Summer By The Numbers
June 25th, 2009
Current outside temperature in Austin: 103
Number of days it will remain this temperature in Austin: 103
Number of days since the upstairs A/C went out: 1/2
Amount of swear words uttered since the upstairs A/C went out: 50
Amount of swear words uttered that began with the word “mutha”: 50
Number of times the A/C repairman was called: 6
Number of times the A/C repairman’s secretary told us to “Keep your pants on, hon”: 2
Number of times we told the A/C repairman’s secretary to “Keep your own damn pants on, hon”: 7
Hours until the mythical A/C repairman will arrive at our house: 24
Hours until we all go insane and maim each other with sharpened Popsicle sticks: 1
Current downstairs temperature: 75
Current upstairs temperature: 95
Odds that a cloud will form on the landing where the cold air and hot air meet: 1 in 100
Odds that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about regarding how clouds form: 1 in 1
Number of little boys who now need to sleep on the downstairs hide-a-bed: 2
Number of times little boys on the hide-a-bed will scream, “He’s touching my butt!”: 32
Number of times the little boys’ dad will scream, “Mommy’s touching MY butt!”: 1
Number of minutes mommy will glare at daddy for making this inappropriate comment: 3
Bottles of wine needed to get through The A/C Incident of 2009: 2
Bottles of wine currently in the house: 0
Average speed car will be driven to the liquor store to remedy this problem: 76 mph
Total amount of fine on speeding ticket received for the liquor store flyby: $102.00
Chances that we are all now strongly considering a move to North Dakota: 100%
(And for one more math problem, go see Heather.)
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
51 Comments
Add your own1. Bonnie Childress | June 25th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Once again you made me giggle and I love you for it! sorry about the a/c!
2. Coma Girl | June 25th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Sorry about your AC, but I think I just added another item on the Reasons Not To Move To Texas list. Seriously 103 degrees??
Well at least you have your humor.
3. ann | June 25th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Oh, the whining must be infinite.
[large knowing sigh]
4. Kirsten | June 25th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
I have a friend that moved to San Antonio and is always telling me how fantastic the weather is and it’s the best in the whole country and they love it and blah, blah, blah with the freakin’ weather.
When it is so damn hot you can’t really go outside anyway why is that so fantastic??
I hope your AC gets fixed soon. I would be going mad.
5. Angela | June 25th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
My A/C went out this week. I know how ya feel.
Number of dollars the guy wanted me to spend:$10,000
After I stopped laughing, I plugged in 5 fans and called someone else.
Thank goodness Vegas has a “dry “heat.
6. Candy | June 26th, 2009 at 6:05 am
One post from Wendi… priceless.
7. Belle Bamford | June 26th, 2009 at 6:45 am
The number of butt-touching times in the Aarons household – too many.
8. Lisa Rae @ smacksy | June 26th, 2009 at 8:22 am
At our tiny compound:
sweat + dog hair = friday
And for you – Godspeed fair A/C Repairman.
9. auntystephy | June 26th, 2009 at 10:12 am
(LOVE THE BLOG)
I think I would have given in and driven to Home Despot for a rolling A/C by now.
Good luck!
PS – it’s 93 in Vegas and the hotel/spa A/Cs are working great!
10. Michael | June 26th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Hey, have you seen this news article?
New details about Michael Jackson’s Death Emerge
I was wondering if you were going to blog about this…
11. Tippylou | June 26th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
San Antonio here. I feel your pain. 103 today also.
12. Akilah Sakai | June 26th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
And just for this horror story, I am turning my a/c off despite the 93 degree heat so it can rest and not konk out on me. I could potentially kill someone in heat-frustration and since prison doesn’t suit me – I’d be someone’s b*tch in 3 seconds – I think it’s best to melt a little and let the unit rest.
13. p.huong | June 26th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Why North Dakota? Come here to California!!! The earthquakes here aren’t SO bad.
14. Heather, Queen of Shake Shake | June 26th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
You only need 2 bottles of wine to get thru that kind of heat? You are my sobriety hero! It’s only 96 here today AND we got a thunderstorm. It’s like Nirvana. I better break out the long sleeves!
