Jack, did you like having our neighbors over for dinner tonight?

Uh-huh.

Good. Because mommy and daddy like having people over, too. But I need to talk to you about something, OK?

What?

Well, remember when you stood up on the dinner table and yelled “Hey, everybody! Look at me! I’m Captain Underpants!”?

(giggle) Yeah, that was funny, wasn’t it?

Not really. I mean, sure, people who enjoy broad, physical humor probably would have laughed at it, but unfortunately for you, none of them happened to be in our dining room tonight.

Oh.

Yeah, tough break. But after you got onto the table and yelled “I’m Captain Underpants!”, what did you do next?

(long pause) I pulled down my pants?

Yep. You sure did. You dropped trou like a junior member of the “Thunder From Down Under” male strip crew. Marcus, the Outback Hottie with a smile on his face and a kangaroo in his pocket. And do you remember what you had on under your pants?

Ummm….nothing?

That’s right. Nothing. So, really, you weren’t much of a “Captain Underpants” after all, were you?

No.

More like a “Captain Commando” or a “Captain Free-Ballin’” or even a “Captain Dangler”, if you will. Basically, Jack, tonight you were letting your boys run free while mommy was serving tiramisu.

Oh.

Yeah, “oh”. The point is, nice people don’t pull their pants down when they have company over because it might make the guests feel uncomfortable and want to leave early. And then they might not want to ever come back. So I don’t want you to pull a stunt like that again, OK?

OK.

Unless, of course, daddy invites the McAlisters over. Then I want you to whip ‘em off as soon as the doorbell rings.

Wendi Aarons