Education Schmeducation
April 7th, 2009
What I Hoped My Son Would Learn In Kindergarten:
Reading
Writing
Art Appreciation
Music
Math
Social Studies
Good Citizenship
What My Son Actually Did Learn In Kindergarten:
Armpit Farting
101 Words For His Private Parts
How To Create Weapons Out of Dirt And Spit
Wedgies
The Proper Use of His Middle Finger
Words Used Most Often By Sailors and Truck Drivers
The ABC’s Performed Via Burps
2,035 Pokemon Characters
The Adhesive Uses of Chocolate Pudding
Wendi Aarons
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
22 Comments
Add your own1. noreply@blogger.com (Kate T) | April 7th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Could I add to the list of Actually Learned?
How to line up
How to budge in line (what we called cut – but that as a whole new meaning now) and not get in trouble
Hot lunch hot dogs are green and they bounce
Wearing snow pants to school means you have to eat lunch in them – gross
Big kids get more stuff
Glue sticks taste yucky
2. noreply@blogger.com (hokgardner) | April 7th, 2009 at 9:28 am
And my kindergartener learned that a new way of resolving conflicts – “kick him in the nuts!”
3. noreply@blogger.com (Orion) | April 7th, 2009 at 10:48 am
dude… wait until they learn how to eat glue and play dough, then complain for hours about how their tummy hurts!
4. noreply@blogger.com (Trenches of Mommyhood) | April 7th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Over here its 4,207 Bakugan characters.
5. noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Prater) | April 7th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
That’s what you get for enrolling him in Lord of the Flies Elementary.
6. noreply@blogger.com (R.) | April 7th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Well amrpit farting is music. Burping the ABCs is close to reading and writing. 101 Words for private parts is a subcategory of social studies. And I’m pretty sure the rest fall under Good Citizenship. So 5 out of 7 ain’t bad.
7. noreply@blogger.com (Crap That Bugs Me) | April 7th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Public school will do that to a kid..at least he will have street smarts.
8. noreply@blogger.com (Marinka) | April 7th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
You’re such an elitist. You should probably move to the Northeast and grab a latte.
9. noreply@blogger.com (Beth) | April 7th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Now if only there was a state test for this. Sounds like your son would rank in the Exceeds range.
10. noreply@blogger.com (Cassie) | April 7th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
CHA! Mine learned all that in preschool baby! PRESCHOOL!
11. noreply@blogger.com (peajaye) | April 8th, 2009 at 7:40 am
but aren’t your kids home-schooled?
12. noreply@blogger.com (Chanel) | April 8th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Just wait and see what they learn in first grade!! Armpit farting will be music to your ears!!!
13. noreply@blogger.com (Chanel) | April 8th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Wait until you heard what they learn in first grade…
You will look back at armpit farts with fond memories!!
14. noreply@blogger.com (MadMad) | April 8th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Yeah… and wait till you see what they learn in first grade!
15. noreply@blogger.com (Ann's Rants) | April 8th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Oh shit. Kindergarten, here we come.
16. noreply@blogger.com (pat) | April 8th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
well i used to could burp all the vowels, but never the alphabet…All in one burp though, bet he can’t do that!
17. noreply@blogger.com (phd in yogurtry) | April 8th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
He learned the proper use of his middle finger? Awesome! We had to teach ours here, at the dinner table as I recall.
18. noreply@blogger.com (Kylie w Warszawie) | April 9th, 2009 at 12:21 am
My son learned how to use boobies.
But on the plus side he also learned not to make friends with the bad kids.
19. noreply@blogger.com (abby jenkins) | April 10th, 2009 at 7:36 am
How about Armpit Farting the Alphabet? Maybe that is only in private school
20. noreply@blogger.com (bernthis) | April 10th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
I learned all that in HIGH SCHOOL
21. noreply@blogger.com (Momma B) | April 10th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Funny, I have two in kindergarten right now and I feel that they have learned when to and when not to fart! No kidding, one of my boys got in trouble for farting too much after a burrito night at home!
22. noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) | April 13th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
That’s why we home school. You get a great education without all that nonsense.
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