Last night when I was making dinner, I unfortunately had a small accident that involved a frozen chicken, hot olive oil and my face. Which means that today I’m in bed, slathered in medicated cream and whacked out on Vicodin. Or, as my husband put it, I’m now just one Larry Fortensky away from finally turning into Elizabeth Taylor.
At first I was a little freaked out about what happened to me, but now that I’ve spent the morning watching “The Top 25 Celebrity Near Death Experiences” on E!, I know I have nothing to complain about. After all, my car didn’t get hit by an exploding mattress (Aaron Carter #23) or a wild bird (Cameron Diaz #19). Nor did I fall out of a coconut tree (Keith Richards #13), narrowly escape a crashing disco ball (Boy George #10) or start choking on a bite of fish at a Hollywood restaurant (Ellen Barkin #21) and had to be Heimliched by a slimy talent agent. And if those brave celebrities were able to survive their own harrowing experiences, well, then I guess I can, too. (Also, did you read the part about my nice little Vicodin?)
So all that said, I’d like to wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving this week. I hope you all have a wonderful time celebrating with your friends and family. And don’t worry about me. I just made our Thanksgiving dinner reservations at a fancy downtown restaurant where they tell me I can’t even set foot near the kitchen. And for that, I’m very thankful.