualities I’m looking for in an elected official. You’ve got my vote whether you want it or not damnit!
I have no problem with the wine budget or the mani/pedi weekly, but I draw the line at foosball.
I’m so voting for you because you have 2 of my best qualities….Thinking about Chuck Norris and the Dept. of Walker, Texas Ranger! Oh yeah, and the dressing up in big people’s clothes….I haven’t done that in quite some time, 5 years to be exact! Give me jeans, tanks tops or sweatshirts and I’m a happy camper, so looks like you’ll have to run! We’re voting for you anyhow, whatever postion is available!
For all of the reasons above, I am SO voting for you. A card carrying member of Barry Manilow’s fan club sealed the deal!! Would you make everyone play “Oh Mandy” at 7pm every day?
Bwwwahhahhahhaha!
Dying over here.
“…a wanker with a charge card to Talbot’s.”
Please tell me you drink copious amounts of alcoholic beverages, or at least smoke the pots and the pans, before you sit down to write, because if you’re naturally this hilarious without altered states? Then I’m just shutting off the computer and walking away…I can’t touch this (MC Hammer pants on or not..)
LOVED all of this, just all of it.
I don’t know what I”d do without my funny ladies *snif* I love you guys.
My fav is definitely,
“Wendi Aarons is such a secret Muslim that she herself doesn’t even know she’s a secret Muslim, so don’t tell her she’s a secret Muslim because it’s a secret.”
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Good Day, Reg People and Good Day, Reg People, Wendi Aarons. Wendi Aarons said: This election day, DO NOT vote for me. New post: http://tinyurl.com/2aut59g […]
I’m unfortunately stone cold sober when I write this stuff, so it must be a mental health problem.
Wendi for President.
Because I can’t wait to have a president who uses an “i” at the end of his/her name, so I can put a heart over it on the campaign signs.
So ah, should I take my yard sign down?
wine budget? how do I contribute??
Well slap my ass and color me a rainbow, I should have read this BEFORE voting! DAMMIT!
Dang it, I saw this about 4 hours too late. Shoot.
Um, if you win, can I have some wine?
Libby Mitchell is running for Governor of Maine. Not this Libby Mitchell though. That would be awful. I would change the name of the state to America’s thumb.
I’m with MommaKiss…already voted, and damn sure I wrote you in. Well, if elected I hope you get the WiFi and the wine budget, and please don’t be a wanker with a Talbot’s card. Please.
Hilarious!! I was SOOOOO going to vote for Wendi Aarons until I saw this mess!! BTW, I’m so glad you stopped by my blog to read The Flying Chalupa’s post about Christmas card titles (and, YES, “Diaper Diaries” is still available), otherwise…I wouldn’t have found your hilarious blog! I’m your newest Kool-Aid drinker.
I think, due to our new and confusing “ranked choice voter” game here in Oakland, you are now mayor. Sorry.
Can’t wait to hear Barry at your inaugural!
I’m voting for you for President and Tim Riggins for VP.
Dammit and we wound up with Tricky Ricky again. WENDY would have been historic.
Finally, someone who feels as strongly about street smarts as I do.
Just tweeted this. One of your absolute funniest, Wendi.
Vote YES for Wendi! Vote YES for free refills!
[…] [5] Even if you don’t watch a lot of TV (like me) it was impossible to miss that it was election week! So whether you are happy or unhappy about the results, you might need a little humor. And that is exactly what Wendi Aarons can deliver, and did deliver in her hilarious post this week, “do not vote for Wendi Aarons.” […]
I voted the Fanilow party last Tuesday. Here’s to more glitter, feathers and Talbots-wearing wankers in elected office!
[…] [5] Even if you don’t watch a lot of TV (like me) it was impossible to miss that it was election week! So whether you are happy or unhappy about the results, you might need a little humor. And that is exactly what Wendi Aarons can deliver, and did deliver in her hilarious post this week, “do not vote for Wendi Aarons.” […]