The Soccer Game
April 7th, 2008
Their Team:
ALRIGHT, MASON, LET’S GO! KICK THE BALL, MASON! RUN, MASON! THERE YOU GO, MASON! FASTER, MASON! I SAID, FASTER MASON! GET IT IN THE GOAL, MASON! THE GOAL THE GOAL THE GOAL, MASON! AHHHH—-COME AWN, MASON! MASON! MASON! LOOK LIVELY! USE YOUR FEET, MASON! GET THAT BALL, MASON! THERE IT IS, MASON! RIGHT THERE, MASON! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ‘BOUT, MASON! GET THE BALL GET THE BALL GET THE BALL!
Our Team:
Did you hear there’s a wine sale at Whole Foods?
Their Team:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MASON? THE BALL GOES THE OTHER WAY, MASON! TURN IT AROUND, MASON! NOW KICK IT, MASON! DRIVE IT IN! POUND IT HARD! SPANK THAT BALL! SHOW THE OTHER 5 YEAR-OLDS THAT YOU’RE THEIR DADDY, MASON!
Our Team:
Who, Ellie’s mom? No, I’m sure hers aren’t real.
Their Team:
PASS HIM PASS HIM PASS HIM, MASON! USE YOUR FEET, MASON! DON’T LET HIM STEAL IT, MASON! WATCH IT, MASON! HE’S GOIN’ FOR IT, MASON! STOP HIM, MASON! BLOCK HIM, MASON! OH, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, SHUT HIM DOWN, MASON!
Our Team:
So then I said to her…what? We scored? Yay, Jaguars!
Their Team:
MAKE THIS LAST GOAL OR I’LL GIVE ALL YOUR SAVINGS BONDS TO CHARITY, MASON! I’LL RENT OUT YOUR BEDROOM TO AN OIL-FIELD WORKER, MASON! COME ON, MASON! I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO PUT YOU UP FOR ADOPTION ON CRAIG’S LIST, MASON! I’M SERIOUS, MASON! YOUR MAMA DIDN’T SCREAM HER WAY THROUGH LABOR FOR 15 DAMN HOURS JUST SO YOU COULD GET YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU IN A PEE-WEE SOCCER GAME, MASON! AWW, MASON! COME ON, MASON!
Our Team:
Good game, guys–here are your cookies! And, hey, why don’t you save one for that kid on the other team named Mason? Because I’m pretty sure he could use one.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
27 Comments
Add your own1. noreply@blogger.com (Minivan Mom) | April 7th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Are you sure you’re not on the Blue Sharks 5 and under RRSA team with me?
2. noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) | April 7th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Gosh,I love your blog!
Danette
3. noreply@blogger.com (shay) | April 7th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Hey, That sounds like me at my son’s games lol. I’m such a BAD soccer mommy!
4. noreply@blogger.com (CCT) | April 7th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
oh man, isn’t pee-wee [insert sport] fun?! your post is the reason my mother wouldn’t let me play anything as a kid. frankly, i think she didn’t want to drive all over creation and sit through it all … but i digress
5. noreply@blogger.com (kim) | April 7th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
You just know Mason was potty trained at gunpoint. Poor, poor Mason.
6. noreply@blogger.com (Grinningcomb) | April 7th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
aww, poor Mason.
7. noreply@blogger.com (pat) | April 7th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Isn’t that the truth…sadly.
8. noreply@blogger.com (MadMad) | April 7th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I LOVE the “What? They scored?” part – I’m ALWAYS looking the other way…
9. noreply@blogger.com (Queen Goob) | April 8th, 2008 at 5:09 am
Sounds like the games at my kids’ school…..Christian school…..Southern Baptist Christian School…..yes, we’re the “nice” parents that hand out cookies and Gatorade…..if they win. KIDDING!
10. noreply@blogger.com (Cyn) | April 8th, 2008 at 5:29 am
Very funny, Wendi, and very true. You don’t even ask what we call parents like Mason’s – it’s pretty rude.
