Writer’s Cramp
October 13th, 2009
I don’t want to alarm anyone, but it would appear that I am losing the few social skills I possess.
For example, two days ago I walked into an eyeglass store in the mall and a nicely dressed, very pleasant employee immediately approached me and said, “Thank you so much for coming in! We have so many great fall specials going on! Now what can I help you with today?”
And then I turned to her and squawked, “Me needy glasses, yo.”
The reason I’ve apparently lost my ability to communicate is because for the past couple of weeks, I’ve spent my days in near isolation. After I drop the boys off at the curb at school, I then head back to my house where I spend my day trying to write. And by “trying to write,” I of course mean eating peanuts, watching ugly babies on YouTube, and loudly reenacting highlights of my high school prom with my cat Dickens. (Trust me, it’s how all of the Pulitzer Prize winners do it.)
However, it’s obvious that all of this alone time is starting to make me a little strange. Like last week when I went to volunteer in Jack’s kindergarten classroom and his teacher said, “Jack tells me you’re doing a lot of writing! How’s that going?”
And I said, “Oh, let’s just say that after spending so much time at my desk, I totally know why most writers become insane alcoholics. Not that I am! Insane, anyway. At least not yet! Ha, ha, ha! Oh, God, I’m so lonely.”
(Embarrassing, yes, but at least that got me out of volunteering for the rest of the year.)
Last night, after I jumped on my husband as soon as he walked in the door, he finally suggested that I make some changes to my routine. “I think it’d be a great idea for you to get out more,” Chris said after I regaled him with a breathless 10-minute long recap of how I was able to remove a pizza stain from my shorts. “I mean, did you talk to anyone today?”
“Of course I did!” I answered. “I talked to TONS of people! Like this morning I spent five minutes talking to Larry, and then this afternoon I spent three minutes talking to Little Dude. Blah, blah, blah! So…much…talking!”
“That’s good, but who are Larry and Little Dude?”
“Hello? Larry’s the guy who cuts our lawn and Little Dude’s that garbage man who’s missing an eye and two fingers? The swarthy guy who smells like whiskey vomit? Anyway, they’re both really great conversationalists, and I know Little Dude may not look it, but he’s very knowledgeable about foreign policy. And, um, landfills. What? What are you doing? Why are you emailing my mother?”
So as of today, it looks like I’ll be trying to have at least one lunch date a week with someone who doesn’t live in my house. I think it’ll be a good thing for my already shaky sanity and my rapidly disappearing social skills, but I just hope my cat and my garbage man don’t miss me too much.
After all, I know how lonely they can get.
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37 Comments
Add your own1. Tracy Hahn-Burkett | October 13th, 2009 at 10:44 am
I sympathize.
I’ve noticed that as my ability to put words down onto computer screen/paper has improved, there has been a corresponding decrease in my ability to have a live, social conversation of any kind. People look at me like I’ve lost my mind–which perhaps I have–when my response to questions like, “So, did you enjoy the kids’ soccer game this afternoon?” is stunned, confused silence. Likewise, I swear that each voicemail message I leave will be my last because it is inevitably peppered with “ums,” “wells” and stuttering “you knows.” (I need to complete a round of deep-breathing exercises prior to making any personal phone calls.)
Then I remind myself that writers are supposed to be a little eccentric. So just remember: if your “live” social skills are slipping, it’s for a good cause (though your husband, like mine, might not find this so reassuring). Anyway, it’s now the FB and Twitter contacts that count, right?
(Just kidding everybody!)
2. Mother Of Three | October 13th, 2009 at 11:13 am
I totally can understand your growing problems in proper articulation. The same effect occurs when there’re just kids surrounding you. You cannot complete sentences after a while.
I wish you luck with the small talk at lunch. Don’t give up before at least week 5 passed. And just don’t go out with your mother EVERY week.
3. christy | October 13th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Too funny!! I totally act like a freak when I get together with other moms sometimes too — like right after I had my daughter last year I literally couldn’t figure out how to communicate with adults. I talked to everyone like they were kids. Too bad I don’t live in Texas because I’d love to get together for lunch with you! Hope you have fun on your outings!
