Mommy, is the Easter Bunny real?
Sure. For about two more years, anyway.
I mean, yes! Yes, of course he’s real! The Easter Bunny is sooo real! I’m practically sneezing right now just thinking of him.
Good. And is he also sometimes called Peter Cottontail?
Yeah, I think so.
Why does he have two names? Isn’t that kind of weird?
No, not if you’re a rabbit. Or P. Diddy.
Do you know where he lives?
Let’s see…probably in a Miami Beach penthouse or some other place with solid gold toilets and a closet full of white Versace suits.
Oh, you meant where does the Easter Bunny live. Well, I think he lives on the, um…East…Side.
Sure. In fact, I think he just moved on up to the East Side. To a de-luxe apartment in the sky. I. I. Yep, that bunny finally got his piece of the pie, lucky guy.
Why are you smiling?
Because Mommy wishes Daddy was here to appreciate that particular little gem.
Well, how does the Easter Bunny travel everywhere so fast? How does he hide all the eggs? Does he have elves? Does he have helpers? Does he give out Star Wars toys?
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Listen, Jack, I really don’t know that much about the Easter Bunny. Nobody does because he’s kind of an enigma. A mystery. A shadowy figure in the land of holiday icons. Lord knows he’s not a frickin’ open book like that fat diva Claus, anyway. I mean, seriously, is there a mall in America that that bearded queen hasn’t been to? Sitting on his stupid “Christmas throne” for two months straight? Talk about your overexposure—he makes Paris Hilton look like an Idaho survivalist.
Just be a good boy and you’ll get candy.
OK. But can I ask you one last question?
(sigh) Go ahead.
Where does the Easter bunny get all of the baskets and chocolates he gives out to everyone?
Oh, well that’s an easy one. He gets them at Costco.
Uh-huh. Because if there’s one thing rabbits know how to do, it’s how to buy things in bulk.
What does that…
Just ask your Daddy. And Jack? Happy Easter.
Happy Easter, mommy.
(This is a repeat from two years ago. And click here for another Easter repeat that some of you have seen before, but I made it little more funny.)