11. noreply@blogger.com (Amber in Albuquerque) | April 8th, 2008 at 6:08 am
Amber in Albuquerque is channeling CCT’s mom. Thanks for reminding me why
.
My next door neighbor (who’s kid is not named Mason) got in an argument with her husband when he jokingly said ‘psycho mom’ instead of soccer mom after she’d had a similar episode. Heh, heh, heh.
12. noreply@blogger.com (Marie) | April 8th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Can I be on your team?
13. noreply@blogger.com (VE) | April 8th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Man that is so true! My kids had your team too and invariably we’d play that other team. Very funny.
14. noreply@blogger.com (boondockramblings) | April 8th, 2008 at 8:33 am
I totally hate parents like that……totally.
Hilarious stuff…but yet, sad because it is so true.
15. noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) | April 8th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Our first season of machine pitch baseball officially started yesterday. My son REALLY likes playing baseball, so it’s all worth it (my husband and I have no interest in, and little knowledge of the sport; my older son’s relationship with baseball can be summed up in his own words, “why would I want stand there while balls are flying at me?” However, I really have to watch my caffeine intake on game days (we’ve had three years of t-ball). The amount of caffeine I’ve had is directly proportional to the likelihood that I will spontaneously lecture manically competitive strangers on “how-to-behave-lovingly-when-your-kid-is-simply-enjoying-wearing-a-sweet-uniform, smushing-ant-colonies-in-the-outfield, and-climbing-the-dugout-fence.” Last night, I had zero caffeine so I sat with the 8-month pregnant mom, guiltlessly ate drippy nachos (if I’m sitting near a pregnant woman, can’t – by association – I eat like one?) and shared labor and delivery stories. My son had a great time prancing around left field and even managed to make one play.
Elizabutt
16. noreply@blogger.com (hokgardner) | April 8th, 2008 at 10:44 am
May I join your team please?
17. noreply@blogger.com (Sugar Photography) | April 8th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
you must have been listening in on our soccer game last night.
this is HYSTERICAL
18. noreply@blogger.com (the mama bird diaries) | April 8th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
That Mason is going to need more than a cookie to cheer him up. Poor kid.
I’m trying to think of new ways to tell you how funny you are… but nothing clever coming to mind right now.
19. noreply@blogger.com (Lady Weasel) | April 9th, 2008 at 1:15 am
Wow.. That poor Mason
20. noreply@blogger.com (TLCknits) | April 9th, 2008 at 6:58 am
Poor kid.. I’m sure the screaming parents have told everyone how much of an athlete Mason is!? and how he should be playing in the older kids’ league, b/c he’s just so much better, and he needs to be challenged… he’s just sooo good..he’s going to be in Pros, someday.. blah blah blah….
21. noreply@blogger.com (jamey) | April 9th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
wine sale?
22. noreply@blogger.com (followthatdog) | April 9th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Aw, nice soccer mom meets mean soccer mom. Is nice soccer mom nicer because she knows about the sale on wine at whole foods? I think so.
23. noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Jene) | April 9th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
I have been to one of those games. Poor Mason. He’ll be in therapy for sure.
24. noreply@blogger.com (Christy) | April 10th, 2008 at 3:48 am
I think I know Mason’s mom. I used to call her … Mom.
25. noreply@blogger.com (Pyro-kun45) | April 10th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
oh youth games. they teach more violence than video games and cartoons combined!
26. noreply@blogger.com (~ Denise) | April 13th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
You must live in Plano. Don’t you?
Mason lives down the street from me.
27. noreply@blogger.com (Franklin5) | April 22nd, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Your team? Totally our team.
Except that most of us are Montessori parents, so we’re all, “Hey, Bobby, it’s cool with us if you choose to lie down in the middle of the field and obesrve the amazing cloud formations rather than, you know, kick the ball.
“Because it’s not really about an artificially constructed competition; it’s about choosing your life experiences and creating lifelong self-satisfaction.”
I may be paraphrasing a little bit.
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