15. Maria Butts | June 26th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Good time to become a nudist in Austin. I’m sure your neighbors wouldn’t mind, but the HOA might.
16. jessica | June 27th, 2009 at 12:01 am
no complaints over here, got to admit. However, I’m sure I’ll have my fair share once I hit NYC in a few weeks. They we’ll see whose hotter, literally.
17. Emily | June 27th, 2009 at 6:57 am
I feel your pain. We don’t have a/c up here (Michigan) at all. Most of the time we don’t need it, but there are days…and that’s when the heads start to roll!! By the way, don’t they have a nude beach in Austin? Hippie Hollow?
18. Cathy | June 27th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Total time spent laughing at Wendi’s blog after reading: 3.5 minutes solid — and that’s a record for me! Keep it up!
19. Middle Aged Dater | June 27th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Number of times I laughed out loud reading your blog: 100
20. Robin | June 27th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
I don’t know…wine makes your body temperature higher!
Best of luck to you. You’re making me grateful for our gray summer of rain here in Boston.
21. Red | June 27th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Us southerners like to scoff at folks for crying about the heat like we are all so accustomed to it but the truth is if it wasn’t for central heating and cooling, you’d see our true colors right quick and fast. I’m packing my bags for somewhere awesome. In my mind.
22. Daniela | June 27th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
ugh, i hate the heat! I have to decide between open windows and mosquitoes or closed windows and 100 degree, sweaty nights. fyi, it cools down when you make teh husband sleep somewhere else..or when you douse the sheets with water. both remedies haev some consequences, though
23. Judy Larsen | June 28th, 2009 at 9:00 am
Here’s an important tip . . . . never, ever, ever run out of wine. It’s a corollary to my father yelling at me to “never, ever, ever let the gas gauge dip below 1/4″ after I’d run out of gas one too many times. I didn’t learn that lesson too well, but in our house, if we’re down to 2 or 3 bottles of wine the red alert sirens go off.
Sorry about the heat and lack of AC. We had that happen two summers ago. I believe my husband and I skipped town.
24. Mykljak | June 28th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Well, did you? Keep your pants on? I’d have been mighty tempted to go “al fresco.”
25. Firebird | June 28th, 2009 at 11:06 am
103 is bad but 75 is fine, it’s hotter than that in my room right now and I’m in England! Sheesh I thought you Texans were made of tougher stuff.
26. Lucy Filet | June 28th, 2009 at 11:48 am
My SIL just recently complained to me about Houston’s weather. My response? “do you see ME in Houston?”
27. phd in yogurtry | June 28th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
While I am sorry that your AC went out, I’m not sorry to be reading (laughing) about it. Hope that figment of your imagination, called AC repair-person, comes through soon.
Meanwhile? Most movie theatres are air conditioned. So is The Tavern. It says so on the sign.
28. the mama bird diaries | June 28th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
i hate cold weather so 103 sounds just extra cozy and toasty.
29. Jodie | June 28th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
South Dakota is nicer than North Dakota. Come to the Black Hills and enjoy the beauty and the weather!
30. Jodie | June 28th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
P.S. Outside temp here in Rapid City, South Dakota at 10:43 p.m. 70 degrees. Inside temp priceless at 68.
31. Daniela | June 29th, 2009 at 12:43 am
ugh, my fingers are sliding around on the keyboard from all the sweat…or the grease…i don’t know. Anyway, i had to copy this article into my site. i linked back here. I hope that is alright.
You can see it here:
http://seafoodpunch.com/2009/06/melting/
32. Kathy | June 29th, 2009 at 3:45 am
I don’t know how you do it. It’s only 60-something degrees here in the morning and humid. My fingers are sticking to the keyboard. I hate the heat. I hate the humidity. And so does my naturally-curly hair, which becomes naturally afro in this weather. Despite the Texas heat, if it’s a dry heat, I’d move there just to have better hair.
I tip my hat to you.
33. Cat | June 29th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Frozen peas on your belly. Totally works for, like, 5 minutes until they thaw.
Good luck!
34. Lisa (Jonnysmommy) | July 1st, 2009 at 8:06 am
103? Yuk!
