Let’s find out with this Fun Summer Quiz!
1. The thought of my children being on summer vacation for 3 months fills me with:
c) A fairly severe intestinal blockage due to the six pounds of organic cheese curls I inhaled in a nervous panic at the kindergarten’s Last Day of School party.
2. To keep my kids busy this summer, I’ve already signed them up for:
a) Day camp
b) Sleep away camp
c) Four weeks of intense basic training with “Patri-tots!”, the early education underground militia group that lives in the forest behind my subdivision.
3. All summer long, the neighborhood kids are welcome to hang out in my:
b) Swimming pool
c) Basement sweatshop where they can earn upwards of 10 cents for each fake Louis Vuitton purse they help me assemble and sell to the suckers in the PTO.
4. After months of hard work, my summer body is now ready for:
a) A bikini
b) A skirtini
c) The Dumbo mascot costume my ex-con cousin stole from Disneyland in 1988.
5. To get my winter legs prepared for shorts season, I always rely upon:
a) A razor
b) A self-tanner
c) A gasoline-powered weed whacker with 10 adjustable settings and a special blade specifically designed for “thigh dreadlocks.”
6. This year, my family hopes to vacation:
a) At the beach
b) In the mountains
c) Without anybody crying and locking herself in the Chattanooga Waffle House ladies room until all of her totally ungrateful kids finally agree to make her dreams come true and take her to Dollywood for the day.
7. When the temperature gets too hot, I plan on cooling myself off by:
a) Cranking the AC
b) Drinking vast quantities of lemonade
c) Visualizing myself giving Larry King and Michelle “Bombshell” McGee a sensuous couples massage, then watching them lick tiramisu off each other’s fingers.
8. The part of July 4th I look forward to most is:
a) The yummy hot dogs and hamburgers
b) The semi-legal fireworks
c) The fact that this is the day my backyard neighbors suddenly declare their independence from all decorum, common sense and the deed restrictions that prohibit 12 hours of Def Lepard-themed karaoke and greased pig chasing.
9. To make a summer dinner party successful, it’s important to serve:
a) Fresh, seasonal fruit
b) Meat grilled to perfection
c) Twenty jugs of cheap wine poured into a kiddie pool, with a special prize going to whomever can drink the most via a pool noodle and a Dora the Explorer toddler snorkel.
10. Finally, if all goes well, I really think 2010 will become known as The Summer of:
If you scored mostly “A’s,” you’re VERY ready for summer!
If you scored mostly “B’s,” you’re SORT OF ready for summer!
If you scored mostly “C’s,” well, you’re probably me. Sorry about that. (Wear sunscreen.)