4. BM | October 13th, 2009 at 11:57 am
I think this is an epidemic that can be found among the mommy blog class. Wine is the only remedy I have found, but, unfortunately, drinking alone is still frowned upon. Ever a dilemma…
5. DG at Diaryofamadbathroom | October 13th, 2009 at 11:57 am
That used to happen to me when I worked from home. Except, I went the other way and would growl and spit at anyone that tried to talk to me like some insane recluse. Eventually, my lack of showering made people stop trying. I think the garbage man would have ran off holding his nose if I attempted to talk to him.
Step away from the laptop . . .
6. Lisa Rae @ smacksy | October 13th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
My husband has expressed concern that I begin each sentence with either a) One of my blog mom friends tweeted the funniest thing today… OR b) Didn’t you read my Facebook status about…?
If I didn’t watch Top Chef, I’d have no real friends to talk with.
What?
7. hokgardner | October 13th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
You, me, lunch next Wednesday, someplace that serves queso.
8. madmad | October 13th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I hear ya’, I hear ya’. Sometimes one gets the opposite problem, though: too MANY people. That’s not always fun, either..
9. lancelonie | October 13th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Me dropping by to say hi, yo!
I thought that was hilarious. I wonder if I’m losing mine, too…
10. Marinka | October 13th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
WTF is wrong with being an insane alcoholic?
11. gray matter matters | October 13th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Lisa Rae nailed it…I’ve actually responded to the question, “So how was your meeting with the teacher yesterday?” with “Didn’t you read my blog?” Kill me now.
12. DM | October 13th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Yeah, you may not be able to talk but you made me giggle so much through this post. Brilliant!
“And, um, landfills.” That make my co-worker wonder why I sounded like a strangled duck.
13. the mama bird diaries | October 13th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Call Marinka. She’ll chat with you. I’m sure of it.
14. Sophie | October 14th, 2009 at 12:22 am
Wendi, you go, girl! I’m there for you, if you ever wish to encounter people with similar insanities. Is insanities a word? is that how you spell it? I’m troubled.
p.s. My outing for today has the shape of going to the supermarket. With my mother. yesyes.
15. Invader_Stu | October 14th, 2009 at 2:34 am
I’m an insane alcoholic but I’m not really a writer… should I be?
16. Mwa | October 14th, 2009 at 5:40 am
Oh, good idea! And just think of all the alcohol you can have over lunch! You’ll even have an excuse.
17. Akilah Sakai | October 14th, 2009 at 6:11 am
I feel your pain.
Any moment now The Hubster will have my butt committed. I’ve all but lost the abiity to communicate with humans. Dust bunnies? Oh, the conversations we have!
18. MommaB | October 14th, 2009 at 6:35 am
Oh boy, can I relate!? I am losing my mind at a scary pace! I am not home alone! Instead, I am home with two people under three feet tall and neither one of them speaks English. I think their language is a hybrid of Swahili and Monkey! Neither of which, do I speak! I can’t take much more of the running noses or whining, for that matter! Well, lucky you, you will join the INSANE MOM’S POSSE sooner, rather than later! Have a great day!
19. Kendra | October 14th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I never really understood the whole idea of texting–I mean, you’re using the phone, why don’t you just call them? And then came the day when I had a quick question for my sister and wasn’t (gasp!) near the computer. And I realized I’d have to call her. Like, pick up the phone and use my voice and talk and everything. And I realized why people text–because then it doesn’t matter if you’ve run out of social skills.
I spend my days with children, my evenings with them plus the kid who was at school all day (plus my husband, but it’s hard to notice him among the children), and any spare time alone. I should start calling myself a writer just so I have an excuse for the lack of commucation.
20. Mykljak | October 14th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Baby steps, Wendi. Baby steps.
21. Laura | October 14th, 2009 at 11:52 am
I hear you! Pretty soon I am going to start talking back to this computer. And I’ll be pretty pissed if it doesn’t talk back to me…
22. Jen | October 14th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Well, I can’t imagine the day will come when I am alone and I still have the ability to form a sentence. SO, you are a few years and skills ahead of me. Way to GO.
