1. Who left these on the floor?

2. Why is it so quiet up there?

3. Is that where your shoes are supposed to go?

4. What did I just tell you two seconds ago?

5. Where do you think you’re going with that glue stick?

6. Good God, which one of you was just in the bathroom?

7. Why am I the only person in this family who knows where the dishwasher is located?

8. What am I? Your frickin’ maid?

9. Does anyone know if that brown stuff on the wall is chocolate?

10. Do you think toilet paper grows on trees? What’s that? Oh, so you’re a smart guy now?

11. Don’t you think you’ve watched quite enough Sponge Bob for one day?

12. Is that how a big boy acts?

13. Do I look like I thought that was funny?

13. WHAT did you just say? Who taught you that word? Was it Uncle Pat?

14. How many times do I have to tell you that scratches up the floor?

15. Are you trying to drive me crazy?

16. Why are you not eating your broccoli?

17. Would you like to try another answer?

18. Hold on–can’t you see that mommy’s busy e-mailing Larry King right now?

19. Who told you that I was hiding out in the closet? Was it daddy?

20. Is something burning?

And for hilarious advice to all of your pressing life questions, please be sure to check out my friend Frannie’s new advice website Dear Frannie. She’s just like Dear Abby–after a few cigarettes and martinis.

Wendi Aarons