Some More Accurate Names For The Frozen Sandwiches Called “Hot Pockets”

Wow, This Is Really, Really Hot Pockets

How Long Was This In The Microwave, Anyway? 10 Hours? Pockets

At Least Now I Know What Molten Lava Tastes Like Pockets

Jesus, Is One Of The Ingredients Uranium? Pockets

Dear God, I Think I Smell My Tonsils Burning Pockets

And I’ve Just Lost Feeling In My Lower Jaw Pockets

Are These Third Degree Burns On My Teeth? Pockets

Seriously, Call An Ambulance Pockets

And Find Out If Our Insurance Company Covers Skin Grafts Pockets

This Must Be What They Eat In Hell Pockets

Wendi Aarons

17 comments on this post.
  1. noreply@blogger.com (MadMad):

    Oh my God. You are the funniest person alive! I’m going to go back to read ‘em again. Way too good!

  2. noreply@blogger.com (MadMad):

    OK. I went back and tried to read them aloud to my husband, but was laughing too hard. I’ll try again.

  3. noreply@blogger.com (cooper green):

    Funny, I can’t say ‘pockets’ with these blisters on my lips pockets.

  4. noreply@blogger.com (Arthur Dent):

    Hand Held Solar Flare Pockets

    Contravenes Local, Provincial, and Federal Fire Control Regulations Pockets

  5. noreply@blogger.com (Arthur Dent):

    PS: I would really love to get together for a coffee or a beer sometime.

    If I ever win a lottery, I’ll travel anywhere in the world to meet you face to face. You’ve got to be an incredible person.

    I might even leave my special stalking axe behind ;)

  6. noreply@blogger.com (CC):

    Ah, thanks for bringing me back to the Hot Pockets Dayz that I used to miss, but now, after reading your hilarious new names, I am quite happy England does not sell these, burn-your-freaking-mouth-off sandwiches. I used to lose feeling in my mouth for days!

  7. noreply@blogger.com (pat):

    You are way too funny.

  8. noreply@blogger.com (Moi):

    Who Really Needs a Roof on Their Mouth Pockets

  9. noreply@blogger.com (Donna Lee):

    How about, What the hell is this Very Hot stuff in the Pockets?

  10. noreply@blogger.com (Lady Weasel):

    Help! The pepperoni is fused to my tongue pockets.

  11. noreply@blogger.com (Brooke):

    This is freakin’ hilarious!!!! I just ate one yesterday and you know, I wonder why I don’t just wait a minute until it cools down? No, I have dive right into the molten lava!!! HAHAHAHA!

    I found your blog after someone sent an email to me yesterday about the Always pad. I thought to myself that this person HAS to have a blog, so I googled you and now I’m laughing my guts out!

  12. noreply@blogger.com (double tonic):

    They’re still some of the easiest thing to eat while driving pockets

  13. noreply@blogger.com (marathon mom):

    OMG. Were we separated at birth? You are beyond hilarious.

  14. noreply@blogger.com (JH Robenalt):

    Word. I think everything should be in some sort of pocket. It makes planning meals a lot more, you know, simple.

  15. noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous):

    you are really, really funny!!! my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

  16. noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous):

    OMG!!!! I was laughing so hard, I almost peed myself!

    Anyway, I feel -exactly- the same way. And if you don’t microwave them for the whole 2:30, the middle is still frozen!

  17. Unnamed:

    How about “Holy God, my tongue, my tongue!!! It BURNS! Pockets”?

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