If Horton Lived In My Neighborhood
March 31st, 2008
Horton Hears A Leaf Blower
Horton Hears A Car Alarm
Horton Hears A Teenager Who Apparently Doesn’t Believe in Car Mufflers Driving Way Too Damn Fast
Horton Hears An Ambulance
Horton Hopes It’s For The Teenager
Horton Hears A Ringing in His Ears
Yes, Horton Knows His Ears Are Ringing Because He Took Too Much Aspirin When He Hurt His Foot Doing Pilates, But What Was Horton Supposed To Do? Suffer?
Horton Hears A Basketball Bouncing
Horton Always Hears A Basketball Bouncing
In Fact, Horton Hears A Basketball Bouncing So Effin’ Much That Horton Now Feels Like He’s Living In A Real Life Version of Poe’s “The Telltale Heart”
Horton Hears An Inner Voice Telling Him To Go Grab The Basketball
Horton Hears A Middle-Aged Woman Sprinting Down The Street Desperately Clutching Onto The Basketball And Laughing Maniacally
Horton Hears The Basketball Being Angrily Stuffed Down The Neighborhood Storm Drain With The Help Of A Garden Trowel and A Lime Green Espadrille
Horton Hears A Blessed Basketball-Free Future
Horton Hears The Neighbors Watching What Horton Did to the Basketball
Horton Hears A Few Minutes Of Shocked Silence
Horton Hears Rumors Of A Lawsuit
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
25 Comments
Add your own1. noreply@blogger.com (kim) | March 31st, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Horton hears the sound of coffee being snorted through the reader’s nose.
2. noreply@blogger.com (Amber in Albuquerque) | March 31st, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Horton hears his inner voice snorting “The Telltale Heart! I’m so glad I studied English Literature in college and not computer science.” That was the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. OK…it was the funniest thing I’ve seen since your Easter Bunny post.
3. noreply@blogger.com (Moi) | March 31st, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Hmmm … here Horton always seems to hear the phone ringing. But he notices it is his in-laws so he ignores it.
4. noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Jene) | March 31st, 2008 at 2:32 pm
LMBO!!! Oh that was good! Hopefully Horton will hear of a vacation soon!
5. noreply@blogger.com (followthatdog) | March 31st, 2008 at 2:40 pm
sounds like Horton needs a quaalude.
6. noreply@blogger.com (pat) | March 31st, 2008 at 5:07 pm
ha ha, Horton hears himself laughin his ass off……
7. noreply@blogger.com (CookieSunshine) | March 31st, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Horton hears…
This was an adorable post.
happy Monday night.
Cookie
8. noreply@blogger.com (Lady Weasel) | April 1st, 2008 at 2:06 am
Horton hears the base line of his neighbor’s excessively loud stereo.
Horton wishes he had an FM transmitter, with a microphone attached to it, so he could speak through the neighbor’s stereo and tell them, in a demonic voice, to turn it the F down!
Horton sees his bottle of valerian and all is well.
9. noreply@blogger.com (MadMad) | April 1st, 2008 at 6:10 am
Hysterical! I despise basketballs. And teenagers. A couple other things here and there, too. But that Telltale Heart thing – you’re so brilliant.
10. noreply@blogger.com (the mama bird diaries) | April 1st, 2008 at 7:58 am
you are a funny mummy.
That’s what Horton hears on the street.
11. noreply@blogger.com (TLCknits) | April 1st, 2008 at 8:14 am
funny funny funny
12. noreply@blogger.com (coffeypot) | April 1st, 2008 at 9:03 am
Horton needs ear plugs!
13. noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) | April 1st, 2008 at 10:10 am
Horton hears the sounds of people all over the globe laughing hysterically right at this moment.
Horton thanks you for that.
14. noreply@blogger.com (LINDA) | April 1st, 2008 at 3:09 pm
OMG !!! Wendi You’re AWESOME !!!
“HORTON HEARD THE PHARMACIST SAY: YOUR PRESCRIPTON FOR ZANAX IS READY” !!!
15. noreply@blogger.com (Manisha) | April 2nd, 2008 at 11:28 am
Wendi – you’re hilarious! I discovered your blog a few weeks ago and love reading
eatsnbeats.blogspot.com
16. noreply@blogger.com (TLCknits) | April 2nd, 2008 at 11:38 am
Horton hears 3 shakes of prescription bottle
17. noreply@blogger.com (WA) | April 2nd, 2008 at 11:49 am
Today Horton hears the neighbors’ Teenage Meth Pool Party in full-swing.
Horton may soon hear sirens.
18. noreply@blogger.com (~ Denise) | April 2nd, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Horton hears Denise swearing under her breath because eating health sucks and so does running, and barbell strength class, and walking on the treadmill…….etc…..
Denise would rather look like Horton.
19. noreply@blogger.com (Grinningcomb) | April 3rd, 2008 at 6:10 am
That. was amazing!
20. noreply@blogger.com (VE) | April 3rd, 2008 at 8:46 am
Actually, Horton went to too many rock concerts in the 70s and 80s; he’s lucky he can hear a thing now.
Funny post…
21. noreply@blogger.com (Cookie) | April 3rd, 2008 at 10:30 am
You are just too cute. I’m definitely having my own personal summer…or something like that.
Hugs,
Cookie
22. noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) | April 4th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
If Horton lived in my neighborhood he’d have heard me and my family cracking up over your post!
23. noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) | April 8th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Thanks for that. I know that you were so fast there will be no law suit, because they couldn’t catch you middle age butt. Way to go.
There are 5 drum playing grandpa’s in my neighbor hood don’t think they will fit down the storm drain. Plus my 12 year old would turn me in.
24. noreply@blogger.com (Lady Weasel) | April 30th, 2008 at 1:39 am
Found this just now.
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/funny-pictures-cat-hears-a-hoo.jpg?w=500&h=374
25. MsNuttaButtaBaby72 | February 7th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
Horton needs a martini….
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