I’m bored! Go outside.

I’m bored! Stay inside.

I’m bored! Shut the door. Or do you think I want to air condition the entire neighborhood?

I’m bored! Play with your toys.

I’m bored! Play with your brother.

I’m bored! Play with yourself. Wait—scratch that. You’re not a teenager yet.

I’m bored! Read a book.

I’m bored! Read a magazine.

I’m bored! Read this ten page letter mommy got from the IRS and figure out why they don’t consider $400 in Barry Manilow tickets to be a valid charitable contribution.

I’m bored! Clean your room.

I’m bored! Clean MY room.

I’m bored! Clean the entire 5th floor of the downtown Ramada, then bring me some of those little shampoos that smell like lilacs and happiness.

I’m bored! Solve the national housing crisis.

I’m bored! Solve the national employment crisis.

I’m bored! Solve the national Paula Abdul crisis.

I’m bored! Go swimming.

I’m bored! Go fishing.

I’m bored! Go over to the neighbor’s house and ask if your mommy can borrow a cup of Pinot Grigio and a Tylenol.

I’m bored! Enjoy it while it lasts, kid.