How was your day today?
What’d you do in school?
I don’t remember.
Did you have fun in P.E.?
I don’t know.
(sigh) Listen, Sam, mommy really wants to know what you’re doing in Kindergarten. You’re there for 8 hours, so you have to be learning something, right? Something besides all of those lovely eating habits you’ve picked up from that Joshua kid, anyway. Did you ever find out if he was raised in a traveling carnival? Or was it by raccoons? Never mind. What I’m trying to say is that I just want to know what you’re doing all day in school. I mean, as far as I know, as soon as the bell rings, the principal loads you all into an unmarked white van and shuttles you to a sleazy, downtown sweatshop where you spend the day sewing Air Jordans for 20 cents an hour. And, if that’s true, you have to tell me right away, OK? We’ll get you unionized.
I just miss seeing you all day, sweetie.
Maybe you should work in the classroom like Emma’s mom.
Trust me, I could never miss you that much. But, listen, Sammy, it’s important that families share their days with each other. Your daddy and I always do.
Uh-huh. Like yesterday, daddy told me all about the intense strategy meeting he had with his clients at a fancy restaurant and all of the other wonderful accomplishments he made during the day, then I told him all about Jack peeing on my foot at Jamba Juice.
OK, mommy. I understand. (deep breath) So, today I made up a boy’s club and I asked Gavin and Luke and Jonathan to be in it…
…but they didn’t want to be in it, well Luke did, but Jonathan didn’t because he’s really into the tire swing, but then the bell rang and Jessica called me Stinky Pants, which doesn’t really make sense because I’m not stinky since I had a bath last night with lots of bubbles, do you remember that, you probably do because when I splashed you, you yelled at me to not do that because you were wearing wool, is that from sheeps? poor sheeps, do they get cold without their wools? and so I said, I’m not Stinky Pants, Jessica, you are, and then she and the other girls laughed at me because she wasn’t even wearing pants, she was wearing a skirt, a pink one that all the girls seem to like to wear, except how come you never wear skirts since you’re a girl? aren’t you? do you have a pink skirt? or just sweatpants? and then we had Centers, which I don’t really like because they’re BORING but the teacher said we had to do them so I did them but I didn’t like it and I DID NOT learn anything about turtles except that they live in Galap..Galap…some island, but then….
Thanks for sharing.
You’re welcome, mommy. But one more thing: how was your day?
Oh, wow. Let’s see, Sam, my day…my day was, well, my day was…fine. Thanks for asking.