23. Karen | October 14th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Oh yeah. People, it’s not just a mama thing. It’s a writer thing. Or thang, to us Texans. As a novelist (26 published books and counting), I spend so much time talking to people in my head that I can’t talk to real people any more. And when I try, well… there are a lot of awkward silences to make me realize I’ve said something inappropriate or just plain… crazy.. Hah!
24. Beth | October 15th, 2009 at 3:05 am
I’d like to hear more about how you got the pizza stain out of your shorts. Pizza sauce can be such pesty little stains.
25. Lynn from For Love or Funny | October 15th, 2009 at 5:00 am
“Me needy glasses, yo” made me burst out laughing. Good luck on your lunch dates…
26. Shauna | October 15th, 2009 at 7:38 am
I wish I lived in Austin. I would SO come to your house and watch you re-enact prom moments with your cat. Also, I would take you to lunch. But only if you promise to be socially awkward. For once I would like to be the non-ridiculous one in the group.
27. MommyAmy | October 15th, 2009 at 11:51 am
LOL! It’s a good thing my girls have an EI teacher come to our house once a week, so that I can talk to an adult who doesn’t live with me once a week.
I’ve recently had 2 friends prescribe that I talk to another grown-up more often. Why? Because the last time I talked to them I came off as a bumbling idiot. Thank God they love me enough to TELL me! lol
28. Chelsea | October 15th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Lets go out for drinks sometime with our hubbies… I can imagine you would be a riot with a little alcohol in ya! You can regale me with pizza stain stories and the men can commiserate about being married to crazies
29. Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings | October 15th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
You want my job? You can talk to old people all day. It will be fun. They yell a lot.
Don’t worry about the teacher comment…one day I called the pharmacy for a refill on my zoloft prescription. The pharmacist said I was out of refills and would have to call the doctor. I asked if I could get a couple of pills to fill the gap until I got the doctor called then I joked, “Ah, never mind, I mean, it’s not like if I don’t get it for a couple of days I’ll run out and kill people or something. . .”
Silence. Dead silence.
“Um…I’m kidding….”
“Uh…right…well, those pills will be ready for you…soon…”
30. Lottie Lou | October 16th, 2009 at 8:23 am
I once babysat 6 kids, all under the age of 3, two being blind and two being non-verbal due to age, one being silent by choice and one being mean as a snake. And I didn’t drink (then, anyway). Eventually I became mean, silent, and had Einstein hair.
31. JP in IL | October 16th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
I am not a mom and I don’t have kids. HOwever, I work out of my house and have many days like the one you described. I have also had many people tell me that I need to get some sort of a social thing going.
It got really bad when I decided that I have “coworkers” and planned an office Christmas party. I told my friends and family that they were all invited to meet the “people” I work with…(even though they only exist in my head). I had people planning on coming to it…all laughing about meeting my “coworkers”. Then, Old Man Winter reered his ugly head and gave us an ice storm on the day of the party. Needless to say, no one showed…and I had to pretend like I was having a party with all of my “coworkers”.
Better luck this year…maybe….
32. Chris | October 16th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Hysterical! I say inappropriate things all the time due to my isolation [for different reasons, but the arrested development is the same]. Loved this!
33. jessica | October 16th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
this is my life for the last 15 years. It is no wonder I eat out so much
34. St | October 17th, 2009 at 11:06 am
I would probably lose my mind in your position! I’m in a classroom with teenagers all day and by the end of the day, I’m almost acting INSANE for adult contact and conversation! Isolation could be good, but only for a couple of days at a time. You should definitely enjoy your your lunch dates. Perhaps a change of scenery will give you more to write about, too!
35. p-huong | October 18th, 2009 at 11:50 am
At least you didn’t start making up imaginary friends.
36. Nap Warden | October 19th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Wait…you mean all the socializing I do on the Internet doesn’t count? Well, now I’m screwed!
37. Heather, Queen of Shake Shake | October 20th, 2009 at 10:20 am
My god, do I know the feeling. If I did live close to you, we would have a standing 3 martini lunch date every week. We should have a video lunch once a week instead.
I often pondered why writers were such alcoholics. Then I started working with an editor and I now understand. It’s not the writing, it’s the editors that drive you to drink!
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