Mommy, is the Easter Bunny real?
Sure. For about two more years, anyway.
What?
I mean, yes! Yes, of course he’s real! The Easter Bunny is sooo real! I’m practically sneezing right now just thinking of him.
Good. And is he also sometimes called Peter Cottontail?
Yeah, I think so.
Why does he have two names? Isn’t that kind of weird?
No, not if you’re a rabbit. Or P. Diddy.
Do you know where he lives?
Let’s see…probably in a Miami Beach penthouse or some other place with solid gold toilets and a closet full of white Versace suits.
What?
Oh, you meant where does the Easter Bunny live. Well, I think he lives on the, um…East…Side.
Really?
Sure. In fact, I think he just moved on up to the East Side. To a de-luxe apartment in the sky. I. I. Yep, that bunny finally got his piece of the pie, lucky guy.
Why are you smiling?
Because Mommy wishes Daddy was here to appreciate that particular little gem.
Well, how does the Easter Bunny travel everywhere so fast? How does he hide all the eggs? Does he have elves? Does he have helpers? Does he give out Star Wars toys?
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Listen, Jack, I really don’t know that much about the Easter Bunny. Nobody does because he’s kind of an enigma. A mystery. A shadowy figure in the land of holiday icons. Lord knows he’s not a frickin’ open book like that fat diva Claus, anyway. I mean, seriously, is there a mall in America that that bearded queen hasn’t been to? Sitting on his stupid “Christmas throne” for two months straight? Talk about your overexposure—he makes Paris Hilton look like an Idaho survivalist.
What?
Just be a good boy and you’ll get candy.
OK. But can I ask you one last question?
(sigh) Go ahead.
Where does the Easter bunny get all of the baskets and chocolates he gives out to everyone?
Oh, well that’s an easy one. He gets them at Costco.
Really?
Uh-huh. Because if there’s one thing rabbits know how to do, it’s how to buy things in bulk.
What does that…
Just ask your Daddy. And Jack? Happy Easter.
Happy Easter, mommy.
(This is a repeat from two years ago. And click here for another Easter repeat that some of you have seen before, but I made it little more funny.)
Shocking. This can only mean one thing… P. Diddy is a rabbit! *dramatic music*
Ironically, I think our friend Diddy DRESSED like the Easter Bunny on American Idol last night.
Wendi, only you could work a reference to the Jeffersons into that conversation.
Rock on.
The Other Wendi
LMAO! On the East Side!
I love these bits of childhood conversations. Adorable.
I think the Easter Bunny tried his best to get Claus to share some of the limelight. He did his stint at the malls. I even got my picture taken with him once with 3 of my friends. All of us wearing New Kids on the Block shirts. Ah, middle school and boy band crazes. But I think Claus is working with the Mob to keep his monopoly on the holiday icon circuit. As much as he likes to give away toys, he doesn’t like to share the attention.
I hear Costco is also where the Tooth Fairy buys sacks to store children’s teeth in. That creepy fairy knows how to save the bucks.
My nephew informed me that the Easter Bunny is not real, but that, in fact, Jesus hides the eggs.
Way to make me spit my snack all over the keyboard Libby!
Good question Jack. I mean really, what’s more outrageous? The Easter Bunny or “following” bloggers we’ve never met or seen into places where even William Shatner would fear to go?
Fatal Attraction much?
Yeah, that’s my explanation this year for all things Easter Bunny.
Easter gets the shittiest candy….
so, if this was from two years ago, and you wrote in your post that the easter bunny would be real for about two more years, it kinda leaves us hanging… does he still visit your household?
This is THE BEST! The Jefferson’s are waiting for their cut! Hilarious!
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn’t want *any*body to know he’s been screwing chickens.
Those answers are the best!
Please tell you me you will save this and share it with him when he’s older!!
i wish had read this a couple of years ago b/c i had that same conversation this week and I broke down and told them the easter bunny wasn’t real. they asked way too many questions and I couldn’t keep up the bs and just broke down. 🙂
I’m so glad I read this. I thought he died a couple years ago.
Oh, wait, that was Anna Nicole.
As a Jew, this is wildly fun. (p.s. even if I wasn’t Jewish this would be really funny…)
Too funny. Sounds like you did an excellant job answering all his important questions.
My kids are old enough now they dont ask for candy anymore, they just want gift cards.
Not much fun in handing out”gift cards”.
When my kids were little they were told that the Easter Bunny, Cupid,and the Tooth Fairy lived next door to Santa. Since I lived in FL at the time, the kids would be able to have their pics taken with Mr. Bunny at K-Mart on a horse with Mr. Bunny standing holding the reins. Well, one particularly hot “day before Easter”, I happened to be at K-Mart “scouting out the 1/2 off Easter Candy” when the kids decided they wanted their pics taken. So like the “cool” mom I was called, I went ahead and did it. My youngest, who was 3 at the time just happened to blurt out to his sister…”See Amberrrr, told you Da Ester Bunny rides a horsy.” Then in my 6 yr-old’s superior voice, she belted out for EVERYONE to hear….”If he rides a horsy, then why don’t his eggs break?” Talk about hysterical mothers! Let’s just say that was the last time they had their pic taken with him.
Where were you when my kids were young and asking questions???
Happy Easter!
Yep, it’s a universal truth that rabbits love a good bargain.
The Easter bunny has always had issues.he’s much more difficult to work with than Santa. Santa at least wears a suit that doesn’t hide his face.(your answers are great- wish I did better when faced with these questions)
Look at you! The fake holiday icon sagemeister! I wonder what your answer’s going to be about the Tooth Fairy? Especially since he now has his own movie out…
;-))
If you think about it, the Easter Bunny is certainly vague about his everyday whereabouts. Unlike Santa who has pinpointed his address as if this was a safe world to do that in.
Costco was a good answer. No one has ever said that the EB puts the baskets together. We have all just assumed like Santa, he wants too but doesn’t appear to be the case.
Fine parenting, fine parenting indeed!
Between P Diddy and the Jeffersons, that was the best Easter conversation I’ve ever overheard.
“…that fat diva Claus…”
Thank you for that.
I haven’t had the pleasure of the “Easter Bunny Interviews” yet. However, my 7yr old already figured out that Santa Clause sure does look like Cousin Ryan.
We rent the Santa costume and bribe Cousin Ryan to dress up & put on the act. He needs the money.
Did he still believe this year? I like to compare everyone against P. Diddy. I think it really gives kids a sense of the haves and have nots.
I like to think of the Easter Bunny taking the A train.
http://www.imgonnakillhim.com
I don’t know what’s the matter with me. I only got one joke. I think it’s from too much matzah.
Brilliant. I just answer “It’s magic” to all Easter Bunny questions.