Seriously, that Hubby joke…funny. Butt touching. Funny. *snort*
35. Cecile | July 1st, 2009 at 9:10 am
That was the funniest post I have read all day! It really did make me LOL
36. miss. chief | July 1st, 2009 at 10:48 am
hello! a cakewrecks post today featured a quote from your “have a happy period” post, and boy am i glad i clicked the link to this blog!!
you are hilarious!
37. Sophie | July 1st, 2009 at 10:58 am
First time reader here at your blog, sent over by Jen from CakeWrecks. You’re great!
And I fully sympathise with your condition, here in HOT sunny Israel.
38. Jessica | July 1st, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Hello! I just found you blog from a link on Cake Wrecks about your always letter! I love the letter and I love your blog. You are so funny! I look forward to reading more of your gems!
39. LisaCat | July 1st, 2009 at 3:06 pm
This is why we have a single story house. I so feel your pain……
40. Angelica | July 1st, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I was directed to your open letter to the maxi manager by Jen from Cakewrecks. I giggled so much that I started reading this post. I laughed so hard I cried!
41. amy2boys | July 1st, 2009 at 5:15 pm
SO funny! The one time my AC went out was the last week of April of 1989 and I was 10 or 11 months pregnant with that girl who looks so much like me that you saw on my blog today (thanks for the comment). I was good and roasted when I went in to the hospital to be induced that week (due 4/8. came, reluctantly, 4/28) and hadn’t slept in days and it messed up my natural childbirth plan. 15 hrs into a 17 hr labor I was like screw breathing I need to sleep and got the epidural, took a nap, pushed a few times = baby.
Long story short – I feel ya.
42. boobarella | July 1st, 2009 at 9:02 pm
103? blarg.
43. Janice | July 2nd, 2009 at 10:15 am
Oh I’d send you our dreary rainy weather if I could. Anything to get rid of it!
44. A/C person | July 2nd, 2009 at 11:09 am
I guess I am the enemy. I actually work at a heating and a/c company in Mississippi and today is the first cool day in two weeks, and by cool I mean it’s only 93 at noon.
But in defense of the a/c people, we have more people calling in than we are able to get to and we are telling our regular customers to expect 2 or 3 days away, and if they are not regular customers we ask that they try calling around because we may be a week getting to them. Our problem is trying to find employees that can do this kind of work…. for some reason there aren’t many people that are willing to work in attics (keep in mind that if it’s 103 outside it is probably 145 in your attic) or under houses. Not to mention someone that we would trust to go into people’s homes and not help their selves to your belongings.
I hope your air is fixed soon, just cut the secretary some slack, she probably has to have two bottles of wine after work to unwind from 8 to 10 hours a day of people asking how much longer and complaining about how hot it is when she probably doesn’t have any control over when the service man will get there.
45. Hannah | July 3rd, 2009 at 5:47 am
LOL.We don’t have air conditioning at our house and yes..it can be VERY challenging at times. But wine coolers and the basement are my two new best friends.:)
46. madmad | July 3rd, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Wait, wait, wait. You ran out of wine?!
47. Alison | July 4th, 2009 at 1:49 am
Crikey. Am crossing my fingers in the hope that it helps repair your AC and restore some semblance of sanity to your household. Keep writing!
48. RENE | July 4th, 2009 at 3:33 am
Where have you been all my life?! Also a CakeWrecks-directed reader. I’ve started at the beginning and am reading backwards. Wishing I’d had this when mine were little – but now I have 2 grandsons and relate all over again. WHAT A TALENT YOU HAVE! I wish you would post every day
)
49. Lianne | July 7th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
This was snot-snorting hilarious. Hysterical!
50. Aunty Pol | July 10th, 2009 at 6:39 am
Honey,..You just described most days here in Houston. Where the hubbs and I live…46 days without rain…other parts of town..rain yes..us..oh hell no.
Good luck with the A/C..been there too.
51. Elaine Finch | July 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 am
Just received a copy of your letter to Brand
Manager Thatcher. I haven’t laughed so in
many a month. Thanks. I will be following your blog and will buy anything you publish.
You are a real life enhancer.
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