Current outside temperature in Austin: 103

Number of days it will remain this temperature in Austin: 103

Number of days since the upstairs A/C went out: 1/2

Amount of swear words uttered since the upstairs A/C went out:  50

Amount of swear words uttered that began with the word “mutha”: 50

Number of times the A/C repairman was called: 6

Number of times the A/C repairman’s secretary told us to “Keep your pants on, hon”: 2

Number of times we told the A/C repairman’s secretary to “Keep your own damn pants on, hon”: 7

Hours until the mythical A/C repairman will arrive at our house: 24

Hours until we all go insane and maim each other with sharpened Popsicle sticks: 1

Current downstairs temperature: 75

Current upstairs temperature: 95

Odds that a cloud will form on the landing where the cold air and hot air meet: 1 in 100

Odds that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about regarding how clouds form: 1 in 1

Number of little boys who now need to sleep on the downstairs hide-a-bed: 2

Number of times little boys on the hide-a-bed will scream, “He’s touching my butt!”: 32

Number of times the little boys’ dad will scream, “Mommy’s touching MY butt!”: 1

Number of minutes mommy will glare at daddy for making this inappropriate comment: 3

Bottles of wine needed to get through The A/C Incident of 2009: 2

Bottles of wine currently in the house: 0

Average speed car will be driven to the liquor store to remedy this problem: 76 mph

Total amount of fine on speeding ticket received for the liquor store flyby: $102.00

Chances that we are all now strongly considering a move to North Dakota: 100%

(And for one more math problem, go see Heather.)