Current outside temperature in Austin: 103
Number of days it will remain this temperature in Austin: 103
Number of days since the upstairs A/C went out: 1/2
Amount of swear words uttered since the upstairs A/C went out: 50
Amount of swear words uttered that began with the word “mutha”: 50
Number of times the A/C repairman was called: 6
Number of times the A/C repairman’s secretary told us to “Keep your pants on, hon”: 2
Number of times we told the A/C repairman’s secretary to “Keep your own damn pants on, hon”: 7
Hours until the mythical A/C repairman will arrive at our house: 24
Hours until we all go insane and maim each other with sharpened Popsicle sticks: 1
Current downstairs temperature: 75
Current upstairs temperature: 95
Odds that a cloud will form on the landing where the cold air and hot air meet: 1 in 100
Odds that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about regarding how clouds form: 1 in 1
Number of little boys who now need to sleep on the downstairs hide-a-bed: 2
Number of times little boys on the hide-a-bed will scream, “He’s touching my butt!”: 32
Number of times the little boys’ dad will scream, “Mommy’s touching MY butt!”: 1
Number of minutes mommy will glare at daddy for making this inappropriate comment: 3
Bottles of wine needed to get through The A/C Incident of 2009: 2
Bottles of wine currently in the house: 0
Average speed car will be driven to the liquor store to remedy this problem: 76 mph
Total amount of fine on speeding ticket received for the liquor store flyby: $102.00
Chances that we are all now strongly considering a move to North Dakota: 100%
(And for one more math problem, go see Heather.)
Just received a copy of your letter to Brand
Manager Thatcher. I haven’t laughed so in
many a month. Thanks. I will be following your blog and will buy anything you publish.
You are a real life enhancer.