INT. MY PARENTS’ HOUSE, NORTHERN NEVADA, TWO WEEKS AGO
It’s approximately 7 a.m. In one room, two boys happily watch “Pokemon” on TV and wrestle like hungry mountain men. In another room, the adults watch “The Today Show” and groggily make fun of the local weatherman.
Suddenly, WENDI (40ish, gorgeous in a just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-forgot-to-take-off-her-Breathright-Nasal-Strip kind of way) enters the adults’ room. She staggers into the kitchen, grabs a mug and sloppily pours herself some coffee. She then sits on the couch next to her DAD.
DAD: Good morning!
WENDI: Morning. Why’s the weather guy wearing a poncho?
DAD: We think he’s trying to hide his spare tire, but he might just be trying to be fashionable again.
WENDI: Oh. Well, it’s not working.
Wendi then looks down at the mug in her hand and lets out a loud GASP.
WENDI: What’s this thing? Where did you get this mug?
DAD: Just read the words on it. It says right there where I got it.
DAD: Yeah, they have a website now. Gotta keep up with the times!
WENDI: Oh, my God–why do you even have this?
DAD: It’s a nice color, don’t you think?
Wendi’s mother then enters the room.
MOM: Yes, it sure is nice and bright! I can always find it easily. Even in the winter.
DAD: Nice size, too. Gives you a really good serving of coffee.
WENDI: OK, OK, you two—please stop. We all agree it’s a wonderful mug, this mug that’s…FROM A BROTHEL. But may I ask how you got it? Exactly?
DAD: Well, we bought it when we were down near Vegas a couple of weeks ago.
WENDI: You just went in and …bought it? Just like that?
DAD: No, that’s ridiculous. I had to spend $100 first before they’d give me the mug.
MOM: Yes, he had to spend $100 first. They don’t just give it to you.
Wendi in kitchen looking frantically for Scotch to pour into her Chicken Ranch mug. Not finding any, she reluctantly returns to questioning her parents.
WENDI: Listen, I really, really don’t want to even say this, but WHAT did you spend the $100 on? Or was the mug like a, oh my God, oh my God, a gift with purchase?
MOM: Oh, now that’s funny! They really should do that, shouldn’t they? Give away a mug to their customers? I bet they’d all like that. Now, Wendi, do you know why they call it the Chicken Ranch?
WENDI: (long pause) Because lots of things get laid there?
MOM: No, but good guess!
DAD: Yes, that was a good guess. Good guess!
MOM: It’s because way back when, customers used to pay for the ladies’ services with chickens instead of money. Isn’t that funny?
WENDI: No, not really.
MOM: I think you might have got more “services” if you had a rooster as payment, but I’m not sure if that’s true or not…
WENDI: Yeah, we’ll have to check with PBS on that one. Maybe call up the state University.
DAD: Now come on, this is a little bit of Nevada history right here! It’s not all just about Mark Twain, you know. Jeezus, does the weather guy have to wear that suit every day?
MOM: I think he does! Purple’s not his color, poor thing.
A pale Wendi in the other room watching “Pokemon.”
An agitated Wendi considering her options.
Wendi’s parents finally telling her (six long hours later) that the the mug was actually bought at a charity auction for $100. An auction that was held nowhere near the Chicken Ranch, thank you very much, why would you even THINK that?
The next morning, Wendi plays it safe and wisely decides to drink her coffee out of a mug with kittens on it.
DAD: Good morning! Kittens today, huh? By the way, do you know how the Cathouse got it’s name?