Rejected Names for Mattress Stores
September 13th, 2010
Benny’s Bed Bugz
Pillow Tops 4 Muffin Tops
CSI: Mattressland
Mattresses By Mussolini
Cheap Used Queens
Apnea City
Sleeps With The Fishes
The Mattress Mambo
Burning Beds and Beyond
Sleepers Creepers
Dorm Room Direct
The Night Stalker
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
33 Comments
Add your own1. Marinka | September 13th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
I’m not sure that I’ll be able to stop laughing about Burning Beds and Beyond! Also, my entire body itches now.
2. Issa | September 13th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
CSI: Mattressland..hehehehe. Oh I’m never sleeping again. But this was dam funny.
3. still in therapy | September 13th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
My mother? Would buy mattresses at garage sales when I was a kid. Some were better than others…I will be grossed out for awhile.
4. the mama bird diaries | September 13th, 2010 at 3:42 pm
Pillow Tops 4 Muffin Tops? How do you think of this stuff. Hilarious.
5. A Mom on Spin | September 13th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
How about “Sleeping Cooties”????
6. Cindy S | September 13th, 2010 at 4:32 pm
You are one crazy bee-yatch. I love you.
7. Lisa Rae @smacksy | September 13th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
Cheap Used Queens made my night.
As usual.
8. Jill | September 13th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
I’m actually in the market for a mattress … and now I’m all wiggy. Hilarious.
9. By Word of Mouth | September 13th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Was going to go to bed, but now think I may just stay here!
10. Megan | September 13th, 2010 at 10:04 pm
very clever – you’re hilarious!
11. Sophie@Fabrications | September 14th, 2010 at 5:05 am
I like Pillow Tops 4 Muffin Tops.
Are you going into mattress retail now?
12. Diane | September 14th, 2010 at 5:39 am
You made my muffin tops jiggle with the belly laugh over those. Great way to start the day! Thanks!
13. Cassie | September 14th, 2010 at 6:03 am
Does “Cheap Used Queens” come with a Cher wig and 9 inch platforms?
14. The Flying Chalupa | September 14th, 2010 at 9:40 am
Sounds like you slept on some GREAT mattresses in NYC! Also, I swear I’ve seen stores by those names when I lived in Queens.
15. Heather, Queen of Shake Shake | September 14th, 2010 at 9:57 am
I’d actually shop some of those stores, if they existed. Not sure what that says about me.
16. WA | September 14th, 2010 at 10:03 am
Marinka tells me the red bites on my legs are “NYC Luv Bites.”
17. Candy | September 14th, 2010 at 11:27 am
Freddie Krueger-ville?
But really, Cheap Used Queens is about the funniest thing I have ever seen.
18. KLZ | September 14th, 2010 at 11:38 am
Oh good, Lay Down Sally hasn’t been taken.
19. ann's rants | September 14th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
Night Rider:
Take the Hasselhoff out of mattress shopping!
(GROANER FOUL)
20. Patty | September 14th, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Ah, The Night Stalker. Who could forget?
How about Sleepin’ Smackdown?
21. Julie | September 14th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
MWF seeks pillow top 4 muffin top for occasional nights of slumber and select nights of frolic. Bed bugs need not apply.
22. Cheryl | September 14th, 2010 at 2:45 pm
L&O: LA’s Padded Cell
23. Fragrant Liar | September 14th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
I’d think about buying something from Cheap Used Queens, but probably a definite sale for Cheap Used Twins. As long as they’re both deeply padded with testosterone.
24. Karen in San Diego | September 14th, 2010 at 7:08 pm
A morning radio show here in San Diego (DSC) gets sponsorship from a mattress store, and they regularly tell listeners to trade in their old “triscuit top” and “splattertastic” beds for new ones. Ewwwwww! Enough to make you never want to sleep on a hotel bed again!
25. Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him | September 14th, 2010 at 9:21 pm
I’ve possibly seen half of these in Queens in the cheap mattress district. Along with Alladin’s Magic Matttres.
26. Becky | September 15th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
For the amount we paid for our new mattress and box spring set, I had to check the receipt twice to make sure it didn’t say “Slumberdog Millionaire Store”, “Sleep Ain’t Cheap Chateaux”, or “Benny’s Not-so-Bargain & Gently Pre-Owned Luxury Mattress Emporium”
27. Pauline | September 16th, 2010 at 11:38 am
“Cheap Used Queens”
LOL!
28. qtberryhead | September 16th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
With names like that I’d at least go into the store…maybe not to buy.
29. anymommy | September 16th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
I’m a little frightened by your mind. Awesome.
30. Tonya | September 16th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
I’m pretty sure I slept on Sleepers Creepers all through undergrad. His name was Michael.
31. Invader_Stu | September 17th, 2010 at 11:36 am
How about:
Death Beds
Our beds are so good that you’ll never wake up
32. Kate Coveny Hood | September 18th, 2010 at 10:39 am
I think Cheap Used Queens was my favorite.
33. sandra | September 21st, 2010 at 6:26 pm
Cheap Used Queens. Hmmmm…in LA that could mean so many things!!! Love these.
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